Hi!
If you are a woman who was adopted as a child/baby and have gone on to have children of your own, I would love to here from you for the folllowing reason.
My wife and i agreed last year we wanted to start a family. At the beginning of the pregnancy, we were both really excited.
However, my wife began to lose interest very quickly and seemed to become very nervous, not talking to me and crying a lot.
She also refused to watch any of the scans that were done.
The birth was very difficult but both her and the baby are now fine. The problem is that a week and a half on,she has not bonded with our baby, seems very down and refuses to pick him up, feed him play with him etc.
Obviously, i am really concerned.
Thinking about it all, i am worried the fact she was adopted as a young child may have something to do with this as she does not have a good relationship with her adoptive parents and seems to feel very bitter towards her natural mother for not having kept her.
Can U HELP
2007-03-05 03:08:28 · 10 answers · asked by sergio r 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I don't think it was the adoption. I think its her hormone level gone bonkers, otherwise known as post-partum depression.
Take her to her OB/GYN. He might be able to help.
2007-03-05 03:13:10 · answer #1 · answered by mamasquirrel 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
My neighbor was adopted and now has 2 children. She does wonder where some of her features and habits come from, but she was so happy to have someone who resembled her. I think it is different for everyone though. I have to say, I am not adopted and had a hard time bonding with my 2nd child. I felt guilty, like i had betrayed my 1st child because he was so heartbroken about sharing his mommy. She may have some issue within herself that keeps her from bonding, or she could have post partum depression, which sometimes actually begins before birth.(I don't think they should call it POST- partum) Sometimes it takes a while for a mother to bond with her child, and it usually makes the mother feel worse about herself. Be as supportive as you can. If she won't talk about it, just make sure she isn't a danger to herself or the baby and do the best you can. It can be very hard. Try not to get angry. I would ask for help from family and friends as much as possible. I hope for the best for you all, and you are a good father and husband to be so insightful and concerned. Try to show her the beauty in her new baby and think of all the wonderful things to come. I finally realized that my daughter was going to experience things that only I could share with her. Puberty, boy troubles, etc. I fell in love, but it took time.
..The others are right, she should see a doctor, she may need medication or therapy if she is depressed.
2007-03-05 03:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by Athena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is adopted and she had none of the problems mentioned. Your wife needs help - is there anyway that you can afford a nanny or something to help her. Maybe she should seek counseling for depression. Have you talked to her at all about this? I've never heard that being adopted can cause these types of feelings, but I'm not 100% sure. There are 7 of us and my mother never said much about depression since she was adopted. If counseling is not an option, try to do your part by letting her know that she is a great mother, that she's doing great, that the baby is beautiful. Help as much as you can. Let her get out sometimes. I'm worried about your child, as you should be as well.
2007-03-05 03:18:04 · answer #3 · answered by downinmn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like post partom depression! You should get her tested and on medication and into a psychologist as soon as possible, if you dont believe in medication at least get her to see someone! One of my good friends has a 1 year old and she was adopted also. She gets a little anxious about what genes she is going to pass down and a little upset about not being able to see if the child looks anything like her parents but all else is well. It has to be extra hard that your wife doesnt have a good relationship with her adoptive parents! I know men would like to solve the problems of their wives but sometimes it needs to be delt with by an expert and since you are there with your wife and baby, it's hard enough for you to worry about being the best daddy you can be, your baby really needs you there right now (and it sounds like you are doing a WONDERFUL job). Hope everything works out well and GOOD LUCK!!
2007-03-05 04:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by Mommyof3 BGB 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two need to get some professional help. I'm sorry to hear about this and I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but she REALLY needs to get help for the baby's sake. And you need to pay close attention to her (you have been so far, good job) and help her in any way she needs. Tell her, or her childs doctor and get names of someone who can help with post partum deppression - that would be your best bet.
Is she working? Getting a part time job may give her time to think and help her appretiate her baby. I wouldn't know if her being adopted would have anything to do with it though.
Good luck - hope it gets better
2007-03-05 03:18:31 · answer #5 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like post par-tum depression to me, rather than the simple bonding issue based on her adoption. I would think that most adoptive mothers would have some peace once their child was born to finally "see" themselves in another person. I would have your wife speak with her obgyn, the depression deal can be very serious, but can be corrected with help.
2007-03-06 00:31:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It maybe to do with that but she could be suffering from Postnatal Depression (sometimes called postpartum), a very common condition that new mothers go through.
Here is some information on it:
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/postnatalmentalhealth/postnataldepression.aspx
Make sure you ask her doctor!
You could also take her to a psychologist to help her open up to her fears and issues.
Hope this has helped!
2007-03-05 03:14:00 · answer #7 · answered by don't stop the music ♪ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to call her ob. You could be looking at a depression issue. Or the issue you mentioned above. Either way talking to a third party may be what she needs right now to help her through this.
2007-03-05 03:15:02 · answer #8 · answered by punkin_eater26 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might have post-pardum (sp) depression. She needs to see a therapist or a doctor as soon as possible so she won't get any further depressed.
2007-03-05 03:13:53 · answer #9 · answered by Just Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it might be that ...but it might be post partum depresion... you need to get her medical help and FAST!!!!!!!!!!
they way she interacts with your baby is unhealthy for her and can be dangerous for your child....
post partum depression is very dangerous ,,, call your Dr, and if you can't get her to go... take the baby to and take her yourself.. she is suffering while she is ignoring the baby .... help her
2007-03-05 03:15:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋