Are my parents wrong in giving my departed sisters' name to my cousin?

Question

My sister, Heather, passed away in July. She was 33 and fought brain cancer for 5 years. This week my cousin and his wife had a baby girl. They called my parents and asked if they could name her after my sister. My parents were thrilled and said yes. I found out and am hurt. I had thought that if and when I have a baby girl I want to name her Heather in honor of my sister. I explained this to my mom and asked her if they could use my sisters' name for a middle name instead. She said I was being selfish, it was their decision, I don't have any say in this matter and what if I never have a daughter! Needless to say I am shocked at my parents reaction. I have never felt so betrayed in my life. They taught us to be kind and loving to each other and now they don't want me to feel anything but happy and honored about their choice. Am I wrong to feel this way or be upset at their reaction to my feelings? Please help my sisters' birthday is this wednesday and we are getting together.

Answer 1

Your not wrong at all. I think that your parents should've told your cousin "Use Heather as the middle name because (your name) wants to name her daughter that" I'm doing the same thing with my cousin. She lost her mom when she was 2, so I am using my Aunt's name as the middle name for my first daughter. That way my aunt's full name is still there for my cousin to use. Even though they named their daughter Heather, you can still name your first daughter Heather as well. Just make sure they have different middle names. I do agree that your parents were wrong not to talk to you about it first. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Considering you are not pregnant there really is no reason to be upset. It is a name, it is a name they could have chosen without requesting permission from anyone. Even if you do have a child and it is a girl you can still name her whatever you wish without asking anyone's approval. I think keeping your sister's name in your future daughter's name is a nice idea. Of course you are dissappointed and so was I when someone chose a name close to me that I had wanted to name my son. But it shouldn't rule how you feel about your cousin or parents. They are also trying to honour your sisters memory by carrying on her name. The important issue isn't the name. But that she is remembered fondly by yourself and your future daughter as well as the rest of your family. And only you can ensure that happens for yourself and your family. She is in your heart not the name.

Answer 3

The more people that carry her name, the more times the name will come up and she will be remembered.
You are not being selfish, but maybe just not understanding your parents feelings.
Yes, she was your sister but also their child.
They want her remembered any and every way they can.
it says a lot about how much they respected her.
Pleae support them in this..
A child is not supposed to die before a parent.
There can be two to four children in the family with her name, it really doesn't matter....
Keep her alive, she would be tickled pink that everyone wants to have a connection to her.
She is probably wtching all t his and would like you to feel good about this. She knows you are hurting and she needs you to understand she probably was present when they delivered their baby.
it is a great honour to be named after a cousin and you should be very proud that they chose her name.

Answer 4

I don't think that your parents are wrong, nor do I think your wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings where death, and after mass of it are concerned. Your parents probably feel it is a nice sentament on your cousins behalf and maybe they are using that as part of their healing process. As for your feelings, maybe your cousin should have considered them as well. I do think it's a bit of a stertch to say "if I had a daughter" but what's to stop you from using Heather as a middle name in your own tribute to your sister. Here's the deal.........Feel happy to know that your sister was loved by your ENTIRE family, feel happy to know that your not the only one who loved her enough to want their child to bear her name. I think your sister would probably think it's cool that people are "fussing" over who gets to name their child after her. I know your dissapointed but at the same time, this little baby is a new life, and her bearing a beautiful name makes it all the more special. Miss your sister, continue to love her, and most importantly let yourself grieve/heal the way you need to and your parents in the way that they need to. I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, cancer is a horrible thing and has taken some of my family members, but the important thing is to know that your sister knows your intentions, and knows that you love her, and that your selfishness is because of that love. I wish you well, and I hope you receive some comfort in the matter. God Bless!

Answer 5

You should feel honoured that your cousin would name her baby after your departed sister.
There is no reason why you could not name a daughter if you ever have one after your sister also as I'm sure the last names would be different.Names are often passed down through generations in families and you can do the same.

Answer 6

I think you should just be quiet...be happy for the new parents, and delight in the fact that they loved your sister enough to want to make THEIR daughter a namesake...
My husband had two brothers..one died at age 18...my husband and his remaining brother both had sons..and each gave their sons the middle name of the deceased brother's first name...
Why don't you wait until you have a daughter of your own before fretting about it? Maybe you could use "Heather" as YOUR daughter's middle name??? And in fact...you may never get a chance to use the name....what if you end up having all boys? How would you feel then, about making such a fuss about it now?
Delight in that new baby...rejoice in her name...and be happy...life's too short to spend it miserable...especially over something like this...I'd be willing to bet your sister would not want all the arguing about it....

Answer 7

Your not selfish!!! Your still in the grieving process these things take time. Look at it as a good thing that your sister was loved by so many people who want to help keep her memory alive. There is no reason why their can't be 5 or 6 little heathers running around your family!!!

Answer 8

I'm sorry for your loss. Although I can understand your desire to honor your sister by giving her name to your future child, your sister is still being honored by your cousin. I'm sure your sister would tell you to select a name for your child that is meaningful. Perhaps you could use your sisters middle name or something that means the same. I would be upset too, but I would also be thrilled that a new baby was coming into the family and how joyous that can be.

Best of luck to you

Answer 9

I think you have every right to be upset, In a way it is nice of you cousin to want to Honor her, but I think that you have "the right" to want to keep that name for your daughter. I agree that they could have used it for a middle name rather than a first name!!!!!!!! You should try to talk it out with your parents though, I am sure that they are still grieving just as much as you, tell them that you are not trying to be selfish you just thought that it was your right not theirs, Hope this helps. Sorry for you loss.

Answer 10

you're able to desire to have checked with them first, besides the undeniable fact that it replaced into an easy mistake. Giving a newborn a small volume of susceptible alcohol won't harm them or something - it is ordinary in maximum worldwide places. the U. S. is between the few puritanical worldwide places whilst it is composed of eating, and that for the time of all probability contributes to the quantity of alcohol abuse here. It looks like the kin over-reacted in a important way. once you're attracted to conserving kin team spirit, you should call them up and ask for forgiveness and clarify that it somewhat is a kin custom which you have been attempting to share. this is as much as them to settle on regardless of if to make this right into a controversy long-term. it is likewise available that they have been in simple terms searching for an excuse - in the event that they belong to a various faith and don't do lots with the kin, according to danger this in simple terms gave them a handy excuse to avert the the remainder of the kin interior the destiny and additionally you basically surpassed off to be the fall guy.