My husband's grandma said some mean things to me. My mom got remarried in Vegas in January and I went for the wedding. Before the trip, gram went to the hospital and found 2 abnormal growths. they scheduled one surgery for testing for when i was out of town. so i was telling her that i was going out of town and i hoped everything went well and she laid into me. she said i was a bad mother to leave my 2 year old with my husband and if something happened to her (the baby) it would be on my head. then she said to tell my mom that she is stupid and bet the marriage would only last 2 weeks. i told her that my step-dad was also being tested for cancer and she said that was the only reason they were getting married. i couldn't even defend my mom even though it wasn't true. gram said this in front of other relatives too. i am really mad at her for it. we used to be really close. i lived with her for a while.
2007-03-05 04:56:46 · 24 answers · asked by saveit 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
before she got sick we were the only family that visited and now there's always like 10 people at her house. i haven't been visiting her since because i'm so mad. i want her to apologize but i don't want to have to ask for an apology. then it's not really an apology. i don't feel bad about it either. even though she is getting treatments for cancer. you would think that she would want her family to know she loved them rather than insult them. i don't know how to handle the situation. i have really cut off most contact with that family becasue of it. i don't even know if i want to fix it. what should i do?
2007-03-05 05:00:07 · update #1
Its her age honey, and she's scared so she's taking it out on whoever is within hearing so don't take it personally. I know it seems like it is but I bet if she really knew what she was doing she'd regret it.
She may not even be aware of what she's saying & how she's saying it. If she's never been like this before & this is a total change in character for her then it should give you an indication that it's her illness not anything to do with you personally.
2007-03-05 05:34:27 · answer #1 · answered by Lucy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are going to say hurtful things to you, but imagine the pain and panic that she is going through. A strong woman stands by her family (all of her family) no matter how hurt her feelings are regardless of what is going on. You never know how long it is that someone has left, especially in that type of situation, make your own ammends with it and when she is better bring it up and tell her how u feel, right now be there for her...especially if you were close at one time...she needs you, she's probably scared and overwhelmed...she was probably scared that you were not going to be there and didn't know how else to convey it to you.
It sounds like a desperate sick old woman.
2007-03-05 05:36:38 · answer #2 · answered by Nicole C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts when people you care about say mean things, but I think you should try and let it go. I am not saying it was ok for her to say those things. She was most likely scared and stressed out, so she lashed out at you. I know it's a crappy thing to do but a lot of people do it. Also how old is she? My great grand mother could be very mean sometimes, but she wasn't that way until she got older. Sometimes all you can do is forgive. I hope everything went well with both your grandmothers and your step fathers tests.
2007-03-05 05:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by Liz M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your hurt and I can see how you may be looking at this solely from your emotional standpoint. However; step back and get some perspective. Your grandma is probably scared to death and she is acting out in anger and afterall, her emotional state can't be all that well.
She may have took your leaving as a form of abandonment and not knowing how to tell you and your Mom ......"I need you,........I need you both, I'm scared and this is too much for me to handle right now".
She may have taken the trip and the timing as a act of disloyalty, but, I think it is rooted in fear more than anything. Her mortality has come onto her doorstep, and it's normal to act hostile sometimes when one is unceratin of their life.
2007-03-05 05:21:48 · answer #4 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, two things could be going on here. First, older people speak their minds without thinking of how their words may hurt someone. I had to deal with that myself. Second, it could be that she is angry that she has cancer and is just lashing out. The best thing you can do is forgive her, not for her sake but your own. Anger only eats at you and it doesn't hurt the person who hurt you, it only hurts you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I have been close with my husband's grandmother and there are times she says or does something that really hurts but, I get angry for a while and forgive her. You don't know how long she has left.
2007-03-05 05:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't pay any attention to her. It may be the scare of the cancer or dementia causing her to say these nasty things. When she says these awful things just make light comments like, well I hope their marriage does work out or I trust your grandson to take care of the baby while I'm away. If she continues, just drop it. I know it's hurtful, but if this is new behavior, she probably can't help it and wouldn't say those things if she were in her right mind.
2007-03-05 05:06:06 · answer #6 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider what your grandmother is going through right now. She's scared and might be acting out because of it. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I tried to push people away, but discovered I only did that because I was scared and hurt. Give her a week to cool off and then go back and see how she's doing. Hope this is helpful.
2007-03-05 05:03:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I have a grandmother that was going through the same thing. Some of the medication she was on makes her grow horns and say some really hurtful things. I just stood my ground and told her that I loved her, and that what she said was very hurtful, it took some months, but it did get better. She is afraid of everything that is going on, just be patient and show her that you love her :-) I know that it is hard, but covering her with kindness will pay off.
2007-03-05 05:11:24 · answer #8 · answered by mudd_grip 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I understand you want to reach out, but you are scared of her insults again. Sounds like she is very bitter, and want other people to feel bad. You can't fix that, and you can't fix anyone else around you. Just hope she goes with no pain, and think of her. Try to keep a good memory of her, and maybe you can write her a letter telling her how much you were hurt, but you still love her.
2007-03-05 05:22:12 · answer #9 · answered by Pluto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cancer is a hard thing to deal with, and every one is different when it comes to the reailization that it is actually happining to you. My mom was just diagnosed with colon cancer and had the surgery to remove it but the doctor removed part of the tube that connects the kidney, so now she has to have a tube comming out of her back....that is her new kidney for the moment....she has to recover from the colon surgery before they can opperate again and replace the tube to the kidney. It has been hard on all of us, expically her... at the same time I was diagonesed with HPV...it has been hard to know that I might have cancer too. I don't now, but it is high risk, so I might get cancer later in life. I think my mom was a little harder on me than I would have liked...she wanted me to quit my job and move in with her for two months if not longer, leaving my boyfriend of two years home to pay bills all by himself. My family needed me up there to help out and get adjusted to the new living situations, so my boyfriend and I decided for me to go up there for two weeks. I have my own life here, and Though this is hard on my whole family, life must go on. I have bills to pay, and so you just need to understand that you make your decisions, leaving your kids with your husband is not as bad as she made it sound, my mom pulls that one on me just for having my boyfriend watch my daughter at night while I'm at work. As for your mother getting married in vegas, who cares where people get married, times change, rumors are horriable....just because you get married in Vegas doesn't mean that your marriage will fail....marriage is a commitment and an agreement. Marriage fails when one or both stop trying to make it work...not because of where you chose to get married....
2007-03-05 05:18:22 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋