I'm not Mormon and my ex is was it the right thing to do?

Question

Me and my ex just broke up because he is mormon and basically he said that it wouldn't have worked out b/c i would have to convert if i wanted to stay with him. and it broke my heart and yea i cried. but was it the right thing to do. he told me that with mormons the whol family is in the church but he converted on his own and his dad is not religious and his dads fiancee is jewish so i was like wtf b/c i'm not going to convert so i'm pissed. and some one in his church said to him that it is dumb to date outside the church.but was it the right thing to do or did we break up for nothing?

Answer 1

It all depends on the person. If it is very important for him to get married in the temple (which he can only do with a member), and if he wants to be certain his children are raised Mormon, then it was probably the best thing. I'm Mormon and my wife is agnostic, but we have a mutual respect and understanding that we just believe differently. I go to church and do my thing and she does hers. Even so, it is definitely still a hurdle in our relationship that will always be there. We have a son and no doubt it will be an issue at times. But, we have agreed we will just be an example to him and be honest with him about what we believe and will then allow him to make his own decisions. If this is possible, then it can work. I wouldn't be upset that he needs certain things in a woman, but may be upset that he didn't bring it up sooner or allowed you guys to get so close. That sucks. I think in the long run it's probably good you guys broke up. Good luck finding a guy that is right for you.

Answer 2

I'm a Mormon who grew up in a home with two religions. It was really confusing and frustrating. A lot of people don't think about this when they are dating their sweethearts from different faiths. Someday, after you marry the guy, you will probably have kids. How will they grow up?

Breaking up really hurts, no matter if you're Mormon, Methodist, Mexican, or Malagasy. But look at the bigger picture...(and not because someone in the church said something mean about you...and I'm sorry about that, I really am!) Isn't it better to find someone with similar religious/political/cultural beliefs as yours? Marriage is so hard even when you have all this in common. Changing these variables makes a lasting relationship exponentially more difficult.

And no, you shouldn't become a Mormon just because you liked the guy. You join a religion because it makes you happy and makes you better.

You did the right thing. Things will get better.

Answer 3

The LDS Church is very peculiar.

It teaches that Mormons should marry Mormons, catholics should marry catholics, jews should marry jews, and so on.

The Church also teaches that you shouldn't date anyone that you wouldn't marry. Since many Mormons wouldn't marry someone outside of the Church, they don't date non-mormons either. For many people, it can sound silly.

Mormons profess the ability to be married ('sealed') for eternity to their chosen spouses by marrying in the Temple. In order to be married in the Temple, you have to be a mormon in good standing towards the Church. This 'eternal' marriage is seen as the ultimate goal of every faithful member of the Church, and if you miss out on it, you're passing up the 'greatest gift of God.'

I'm not saying it's right to dump someone that you love because of a difference in beliefs. It's totally wrong. However, by such an action, you can see what is most important in his life. Many mormons are so faithful to the Church that the Church life takes precedence over the family life (even though the Church teaches that the conjugal relationship is even more important than Church activity in God's eyes).

I would check into the doctrine of the Church and see if it's something that 'fits' for you. If it is, you may try attending with him a couple of times. If it isn't something that you can accept, then you should be grateful to be broken up with him, since he obviously will value his religion more than his partner, and the Church would get the way of your relationship.

I hope this helps!

Answer 4

That's a very personal question. (Not that I don't think it should be asked, because, I think it should be addressed.) It's just that some Mormons believe as your ex, and some don't. Straightup is married to an non-member and things seem to be working out fine for them. I know other "part-member" families at church. I also know people who stopped dating people they really liked because the other person would not convert. And I know some people who decided they would never date outside the faith because they would never marry anywhere except the temple. (To marry in the temple who have to be a member at least one year.) So it's a very individual decision. Your ex obviously decided to only marry in the temple, which means either dating only members, or finding someone willing to convert. Personally I think that if you're goal is to marry in the temple, then you shouldn't date outside the faith, because breakups would be really hard on both people, and even if someone joined then you got married I would always wonder if the person joined for the right reasons. The worst thing to do is join because you're curious or because you want to marry someone.

While it's true that ideally it's a whole family that are members, and this is actively encouraged by church leadership, there are still a lot of families who are part members. A friend of mine is the only active person in her family which includes three kids. Two of them were baptized "for their mother" - meaning that they decided to be baptized as a gift to their mother for her birthday (wrong reason). And her husband (now ex-husband) was the member in the family for years, then shortly after she joined, he stopped. Now she's active in church, and he's not and neither are their kids.

The only thing I suggest you do is talk to your ex about it. Get him to give you good answers and not just flippant ones.

Answer 5

If you truly understood what we believed in, you would completely understand why he did this. We believe that people are sealed to the members of our families for and can live with them happily for eternity in heaven. You see, if he wants to be be with someone not til death do us part but for time and all eternity. If is impossible to do this if you are of a different faith. It isn't that your boyfriend didn't care for you. This concept is probably hard to see if you are not Mormon. If you are not willing to take a look at becoming Mormon, than you both did the right thing by breaking up. We never force anyone to become a member of our church. It is 100% by choice.

Answer 6

If he's an active mormon his religion is a big part of his life. He's going to want to get married in the temple, he's goin to want to raise his kids to be mormon and his sons to serve missions for the church. If that's not you, then he's right it wouldn't work out, not on his end OR you're end.

Try understand that his religion is important to him. He loves you but if you want it to work out in the long term, you'd be asking him to give up a part of himself in the compromise. He's asking you to add to yourself in the compromise.

Answer 7

I think this is just between you and your ex.
LDS do encourage married in the same faith, but that does not mean forbidden to married outside. it is a matter of choice.
There are Eternal blessings that awaits those who met the requirements.
AS a LDS myself, I treasure the temple covenant I made with my wife, whom I married for eternity, I want her forever, not just this life time, If I choose a non member, I could never be married for eternity.