She just turned 1 and is an only child and is use to ALL of our attention. She is having a hard time at daycare and seems almost frightened to play with other kids. When she gets home she CLINGS to me for dear life (she only goes on thursdays and fridays) for a couple of days. Whats the best way to help her and me cope? I know its hard on her at day care but its hard for me to have a very clingy child when it comes to dinner. She doesnt even want to go to her dad. When I do put her down she will just throw a fit. Is that what I should do? Am I enabling her?
2007-03-05 02:39:38 · 12 answers · asked by Ashley 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I dont need help identifying the problem, just solving it, and her dad is a WONDERFUL dad. The are as thick as theives unless shes trying to be up my butt!
2007-03-05 02:58:57 · update #1
"sweet baby" I assure you, we ndo not all have the luxury of staying home with our children. I go to work for clothes, pampers and food. I go to make a living. I am not fortunate enough to stay with my child all of the time. Some of us have to work. As for the day care it is very small and i do drop in as well as grandparents and so far we cant find a thing wrong.
2007-03-05 04:44:26 · update #2
I have taken my son to daycare since he was 9 months old and he was clingy like that (3-years old now and still has spells occassionally). God, I know what you mean about trying to fix dinner with a little one hanging off your leg or crying constantly until you wind up trying to cook with one hand. It is very normal for her to cry when you leave her at daycare because she is out of her "comfort" zone. But as a mom, you know that she has to learn to be an environment with other children, to learn to socialize. That's especially important for an only child. My son doesn't cry when he goes to daycare and here is what helped:
We go to the daycare in a happy mood and talk about good things to expect. I kiss him goodbye and LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. You are only prolonging the inevitable and not only that, she will sense your hesitation. Be sure to tell her goodbye and quickly leave. BE PERSISTANT even though it is hard...remember that being a mom means doing things that maybe hard for you but necessary for your daughter's wellbeing.
Next, when you get home and she starts clinging and you have to cook....tell Dad he doesn't have a choice, get off the couch, get in the floor and PLAY with her. No matter how much she insists, refuse to hold her while you are trying to cook. Eventually, she will get the idea and so will Dad. You must stick to your guns on this one. Not only is it impossible to cook it is unsafe with a kid on your hip.
Best of luck to your, dear. This part is certainly no fun.
2007-03-05 02:52:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
It is an adjustment for her and you too. I would find out from the Daycare what sort of things they do while she is there and play pretend with her at home as though she were at Daycare. Whenever she wants to throw a fit, I would distract her. For instance if she does not want to go to Dad, then you and Dad do some type of a fun game together and let her join in. These are merely suggestions on how to make this transition a little easier for you. It is something that will work itself out anyway, just trying to help you from going bananas.
2007-03-05 02:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure there is nothing going on at the daycare. Stop in on them unexpectedly at different times of day without warning. Have your husband do it, too. If this means you need to use an hour of sick time periodically, do it. If this means you need to use your lunch period to check on her, do it.
If she is being left alone in a crib for hours a day, that's a problem. If she is being spanked or yelled at by caregivers, that's a problem. If no one is making sure she gets enough to eat, that's a problem. If her diapers are staying dirty for long periods of time, that's a problem. Watch for any signs of anything being a little off. While this may sound paranoid, this is your child and you are her only advocate. You can't take any risks. Just because the people seem nice when you talk to them doesn't mean things are going well when you're not there.
If they tell you not to check on her because it upsets her, you can try to be discrete and just peek in, but don't let them deter you from making sure your child is okay. Or get grandma or a friend to do it for you. (Arrange in advance for them to have permission to visit.)
That said, it may just take time to adjust. If you go to the daycare and see that she is being well cared for, it may just take some time for her to get used to the idea that you can leave her and you will always come back.
2007-03-05 03:21:25 · answer #3 · answered by Behaviorist 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hang in there. It sounds pretty stressful for you too! If your daughter is in a good center (and of course she is!) she will begin to adjust. Her clinging to you at night might be because she is super tired and adjusting to a new nap schedule. Maybe you could postpone your own dinner until she is in bed and comfy? My son occasionally will go through a period of separation anxiety when we leave him at daycare (he's almost 2) but it always passes after a while. Maybe she will adjust and it will seem more fun for her as she gets used to the other kids. Talk to your provider about how she's reacting and maybe they can work with you to make it less traumatic for you.
(And as a side note - it drives me nuts everytime a parent asks a daycare question there is always someone who chimes in that we should all be staying home. Sorry - I like to be able to pay my rent and have health insurance and food - we can't all stay home! Didn't mean to hijack your question - but you are clearly very upset and it annoys me that people would say that....)
2007-03-05 06:32:18 · answer #4 · answered by Carol G 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Is it possible for maybe you to spend a couple hours at daycare wtih her one day so that she can see that mommy isn't just leaving her and that it is ok to play and have fun? This may help with the adjustment.
My son had a hard time adjusting to daycare as well, they said that he was real fussy most of the day. Unfortunetly, it just took time until he was comfortable with the 2 ladies there and being around other babies. Now they say that he is just the happiest little guy they have ever seen.
I hope that it gets better for you.
2007-03-05 03:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You really have to control your emotions in front of her. Make pick up and drop off time a very possitive experience. Give her 10-15 minutes of undivided attention when you get home. Some kind of routine that she can look forward to- maybe a story and cuddle. Then give her something distracting to do. Ask her to color you a picture or build a tower out of blocks for you and Daddy. Then get busy with dinner. When she is done with her project, make a big deal out of it. "Let's show Daddy too" and let Daddy take over. In a few days she will look forward to this special time with both of you. Try to transition her in a smooth matter- of - fact way.
2007-03-05 02:52:45 · answer #6 · answered by ankle biter tamer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it's really too late to spare her this slight tinge of anxiety... Nor should you try to...You should not have spoiled her. Parents think that lavishing attention on a child and always protecting them from every little thing is loving them...
It's not. Obviously, you know it now and you can begin to correct one of the most common mistakes all first time parents make with their first child.
This I why the second and third child is always allowed a little more freedom. Bumps and scares and boo-boo's are a teaching tool and it is not mean to allow them interaction and potential but minor danger. That is how they learn to protect themselves and to socialize on their own.
Don;t beat yourself up for it... Everyone does it. Now that you see what the effects are, you will socialize her more and allow her some freedom to get hurt and not be so afraid that if you don't constantly interact and intervene, that she won't love you or need you.
Sometimes what seems mean or slightly neglectful, is actually beneficial to the childs own mental health. Like the moms who allow their kids to hang upside down on the monkey bars and practically ignore them... With my first, that was "Oh how could they be so careless, what bad mothers!" With my second, I was more mellow and understood that getting hurt (within reason) even feelings and emotions and what seems like neglect, is actually just giving a child the space they need to learn for themselves how to cope without you.
Remember... You are there to be a guide. Not a master of their every feeling and action. Stop being a crutch and allow her to feel her feelings and understand that it's not the end of the world if you are not the one to always comfort her. You both need to let go... not just her!
Think about it...
2007-03-05 02:53:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
That's a tough situation. We sent our son to daycare with a favourite stuffed animal and a little photo album with pictures of all his favourite people in it. They would look at it with him during the day and that seemed to help him. It may take her a while to adjust to playing with the other kids - although at this age they don't really "play" with the other kids, they just watch.
2007-03-05 02:45:52 · answer #8 · answered by Liam J 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give her a liitle time to adjust.. It will take a while, but she will start playing with the other kids and she will soon become so happy with the idea of going to daycare..
2007-03-05 02:46:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my experience Daycare providers have no compassion for a child who is having a hard time adjusting to the setting. They also have alot of children who want their attention so it is hard to give just one any time. I suggest finding someone who provides out of their home who can give her attention that she needs and deserves. With her being clingy like she is it would make me wonder if someone is being mean to her.
2007-03-05 02:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by cmsmith114 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋