I grew up in a family with both parents and one younger brother. Mother has always been strict and in control of the household. My father just played the part.
I was never good enough for her, she told us how scum we were (my brother and I) and threatened us. We had cops visit us when we were younger and had sessions with the psychologist but to no success. She always favored my brother, giving him the world, brand new car, everything he asked for. While, I worked for everything that I have now. We haven't spoken in 2 years while I was living at home with my parents. Now, we're ALL split up. My brother is living elsewhere, my father moved to the basement. I'm 26 and I moved out without a word and now live with my boyfriend. She sent me a beautiful b-day present to my job with a card attached asking for forgiveness and how much she regrets how she treated me. She knows that she hasn't given me any love that I deserved. It brought tears to my eyes.
2007-03-05 02:35:10 · 9 answers · asked by Jenna S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The question is.. what should I do now.. Should I approach her? We went through this before and again to no success. I don't want to end in disappointment.
2007-03-05 02:36:16 · update #1
Would a thank you card do, or should I thank her in person?? It will be very difficult and uncomfortable considering I haven't seen (several months) or spoken to her.
2007-03-05 02:44:36 · update #2
3 strikes and she is out. Count how many times it has happened. If she deserves one more chance then give it to her.
You must let your past go and not dwell on what has happened. If you don't you will never live in the present or future .
It will cause fear in you which will prevent you from having confidence to do the things you need to do,. making the right choices.
You have to be your best, have confidence in your self and know that you deserve the best.
Just because she screwed up when you were younger, doesn't mean that is how your life has to play out.
You can choose to do better and despite her, lead a wonderful and prosperous life.
If you feel she is a negative factor in your life and is trying to manipulate you then stay clear.
You know what is best for you.
You should only keep the people in your personal circle who love your unconditionally and do not try to hurt you.
If she has gone through a rehab program of some kind, or found God, or is repenting for her sins , then accept the gift and leave it at that.
She is either feeling her guilt and is upset with herself and trying to make up, which she never will.
You can forgive her but do not forget.
Do not let her selfishness and cruelty ruin your wonderful life.
Be good to yourself as you deserve it and do not repeat her behaviour if you have a family.
This will haunt her to her grave.
You have to decide if you can let go and forgive her.
Keep her at a distance in your life, do not let her get close enough to hurt you again.
2007-03-05 02:49:04 · answer #1 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bond between a mother and daughter is very special. No matter what happened between you two, the bond is always there. Parenting is a hard tough job, basically no one gives you a map as how to do it. Your mom might have learned her parenting skills from her parents, although it is not a perfect one. As she grows older and wiser, she may have realized what she had done to her only daughter and is asking for your forgiveness. You do have loving feelings for your mom, give her a chance to make up to you. Both of you will benefit from this loving relationship. In the near future, when you have your own family, your relationship with your mother will have a big impact on your daughter. We all make mistakes, but we all deserve a second chance. Perhaps your mom need more chances.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 03:00:46 · answer #2 · answered by Kimora Miranda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With you or not, mothers are forever. If it wasn't clear to her then what drove a stake between you two, meet with her and be clear about what it was all those years growing up which imbittered you to her. Then give her the opportunity to see you've grown up and become what you are, no matter what you perceived she did to you and you're your own woman, to accept you for what you are today. If she is any kind of mother, she'll ask forgiveness and come around and you can continue a relationship
2007-03-05 02:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello..
I am so sorry to hear about your pain..but i can relate..
AllI can tell you from my experieces is this..
We are all sinners.. we all do.. so we all need forgiven in life..
I would suggest that you of course accpet her outstretched hand.. but keep boundries strictly..
YOu set the tone for how you will have her in your life.. not her. and if she cant accpet it .. then you will see in life..
Sometimes it does not always work..
Im sure you dont want to hurt again.. but you already have alot of informaton.. in your favor..
Yes it was nice what she did.. but it does not make up for years of hurt and neglet.. forgive her and tell her thanks.. have limited contact.. to keep the peace.. but.. She made decisions long ago that she will have to live with for the rest of her life..
In time.. if she stays on good behavior..and gets help you may have a shred of hope.. but dont expect anything.. then you wont be disappointed if it turns that way..
Ill say a prayer for you
2007-03-05 02:42:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing wrong in trying to make amends. She is your mom, but dont let your guard completely down. You need to just come straight out and tell her how she has hurt you.If she takes offense and gets unwilling to listen than you know she hasnt changed.If she does listen and tries to explain herself then you may have something to build a relationship on. Just dont let your emotions rule and give right in. That way if it does go sour, you will already be prepared. good luck.
2007-03-05 02:47:07 · answer #5 · answered by dynamite136 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just write her a letter saying that you forgive her. Try to talk to her though. Do you want me to send you an article about broken up families?
2007-03-05 04:04:30 · answer #6 · answered by Chrishonda Alston 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her a thank you note. Put the ball back in her court.
If she's burned you before when you've made the effort, let her put her neck out this time
2007-03-05 02:40:36 · answer #7 · answered by larsgirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give her a chance to redeem herself. However, if she goes back to her old ways you know she didn't mean it.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 02:41:41 · answer #8 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always be forgiving she said she was sorry what more can u ask for
2007-03-05 02:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by bluemejersey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋