I'm a 41 year old single mother. I have raised my two girls by myself. Why does my oldest daughter hate me?? e

Question

I chose to be a working mom because I wanted to give my girls everything. I did not want them to ever know hunger or what it was like not to have heat or a place to live. My mother was extremely abusive and I left home at 14. I got my college education and went on to have children. My marriage didn't work out. My ex got into drugs and I put him through rehab twice to no avail. So, I divorced and raised my girls alone. All I wanted was for them to get an education and not be distracted by boys. I am proud to say that both my girls did just that. My oldest went into the Airforce. She married a year later and now has three children..a daughter and twin boys and she is only 23. I couldn't be more proud. But then she decided to get close to my family. My mother and sister have put a wedge between us with gross fabrications. And now my daughter has decided to put me out of her life. She claims I abused her..when the fact is I never touched her. I couldn't..I was afraid to become my mother.

Answer 1

I doubt if your daughter hates you. I think she has fallen under the influence of those that have issues with you and are using her as a weapon and exploiting her obvious desire to connect with extended family.

Be patient and may God comfort you. The "TRUTH" always prevails, and in time your daughter will see clear again and will love you even more than before.

It's obvious that your Mother and Sister have not made amends and atoned for their own shortcomings with you, but, it was your love, dedication, and your efforts that are planted in your daughter's heart and mind, and they (your love and dedication)will prevail.

You may have chosen not to have painted your Mother in a bad light to your daughters when they grew up, or you may have told them about your Mother. Regardless, ......stay the "good guy". Don't fight fire with fire, and as I reiterate,.........allow patience to do it's good works.

Your daughter is standing but in a shadow at the moment, and soon she will see the light again.

Answer 2

The obvious answer why she hates you is a mix of the lies that she has been told, which you mentioned, but more importantly the fact that you sacrificed all of that for her to have a great life and she hates herself for it. This translates into pushing you away because human beings are too proud to admit their weakness. You abused her by showing her too much love and a good life when you went through toil and suffering to have her live free. I know it sounds like psycho-babble but it is the most likely scenario.

Look at it: She went to the Airforce. Married. Three children. Only 23. A storybook of a young woman.
You: Abused at an early age. Left home at 14. Grew up to still be responsible enough to give your children a future, despite having a useless husband.

You are a story she can never grow up to be. Feeling spoilled is an abuse of a kind as well.

Answer 3

Well if this story is true that is very sad and I feel for you and wish you was my mother!!!!!! I am 19 My mother has been married and divorced 5 times and is now trying to marry an already married man! She has thrown me out on the streets, she has abused me and my sister to the point where we couldnt go to school BC the police would come and pick her up! We were to scared to tell BC the first time we did the school just called my mother and talked to us then she whooped us with a extension cord! My grandmother used to be addicted drugs and abused my mother, and my mother is not addicted to anything and is doing the same thing to us! At least you learned from your problems and you didnt repeat what your mother did to you and you should feel proud! My mother is manipulative and she always wants to be my friend when she needs me, she recently told the police that I beat her up so now Im on probation for no reason! Please just talk to your child let her know that you love her and dont ever throw her out on the streets so they cant eat her up BC I have lived a tough hard life since I was 17 I have been a stripper, a drug dealers girlfriend, robbed at gunpoint for drug money and I have been through alot just to survive! Just let your child know that you got her back no matter what BC I dont have a mother, she's never there for me, because when it all comes down to it at least you can say that you were always there! I can never say that, and one day I'm gonna make it out of my hard life and my mother will feel bad about it!

Answer 4

You have no reason to worry. You did your job as a responsible mother.
Give it a little time, and your daughter will see who your Mother is.
You can't fight an invisible battle, you must let your daughter have her own interaction with your Mom and let her decide.
You must sit back and let it be, you have no control and it is not your business about how they intend to have a relationship.
You should continue to love your daughter and be the supportive mother that you have always been.
do not discuss or be taken into any discussion about your past.
Your relationship with your Mom was how you perceived it, and that is probably totally different from your Mon's perception.
You have to keep our head up and don't waiver.
if she is a smart girl like you said she will see the truth sooner than later.
Once a person gets tired of putting on a show and being something they are not, they trip over their own feet and their true colours come out.
Be patient and live your life and be happy.
I found alot of help with the book The 4 Agreements. IT gives you a few simple ways to live your life and how to look at things. it simplifies alot of stuff and the fog clears.
Keep up your great role and be who you are.

Answer 5

Wow you have been through the mill haven't you! You have made a good life yourself and your daughters wish i were more motivated!! Sounds like your side of the family is still angry at your decisions and are using your daughter to even the score! With time I think she will realize the mistake of believing your family over a mother who loved her and cared for her while she was young! You did the best you could let go for awhile and hopefully she will come back and say she was wrong! :o)

Answer 6

How sad. You really need to get a hold of your daughter and straighten this mess out. How dare your abusive beotch of a mother to start trouble. Maybe you need to go there yourself and take her out( for supper) away from prying eyes and ears. Let her know exactly how things were. Tell her how you tried to make a decent life for her and her sister. Bring your other daughter with you can have another person there on your side. I truly hope you can come to some understanding. I will say a prayer for you. Good luck!!!...

Answer 7

It is reallllly hard to figure out what happened here. I think you need to ask yourself why she built bridges with those you had left behind. She is still very young. In fact, having married within a year of leaving home and having two pregnancies so fast does not say a not for her maturity. It seems like she is searching for something and has latched on to these folks. She will come around eventually. Keep in touch and keep it calm. In the long run, you will be the one she turns to when trouble comes up. And it will.

Answer 8

First you should pat yourself on the back. You raised your children by yourself and that's a hard pill to swallow. Secondly, you mentioned abuse (physical) but you didn't mention verbal abuse, which is often far worse than anything physical. I think that if your daughter is angry this is something that she has to work through. If she wants a relationship with you then you need to ask her what it is that she's holding onto and deal with it. If you don't agree with her issues, or deny it, then you're in denial. She has something that she needs to get off her chest, and if you want to know and try to build on the relationship then you better be ready to listen and own it. Best of luck.

Answer 9

went through the same thing. let it go full circle. just still be you and let her make her decisions. as she raises kids she will know what she put you through by going through it herself. and trust me...your mom is a leopard that doesnt' change spots. she will slip up sooner or later and something won't jive. just keep letting her know periodically that you love her and support her and are proud. tell her that all conversation about your mom or your relationship are off limits because you went though it once and will not go through it again...she wasn't there and you made a judgement call on how to keep your sanity and start a good life for your future children. end of story.

Answer 10

Your daughter doesn't hate you. She is deaing with your mother whom abuse you. She isn't ever going to change her abusive ways towards you, now your mother has someone new to pit against you. My dear you never touched your daughter know that she knows that. Your daughter is grown she can believe what she wants. Next time she says you abused her confront her and ask her when? If it's a lie confront her again.