Boyfriend interested in swinging, what to do?

Question

My boyfriend who I've been with for 5 years has recently shown interest in swinging - i.e. us having sex with other couples. He used to get jealous really easily, and now he never does. I still get jealous easily though. I feel like I've failed to please him and I'm not good enough etc etc this is why he wants to have sex with other people. Or he's been in this relationship so long and realizes he doesn't want to have sex with the same girl his whole life. And I'm afraid if I don't participate in swinging with him, that he'll cheat on me and we'll break up. I'm also afraid that now he's thinking it's ok if he has sex with someone else, as long as they don't have feelings for each other. I'm a very liberal, open-minded, and non-religious person, but I still can't see pleasure or happiness in watching my significant other have sex with someone else. Is this a big enough thing to end relationships? Have you ever had this problem? Any advice is greatly appreciated..

Answer 1

Personally I don't agree with "swinging", but to each his own. However, I don't think you should do anything you aren't comfortable with - no matter who asks you.

Healthy, successful relationships are built on love and respect. I don't think your boyfriend could honestly love or respect you if he's willing to "share" you with someone else. Not only is this degrading, it's potentially dangerous (physically and emotionally).

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Don't do something that you will regret. If your boyfriend decides to "leave you" just because you won't "swing", how much does he really care about you?

You deserve to be with someone who puts your well being above their own. Someone who will love you and respect you. Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish and immature person. Maybe you should be the one to move on.

Don't settle for less than what you deserve, you owe it to yourself. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Swinging always leads to trouble, so it's much better to keep it in your mind (as a sexual fantasy). If my partner asked me if I wanted to swing, the first thing I'd think is that she is not happy with the relationship, and perhaps I'd terminate the relationship. But everybody thinks different, that's just my point of view. The obvious risk involved is that other feelings will be developed over time and the relationship will crash. If you do not feel comfortable with this option, just don't do it, and if according to your partner that is reason enough to end the relationship, maybe you should end it. He'll probably become a cheater as time goes by, and remember, there are lots of fish in the sea. And don't you feel like you're not good enough. Don't let anybody take this kind of control over your mind and body. If you agree to do something it's gotta be because you are comfortable with it and you'll enjoy it, too. Think twice before doing this, you won't regret it. Have a good one.

Answer 3

If your not comfortable, do not do it. If you are jealous, do not do it.. If he pressures you, it was not meant to be, go and find someone who is happy with just you... My wife always had a fantasy of being with another women. We agreed to just let things happen and see where it goes.... That was 11 years ago and we still have not experienced our little fantasy.. We are just as happy to keep it that way rather than put somthing into our relationship that could cause problems... We have kids and they are getting older and smarter. So we are happy to keep things just the way they are.. Somtimes we visit strip clubs or watch a movie and try to keep a little play in our sex life.. But never would we do anything without both agreeing. Now if you are interested and say that your the jealous one.. Tell your boyfriend you would rather just have another man join you and see how that strikes him..lol... Good Luck and remember you are worth more than a night of wild group sex....

Answer 4

Id say no! Or i'd drop him like a hot potato! If you guys have been together for 5 years that you really need to love each other by now, which i'm assuming you do. If you do, than you should know that love is shared between two people and that's all. And if you dont, than your just setting yourself up for regrets. You have a reason to not want to see him having sex with another person, that's wrong on his part to even bring it up! I say either drop him, or tell him that it's too bad, too sad, your not doing something your not going to enjoy as well.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Most relationships that last five years in which the couples have not married show a tendency for one of the partners to want to have extracurricular sex due to boredom. This is not good. If the partner shows he wants swingers now, just imagine how long it would have been after a marriage before he'd wanted the same thing. It's an excuse to have affairs without the guilt, that's all. And you'd be smart to consider confronting him with the ultimatum of settling down and sticking to just you--or else!

Answer 6

I'm the same way, I would not see pleasure in watching my man with some other girl in on the action! But my man says I am all that he can handle, because I asked him if he ever wanted to just to see what he would say.... So, maybe there is something he's not getting out of the relationship. Or he's just like alot of guys and wants a couple girls on him... hard to say. But, do whatever makes you happy. If that means going through something hard...like breaking up...then so be it. As long as your happy and your man doesnt make you do anything you would feel uncomfortable! Good luck...

Answer 7

i think it is a good indication that your relationship as you knew it is over. there is a good chance that he won't cheat on you if you stay together though. it might just be something that he is interested in doing because he wants to have sex with other people. but if he loves you he will respect your feelings. maybe he just wanted to feel you out and see if you could be interested in it also. i don't think the pleasure would come from seeing him with somebody else, it would come from you being with somebody else. but there are those stories about guys liking to see their girls with somebody different. i think that's perverted but if they can find somebody who is also interested in it then who am i to judge. the point is, you should ask him if he is just interested in it or if it is really important for him to be able to have sex with other people. if it's the latter then you should definitely find another man because he will probably harbor resentment towards you forever. it's hard to make the choice between possible loneliness without him or possible eternal unhappiness with him but it is a decision only you can make.

Answer 8

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. If you're in a committed relationship, you don't force each other to have sex with other people. If you think he's going to cheat on you if you don't participate, he's not committed to you, and you need to find someone else.

Swinging is a huge relationship killer. A lot of couples broke up because one of them wanted to swing and the other was forced into it. Don't let this pressure change you or make you have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with.

Answer 9

If you're doubting this, then don't do it. Because this is one of those situations where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. If you swing for him, it'll tear you up inside, which will put stress on the relationship anyway. Rather stick to your guns and say "No". This isn't him asking you to give more head or wear sexier underwear. This is him asking to bring other people into the relationship. You're allowed to say "No". If he doesn't like it, then you may have to break up with him over this.

As a compromise, why don't you guys try role-playing or dressing up as other people?

Good luck! I hope you guys can work something out.

Answer 10

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RE:
Boyfriend interested in swinging, what to do?
My boyfriend who I've been with for 5 years has recently shown interest in swinging - i.e. us having sex with other couples. He used to get jealous really easily, and now he never does. I still get jealous easily though. I feel like I've failed to please him and I'm not good enough etc...