We'd bought a house and seemed to be focused on the future, but we we're unhappy. I broke it off with him in the summer, cause I met someone else who made my heart sore. The change destroyed my whole life and all my friends, but I finally started to feel like myself again, happy. However the weight of my decision began to eat at me I felt badly for how I hurt him and everyone I know and tried to reconsile, but it was too late and he entirely shut down on me. We've been trying to be friends, but I'm destroyed every time I see him. He started to warm up to me again and says he always wants me in his life, but I can't seem to just be his friend. I want more, I want to try and work it out, but then he tells me he doesn't trust me anymore and he'll probably never trust "us" again. He's always buried his emotions and now I'm no longer there to help him with it. In fact he knows he's hanging onto all this stuff, but won't tell me cause he gave up. Should i give up? I'm so hurt.
2007-03-05 03:55:32 · 17 answers · asked by linger 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Like I said I was the emotional support for me, him and the relationship. I validated him, but I'm the only girlfriend he's ever had and early on he stopped doing all the little things to validate me. It became too much with the weight of the house, especially when all of our quality time was spent getting wasted with our friends or doing chores. I'm pretty extroverted and he's an introvert, constantly making excuses for why we couldn't go for walks or we'd cancel dates to stay in and watch movies or fight. We had an amazing group of friends until last year when bad drama caused most of us to disband. I often wonder if we stayed together as long as we did, because I was getting my "boyfriend-like attention" from my friends. They were my support and quality time and with them gone we seemed to get into more fights that we're really about me feeling neglected and him walking away, telling me I was too much to handle. But I really do love him and I gave it everything. Is there really more
2007-03-05 12:25:02 · update #1
Until something gets resolved, the two of you will be in a bad place emotionally. I recommend cutting things off because it will never be the same.
He doesn't miss you. He misses who you were when things were good. Trust me, I've been there.
2007-03-05 03:59:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK so let me understand... you bought a house with your boyfriend but were unhappy. You left him because your found someone who could make you happy. You experienced the fallout of disapproval from friends and your whole life was destroyed.
I assume that now you have broken things off with the other guy, your alone and feeling the weight of your earlier decision and your old boyfriend suddenly doesn't seem like he was such a bad choice?
How would you feel if he had done this to you? Would you trust him and take him back?
Hey, we all mess up maybe you were more bored than unhappy it happens. Or maybe you were unhappy but now your lonely and you don't like being alone.
I don't think your old boyfriend wants your help, and you should give him his space. Maybe with time and space you guys can figure out what went wrong and whether it can be fixed now is not the time for him. Maybe never, those are the choices you made when you left him in the summer. Are you really hurt or just feeling rejected? Give up, and find out what you want, and need to be happy only than can you truly have something to give.
Good Luck
2007-03-05 12:20:37 · answer #2 · answered by cream city chick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it's a lesson learned--all that storybook crap about love should stay in movies and fairy tales.
You loved him and had feelings for someone else. Some people think this can't happen if you love him--that if you love someone else, you must not love the first guy, but that's just silly. People who touch your heart will come along from time to time, and it is up to you what you will do about it. You can't break a commitment to build a future together because someone pulls on your heartstrings. Sometimes novelty and the things your BF is lacking will make someone else more attractive. If you want to be in it for the long haul, you have to ignore the feelings other guys stir in you.
As to how to fix your relationship, or at least ease his pain, I don't think you can. Be there if he needs you, but I don't think you'll get back to where you were before. Just don't make that mistake again--you'll start wondering if you even know how to love, and relationships get pretty twisted when you get to that point.
2007-03-05 12:06:14 · answer #3 · answered by wayfaroutthere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it yourself that you can't be friends with him and that's what he wants..friendship but not a relationship...i don't understand why you broke up with him in the first place...your leaving stuff out in your story but I'm going to let that go...cause there is more to that story...i don't think you should give up...i think you should just be that friend that he wants and needs...and the trust will eventually come back...just take it slow maybe you will be together in the next 7 years...you have to start from the beginning all over again...now you have to work 10 times harder to be his best friend again and gain his trust back...HOLD UP...WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY WHEN THE OTHER GUY MADE YOUR HEART SORE...don't compromise yourself...be happy for yourself and not your friends, family or boyfriend...
2007-03-05 12:11:15 · answer #4 · answered by fatiegurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I am very sorry to hear your situation. I have been in serious relationships before, not 7 yrs by any means, but long by my standards. I have found that the only real way to stop hurting so much and to really move on for the both of you is to try to go your separate ways, anytime I try to stay friends or keep in touch, it makes it impossible to move on or focus on being happy for yourself. I'm sorry to tell you what I doubt you want to hear, but you need to be with the new man that makes your heart soar and start planning your future with him, without dwelling in the past :(
2007-03-05 12:01:28 · answer #5 · answered by Michael M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, alot of emotions have been damaged. You have to respect his hurt and the feeling of betrayal that he must feel. I would start this relationship up from scratch. I wouldn't give up if you love him. You state that he said he always wants you in his life, I think that is something you need to focus on - that is a positive, start back over as friends and let the romance come in when it is ready. My mom would say something like "you've made your bed now sleep in it" I know that sounds harsh, but it kinda rings true here - its going to have to be you that fixes this problem, I wouldn't expect him to put in too much effort. Good luck.
2007-03-05 12:07:36 · answer #6 · answered by redneckgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow..that's some story. I think you really broke his heart. I think you wanted to see if he really was the one for you by going out with this other guy. What happened to him (the new guy) now? What about all that stuff with this new guy making your heart soar and feeling like yourself again? If that's the way this new guy makes you feel, then maybe you should be with him. If you want to forget this new guy and go back with the other one, then it's going to take time. You hurt your boyfriend and now he feels like he can't trust you. It's also up to him...forgiveness will be entirely up to him. Good luck.
2007-03-05 12:02:25 · answer #7 · answered by qtpie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened to the "someone" who made your heart soar? If you still had feelings for your ex why did you make him your ex? So you were having problems-if you really cared about him (7 years is a really long time) why didn't you work it out? If it is meant to be and there is really something there between you two I'm sure there will be a way to work it out.
2007-03-05 12:13:10 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Kitty knows it all 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK now you know what to do when some guy comes around who makes your heart soar...You were with this guy for 7 years you should of worked harder at it to make it work and not go with another guy...I hope you learned from your experience..Now what I think you should do is prove to this guy you really care about him..You want him to trust you and that will take time so give him his space..dont presusure him too much...if he loves you he will go back with you and forgive you for what you did...but you need to prove yourself so he can see your really sorry and that you really love him...Dont give up on love if you know its real...Just dont force it...You need to know what he went through when you left him now..What goes around comes around girl...so just hold on and be patient....if he loves you he'll come back to you....
2007-03-05 12:14:22 · answer #9 · answered by Alejandra2008 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would cut it off till you guys can search your emotions yourselfs it is very hard to be friends after you are lovers. There are to many emotions involved. Good luck and God bless, pray about it maybe god will give you an answer.
2007-03-05 12:01:53 · answer #10 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋