bridesmaid delima?

Question

so here is my problem. i asked one of my best friends to be a bridesmaid and she said yes...now the only thing i hear from her is complaints on the price of the bridesmaid dresses (they are $250 each- but they are getting made just for me..the colors i want and the design i want-plus the dresses are getting made to fit each person perfectly...!) is that to much $$ to ask my bridesmaids to pay? the rest of them have not complained at all...what should i do.

Answer 1

I can't understand how you cannot find a suitable dress among the thousands available. The fact is, it is not only the cost of the dress you are asking of her, but also the shoes, possible special undergarments, throwing you a shower, a shower and wedding gift, hotel accomodations, and other related expenses.

I am the MOH for a wedding next month, and I really appreciated the fact that the bride made an effort to understand our concerns about costs, and chose items accordingly.

Even though my dress was only $160, the shoes are $60, I have to stay in a hotel overnight $100+, plus host a shower and bachelorette, at hundreds of additional dollars.

Although I accepted to be in the wedding, and expect to incur costs associated, I do not expect that gives the bride carte blanche to spend money in excess which I must then pay.

And, although nobody said a thing to the bride about the costs, they have said plenty to me, so...this one person may be the only one saying anything to you, but not necessarily the only one talking.

Answer 2

This is tricky. She accepted to be your bridesmaid, and so generally a maid should go along with the dress the bride chooses. However, $250 is a lot for just the dress. I've usually seen about $125 for the dress. Maybe when your friend accepted she thought you would ask for input from your bridal party regarding style, price, etc. for their dresses, and so she would have a chance to express her concerns at that time. You also have to think too that she isn't just buying a dress -- she also has to consider shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, plus the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and the wedding gift for you and your groom. This can all add up to a considerable amount of money, and perhaps the case is that her finances aren't going to allow her to do all of this within reason and she was hoping that the dress would be the area where she could save a little money. Also, just because your other bridesmaids haven't complained, doesn't mean that they are OK with paying that much for the dress (it may mean they've just decided not to say anything).

It's definitely hard for the bridesmaids when it comes to money, because they are responsible for a lot of things, and when it comes to your shower and bachelorette party they want to make sure they do something great that you'll love, but sometimes the girls are afraid that telling the other girls they don't want to spend that much money may make her seem cheap. Even though you love the dresses you picked out, maybe working with her to find something similar for an off-the-rack price might make it easier.

Just think about things in the long run -- when you look back on your wedding in 10 or 20 years, would you be more upset if your friend was miserable or not involved at all or if your bridesmaids weren't wearing the exact dress you picked? Good luck.

Answer 3

How valid is her complain? Is she finacially stable and is just the whining, complaing kind of person? Or is she struggling just to pay her own bills & keep her head above water? I have been a bride 2 times and a bridesmid 14 times and I can tell you that the expense associated with being a bridesmaid is alot more than people realize. Unfortunatley, as the bride, our head is so far in the clouds we often overlook what affect our decions have on other people. All we are thinking about is how happy we are and how wonderful our day is going to be and we should be happy, but the bridesmaids however are not getting married. They are not going to hop on a plane after the reception for a week of fun & relaxing with the man they love on a tropicle isle sipping pina coladas and taking in the the rays. They have to get up on Monday go back to work, go back to theri everyday loves AND PAY THEOR BILLS! Bridesmaids also have other expenses besides the dress (which as you said you are HAVING MADE JUST FOR YOU, YOUR COLORS ETC....) It is not a dress they have been longing for, it is most likely a dress they don't even like and undoubetdly will NEVER EVER BE ABLE EVEN WEAR AGAIN. They are thinking about the other cost, shoes,, jewelry, getting theri hair done, highlights etc. makeup, matching purse. They have (they want) to buy you a nice gift, some have the additional expense of travel (does this bridesmaid have to pay for travel & lodging for your wedding?) They have to give you showers, luncheon, a bachelorettte part, etc. THERE ARE MANY HIDDEN COST THAT WE AS BRIDES FORGET ABOUT , THAT THE BRIDESMAIDS HAVE.

Having said all that. Is this her only complaint? If it is and if she is truly one of your best friends, and if you can afford it, pull her aside and offer to help with the expense of the dress (without telling the other bridesmaids)-you certainly cannot do it for everyne. if however you do not have the finacial means to do this and she can afford it and you want her in your wedding, if she continues to complain you should offer her an out one time. Ask her if the cost is too much for her right no & tell her that you would understans that due to the ocst if she wanted to withdraw her aggreement to be in your wedding, tell her you will have no hard feeling AND MEAN IT, DON'T HAVE ANY, then fiind something else important & special for her to do at the wedding. If she declines to opt out butcontinues to complain, you simply have to put up with it and ignore her complaints, much like we have to ignore our two year old when they they say "i want that toy" to every single toy in every store everyday.

Be fair, Be rasonable, then you know that you have done all you can do & that if there is still a problem, you did not create it, you offered a remedy for it, and to you can go on with your wedding, be happy without feeling guilty

Answer 4

$250 is a bit pricey for a bridesmaid gown, but when you are getting everything done that personally, it makes sense. What you need to do is see where you can cut corners financially for your bridesmaids. Even ask her for her opinion on how to do so.

I know the last wedding I was in, I spent over $500 for the bride and I was stressed, not feeling that I had any thanks or appreciation. We had our dresses near $200 and for everything I helped pay for her bridal shower, bachelorette party and wedding, it was another $300 or so later. Being as I am financially strapped already, it was really tough to do.

So maybe corners can be cut on the other bridesmaid responsibilities to aleviate the stress of money. I am not sure that she should have complained to you being the bride. I did complain to the other bridesmaids, which helped a little in making some decisions, but it was still a lot more than what I should have done and what I really could do.....

Answer 5

Well- I had a bridesmaid that could not afford the dress at the time I ordered them, so I offered to buy it and have her pay me back gradually over the 7 months left until the wedding. Not to say your friend would do this, but she never paid me back (not even 1 cent!) The dresses weren't too overpriced either ($126), and I paid for the shipping since I'd ordered them online. Sorry- I'm venting...LOL. If you feel confident in that she would pay you back and you can afford to cover the dress now, see if that would be an option for her. It might seem easier to pay for a little at a time than to drop all the money at once. And no, I don't think $250 is too much...everything I liked originally was $175-$300 (I ordered mine from a discount website which was fabulous by the way - www.netbride.com). Anyways, hope that helped!

Answer 6

That is pretty pricey, and you should have warned you when you invited her that you were planning on a custom dress, so it would be rather expensive (especially for a dress she will never wear again). Being a bridesmaid always involves a commitment of time, money, and emotional support, but the question is - how much of each?

But it's bad form of her to complain so much. She should either keep her grumbling to herself, or tell you straight up that she can't afford this dress. Talk to her and find out if she really can't afford to spend so much money on a one-time dress, or if she is just grumbling because she thinks it's unreasonable. If it creates a financial hardship for her, you should offer to pay for half the dress (since it was your choice), or find another way to include her in the wedding without her being a bridesmaid.

Answer 7

Yes, that is an extreme. The bridesmaids want to be a part of your big day; they care about you. However, they are not getting the same feeling from you, even though some of them are not voicing it. The one that is making the comments probably feels that you aren't thinking about them. I mean, they are willing to pay around $150 probably for a dress- when they said yes they probably did not expect to have to pay $250 for it plus pay for shoes and stuff. If you are dead set on these dresses, then express to her how you feel. Just say that you are not budging on these dresses and you would appreciate her keeping her comments to herself b/c you already have enough on your plate. (she may gracefully back out though after this) -or- find a different dress. That is a lot of money to expect someone to spend for YOUR big day that they can only wear once. Try picturing the roles reversed

Answer 8

That is a lot. My bridesmaides paid $60 each for their dresses. You have to keep in mind that they're still going to have to buy shoes, get their hair done. All that cost money. Not incluiding the whole shower/bachlorette party, and getting you a gift. That is very pricy. Being a bridesmaid is an honor, but you as a bride should really have some consideration.

Answer 9

It depends what the agreement is, I have been bridesmaid twice and have never paid for my dress, in the same way when I got married I paid for my bridesmaid dresses. Perhaps you should have discussed the cost in advance with her so she was aware that it would cost more than an "off the peg" dress. I know that I could not afford to pay in excess of $250 for a dress, I would have declined the kind offer to be bridesmaid if I had been made aware that it cost so much.

Answer 10

I think $250 is alot & if my friend asked me to do that right now, I wouldn't be able to afford it, plus any other expenses I'm sure she'll have for the wedding. Ask her if she wants to step down, if you can't find other dresses or even help her with the price of the dress. It could be that she can't afford that amount at this point & figured it would be less, most brides that have had the bridal party pay for their own dresses have selected something cheaper, my friend picked everything out, shoes & all were included for $150.