getting my husband to help with our son?

Question

my husband is in the army and he got back from iraq about 6 months ago. he was gone for a year so i was the one taking care of our now 2 year old son. the problem is since he has been back he has tried to put our son to sleep once or twice but gave up because he wanted me to read his story and tuck him in. and i'm the one that is always doning everything for and with our son. i help him eat, get his dressed, give him his bath, and put him to sleep at nights. i just wish my husband was a little more willing to help out. we are about to have another baby in 5 months and i don't hink i can take care of both children and the house without any help.

Answer 1

My husband also served in Iraq and seemed to have a little trouble relating to people when he came home.
I imagine it's difficult for him to relate to a child because the environment in Iraq is so different from home. Does he have trouble relating in any other situations, or just with small children? He may feel detatched because he missed so much while he was gone, and your son prefers you because he is used to you being the primary caregiver. Maybe you can encourage your husband to try something new with your son that you don't do with him. Something that's just Daddy and Elliot's thing. That may help them both to bond a little more.
Also, try talking to your husband about what needs done around the house. Ask what he feels comfortable with, or acknowledge what he does well, and ask if he would be willing to help. My husband said they weren't responsible for anything other than their jobs when he served, so your husband may just be having trouble getting back into the routine of home opposed to service life.
I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 2

I am sure this is a huge adjustment for all of you. Your son has gotten used to you being the only caregiver, and probably is feeling a little shy around his dad. They are going to need time to get to know one another again - and at that age, it can take quite a while. Your husband is maybe feeling a little frustrated and hurt that your son wants you to do everything. It is hard for those coming back to adjust to the fact that life has gone on without them at home. Try to create low-key situations where your husband can do things for your son, or times you can do things with and for your son together. You may need to build new routines, but slowly, so there is as little stress on your son and husband as possible. Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling and what you are seeing? He may be giving up so easily because you appear willing to step in and take over - it is usually easier to quit trying than to do something that is hard :) Good luck with this situation, and your new baby!

Answer 3

I assume that you have talked to him about helping you and it hasn't worked. I am a firm believer that writing letters helps in a lot of situations. Since you have probably tried to talk about it, write all of your thoughts and feelings about it in a letter to your husband. Sometime a letter will allow things to soak in without the opportunity for argument. You can also make a reasonable schedule for the times that you would appreciate him taking over so that you may have a few quiet moments for yourself. It may be one day a week or two hours a day, it is according to what you may need. If the child resists and still wants only you, you may have to leave the house for some relaxation. Post this schedule on the refrigerator or poster board, that way you can get through the day because you will have some time for yourself to look forward too. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Answer 4

Remember your husband has been out of your childs life for a long time now and the child thinks this man is a stranger.. this must be very hard on daddy.. Why dont you try doing some of the thing YOU have to do together.. get the child used to you boith doing it.. slowly transitioning over to daddy doing it and mommy being in the room to finally daddy gaining the childs trust and doing it withut mommy all the time..

THis is a learning and growing period and I know you must be frustrated.. but keep at it and it will work out for you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Your son doesn't know daddy. Dad needs to use his patients to get to know his own son. Try talking to your son and husband, ask your son which one he wouls like you to do and which things dad can help with.

Devide the activities into choices, such as, "I am only going to help you take your bath or get dressed, dad will help you with the other." "I will only read your story or tuck you in, dad will do the other." If your son can't choose, then you and your husband can choose and trade off the next night.

This way your son can get to know dad and still have mom close by. It might be hard the first week, but you need to teach your son that dad is there now.

Answer 6

First, you have to excuse your husband for what he's going through. Stuff happening in Iraq is no fun. As a one who had first hand experience with those, your husband might still probably trying to get rid of the horror out of his mind.
Give him some time and sit together and talk about it. Try to make him understand the importance role of dad in the boy's life. Don't say that he needs to do his share. Show him you understand what he's going thru. Good luck!

Answer 7

Well, please forgive me if my solution might sound sarcastic, but it isn't.

Has anyone wondered why most men when they start dating they will do back flips to gain their women's approval? No matter what women think, in the end it boils down to getting the woman to put out and provide regular sex.

The moment men start getting it without much of a hassle, they resort to being their true nature. And most of the time that is being the lazy, irresponsible creatures they are around house and family chores. I am not putting down men, after all I am one. But that is the nature of men.

This might have been the perfect setup if we were still living in caves and men had to go out and hunt all day for food while women tended the cave and the off springs. But in our modern day setup, things have changed. So men must pull up their socs around the house and start contributing to rearing their families.

That said, sit your husband down and tell him: Buddy when we decided to have these babies I didn't see you give up that easily! So if you do not want to have a permanent address at the sofa bed, you better shape up or ship out, And that is an order, soldier!

Well, he will come through, I am sure.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Hun, talk to him about this and see what he says. Your son will also have adjust to his daddy being home and doing things for him. Good luck with the new baby. Tell your husband that this is stressful and that you need help. You are 4 months pregnant and you need some help. He should see that. Just sit down and talk to him maybe he will understand better. Tell him you are both in this together and you need his help. They are his kids too.

Answer 9

Military Husbands...?

Answer 10

you ha ve to take some responsibility for what's going on. you're enabling this situation. I did the same thing and honestly, I love that my son loves me to do all that and wants me. but by doing that and keeping that going....I was not doing justice for his dad and his relationship. it's so hard to watch him cry for me but if I am out of sight he can do it too. you need to go to the other room and tell your husband that you know he can do it and tell him to try doing what you do. I think u feel important by being loved so much by your baby. you need to share that love with his dad. esp if you have another coming. omg. one is easy! just wait. you will need the help. what if youre nursing the baby and your son needs to go to sleep? which one do you tell to wait? do u leave your 2 yr old cry while you nurse the baby who obviously needs you? or do u nurse while u put him to bed while hubby is watching tv? hmmmm