I have been married for the past three years now but had no children yet. My husband always wanted kids up until 2 years ago. When we were still dating he always mentioned wanting kids as early as possible since he is older than me. He is 33 and I am 25. When we got married we had some minor daily quarrels and I've always put away the idea of having kids because I did not want to bring a child in a broken or unhappy family, but now we seem to be ok and I really want a child.
I have discussed this with him several times but he is always saying that we are too busy, do not have time for children and I should finish my studies. He has 3 jobs (just because he enjoys working) and I have a full time job and am also studying. Finacially although we are not rich we can definately support a child and even two.
I am not on birth control and our sexual relationship is ok but he always make it a point to withdraw.
Did you go through this experience? What should I do?
2007-03-05 04:50:26 · 10 answers · asked by rt 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
went through this before with my wife and you have to be sorta patient with him while at the same time drop little hints about how much happier you will be with a child and how much happier he would be.
Right now it seems like your husband really wants to work and you could show him how he could teach these same work values to his kid.
My wife was very good at pointing out the good things about children while making it not about her wanting to just be a parent. The money doesn't sound like a problem, it just seems to be the time and speaking from experience, children do not take up that much time. I still have time to work on a masters degree, work full time, hang out with my friends Saturday night, and workout three times a week at a gym and I have two kids.
2007-03-05 04:57:38 · answer #1 · answered by Water weasels 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am 24 and my husband is 25. We can't afford to be parents... we still live with his parents. Money should not be a reason to hold off on children. A quarrel here and there also shouldn't keep you from children. Sometimes it feels like a broken home and not a place for a new baby, but no relationship is perfect. What is important is that you two stick it through no matter what, fights happen. You may find that a new addition will fill the voids in your day and you won't have time to bicker over things like you do. I have one child and he consumes all my time. So that is where I hit a wall helping you. A child takes so much time and patience. Unless you have intentions on daycare and nannies you will be gowing through an emotional rollercoaster trying to manage your priorities. You are ready for a child when you both will agree thatyou are willing to take the time out of your day for this new person. I would say wait for now... You will know when it is time to start trying... I hope this helps...
2007-03-05 04:59:49 · answer #2 · answered by Shilo 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, but if he is not wanting a child then you two need to discuss your future, if by some chance you think he will change after a pregnancy then you a fooling yourself. you both need a heart to heart talk about wanting children, There seems to be more issues in this marriage, I have never heard of a person having 3 jobs just for the thrill of working, there are too many underlying issues. make sure he is the right man for you before you get stuck with a child from him that he doesn't want.
2007-03-05 05:01:23 · answer #3 · answered by kissybertha 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes both of you to be ready for children. If one person isnt ready than you two will just fight about it if you do get pregnant. You are only 25. You have plenty of time. I know your clock is ticking like hell but just find some friends with some kids and keep them for the weekend. You may find it is more work than you are ready for and change your mind yourself. You have to realize that there is no more alone time, you cant just take off for the weekend anymore, and everything you do will have to be planed around the baby. Are you ready for this. Think it threw very thouroughly and if you are still ready than you need to have a serious talk with your hubby. If he is still resistant even after a few years from now than I would venture to say he never really wanted kids and you may need to rethink some things. Good luck girl.
2007-03-05 05:03:56 · answer #4 · answered by Holly E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a long talk with your husband. Tell him how you feel and let him know that you REALLY want this. Find out why he doesn't want children is it really because he thinks that you don't have enough time or is there some other reason that he is not telling you. Be patient he might not feel comfortable with talking about his reason for not wanting children. However the bottom line is if he doesn't want to have kids you cant pressure him into or change his mind for him.
2007-03-05 04:57:23 · answer #5 · answered by Ali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you ened to talk to him. if he is working 3 jobs, and your studying with a full time job, it sounds like you bearly have time to spend together.
Take time out, take a holiday, just spend some time together.
Marriage is hard work and you have to constantly work at it, if you both agreed on kids before the marraige, and after a few years your husband decides not to have any children, and your not happy with this, you have a right to get a divorce, as he led u into the marraige under false pretences of wanting kids.
But right now, spend time together, find what you love about each other, and show that something special is there and that you would like to create something together.
2007-03-05 04:55:43 · answer #6 · answered by Frenchie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk talk talk talk talk! You need to make it a point of discussing this with him. I think something is worrying him as rfar as having kids, and you have every right to know.
My husband was almost like yours, but he would say he didn't think we should have kids now. I made it a point to discuss how important it is to me, and explain why I think having kids now is a good idea. In discussing, it came out that he felt like wqe weren't ready financially. You need to discuss it at length with him, and have him explain his point of view as well. Remind him that when you got married, you both want kids, and it is only fair for him to explain to you why he did a 180 on his feelings about having children.
I'm sure he will come around, maybe he just needs some reassuring from his better half. :-)
Good luck!!
2007-03-05 04:57:52 · answer #7 · answered by Just Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys might benefit from therapy. These are issues to pull people apart. If your not happy you need to talk to him.. If he isn't hearing you then you guys need to fix the problem.. I am sorry you are going through this. You need to make sure that he is really connecting with you.
2007-03-05 04:57:00 · answer #8 · answered by rm3alford 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just gotta open up and tell him all this. He's the only one that can change things. Be honest and speak to his heart. I'm sure he'll listen.
2007-03-05 04:54:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
adopt a child !
2007-03-05 04:53:34 · answer #10 · answered by swEEto13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋