ok. i was previously with an extremly abusive guy for 7 years and finally got the nerve to leave him. Months later I meet this man, whom im totally in love with now, and could possibly be pregnant with his baby. we have discussed names before and if it is a boy...he wants the name he was given, which is the same as his dads and his grandpas, passed down through generations. i know its really important to him. now heres the dilema. his middle name is that of the abusive man i CHOSE to leave and exclude form my life. i knwo it is so important to him, and i just want him to realize...it would be very wierd for me to have a child named that. what to do ?
2007-03-05 02:38:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I have experience in this exact area. Sweetie that baby (if) is a whole new person. You will not think about that man when you see your child. THat name will take on a whole new meaning for you and further erase the old memory from your mind. The thought process your going through here is one that is holding on to that painful past. That is not unusual. As bad as it is you would think we wouldn't but abused victims often hang on to that crap more than we think we do and way more than we should
2007-03-05 02:47:46 · answer #1 · answered by jsbug66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is something you can't look passed then he should understand that. When you call your child by his name you wanna say it and think good thoughts........but if they have the name of something bad then that might not be so. Maybe it can be a girl and it won't matter. And once the child has the name you may not think of it as the middle name of your abuser but of you baby. Just think about it long and hard you have time. Good luck.
2007-03-05 10:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by Mommyof3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was also with an abusive man. Remember the name he had did not make him abusive. Its his middle name therefor you wont use it that much. My children both are named after the ex............ My son has his name, and my daughter has the female name for his middle name. When i say their full names I dont even think of him, they are my babies and I love them all of them even their names.
Put the past behind u........... Its over with and you wont have to live that way again. Start going to councilling, take your man with you. Do couples councilling. Tell the theropist your last relationship was an abusive one, and you need help with trusting a man fully again. It will help.
2007-03-05 10:49:39 · answer #3 · answered by tammer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one, talk to him about a compromise, take the first name and get another middle name, or can you at least spell it differently? On the other hand it might be time to leave the past behind, it's just a name, see what you are comfortable with.
2007-03-05 10:42:41 · answer #4 · answered by Maria b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a middle name don't stress it ! your naming the child after a good man not the abusive sob.but if you feel that strongly about it talk your man about it.
2007-03-05 10:49:12 · answer #5 · answered by marie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are going to have to talk to him about it. as important as it is to him to keep the family name, it is also equally important to you to give your child a name that you do not resent. you are both going to have to talk and come to a conclusion together. however, don't worry about it until you actually know that you are pregnant.
2007-03-05 10:41:51 · answer #6 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What about a variation on the name? Would that be a suitable compromise? E.g. if he wants Christopher, what about Christian?
2007-03-05 10:45:26 · answer #7 · answered by Laura H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋