He works as an RA which pays for his dorm fee, but we pay his tuition and have been giving him $100 per month for spending money. He never says "thank you" and so in January, I told him that his father would be transferring the money. Of course he forgot and our 19 year old didn't ask for it so he didn't get it in Feb. Now it's March and his father forgot again, I have e-mailed our son and told him (twice) that he needs to remind his Dad if he wants his allowance, and if he doesn't remind him by the 5th of the month, he will forfeit his allowance for the month. I just don't want him coming to me 5 months from now asking for $500 in back-allowance. Am I being too harsh? Is this unfair?
2007-03-05 03:17:41 · 8 answers · asked by pacshore 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We are actually not divorced, but I just got tired of his ungrateful attitude and just thought my husband can deal with him now. At the same time, I want to make it easy for him and I do want to give him the money, but he's not doing all that well away at college and he's a little on the lazy side.
2007-03-05 03:40:22 · update #1
Stop paying him an allowance. You pay for his tuition, which is very generous of you. If he wants extra spending money, he should work for it. He has no right to ask for back allowance, I would laugh at him if he asked for it. If he did demand it, then it would seem that he is entitled to it, which he isn't. You are giving him money out of the kindness of your hearts, not because you have to. If you think he is a little lazy and his grades are sub-par and you still want to give him money, then tell him that he has to maintain a certain grade point for the quarter/semester in order to get a monthly allowance. $100 isn't much, so he might not even notice, but if he really wants the money, he should work for it. And you should only pay for his education if he keeps good grades, if he does terrible on semester, then he is on probation and if he can't get his grades up, then cut him off all together. There are a lot of people in this world who aren't given much and work hard for what they have. Some people are given a lot and really appreciate it, others are given a lot and don't even notice because they think that is how the world works. They are in a big surprise when they finally have to earn something for themselves.
2007-03-05 04:24:23 · answer #1 · answered by Summer H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not owed the allowance so there would be no calling for back allowance. As well, why do you keep calling him asking him if he wants the money he needs to remind his dad to transfer it? I think it is great that you are helping him out but equally you need to be showing your son how to grow up and be a man. Right now it sounds like you want him to be a momma's boy and take care of him. Cut the strings and let him start learning.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 03:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your son does NOT need the money ... and that he is doing just fine without it. You need to RELAX ... use that $100 for yourSELF ... buy a book (or two), take yourself and your husband out to a good meal, and yes, have a fun time with just the two of you.
YOUR Son is now an adult ... away at college, and over the age of majority. At this point in life, you are DONE with your 'responsible job' of raising him to adulthood ... SO .... LET it GO and start ENJOYING the FREEDOM that being an Empty-Nesting person allows you to enjoy.
2007-03-05 04:04:20 · answer #3 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it you and your husband are divorced. If you are, how is this your problem? Let the men work it out themselves. Personally gifting your own son 25 buck a weeks does not seem like that big of deal. When our son was going to school we made it as easy as possible for him since he was working hard and never caused us any problems. Lay off the "mothering".
2007-03-05 03:27:39 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all! You gave him a date to ask for it by, and if he doesn't, he knows the consequences. It's a good way to teach him some responsibility and hopefully some appreciation for your generosity.
2007-03-05 03:31:10 · answer #5 · answered by chelelab 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to Dad here. Why isn't he making the transfer?
2007-03-05 03:36:19 · answer #6 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he needs to grow up and you need to let go
2007-03-05 03:40:20 · answer #7 · answered by giliani g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well obviously if he isn't asking for it he doesn't need it.. if he needs it he will ask his dad won't he/
2007-03-05 03:22:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋