You must read this it is soo funny! I need input tho......?

Question

Okay so we have an english assignment to write an essay about our expertise, and my teacher doesnt give out the easy grades, so I choose somthing funny to help maybe pursuade him. Tell me what you think:

Cassie Wingate

HOW TO TEACH YOUR CAT NOT TO POOP ON THE FLOOR

First off, do not be upset with your cat when you come home to a piece of poop on your carpet. They do not know better. Cats do not learn as easily as dogs or other animals do. Although, cats may have more knowledge than we know they do, because we are their slaves.
In order to gain the most efficiency in solving this problem you must detect why the cat has chosen to vandalize your innocent carpet, table, chair, sofa, etc. In doing so, investigate the premises. First, check out the litter box. Is the litter box too dirty? Is it too clean? Ask yourself, why would you do it? Continuing the investigation, inspect the food situation. Did she eat something bad? Is she sick? Do not leave out any possibilities that it was not her intention. If you do find that she may have just done the deed out of sheer rudeness, this is where my method comes in handy.
I have had much success in what I like to call the “Self-Cleaning” method. You find your kitty; the suspect of the offense, find the poop; the offense, and point at it in front of her making sure you have her attention.
Next, up, to position your cat to the right angle in which it will be easy access for her paws to come together and pick up the piece of poo. I never pick up her poop for her if she meant to poop there. If she was sick, I would clean it up myself because I am an understanding and forgiving person.
Now, you must carry the cat while she holds the poo, to the nearest waste receptacle. After it has been disposed, you sit down and have a chat with the cat. Explain to her why you do not want her to poop on the floor. Tell her it is wrong. Show her the litter box, and maybe if you feel it may be more effective, place the poop inside the box instead of just throwing it right away. If you place the poop back where it belongs then of course, she will start to think that maybe this is where I need to put it and nowhere else.
Another thing to keep in mind is your cat may be unaware that she leaves poop in the wrong place. For instance, does the cat have long hair? Perhaps the poop sticks to the hair and comes off at a later point in which it finds itself to be on your carpet, this is common. To help with this situation, you may want to clip her hair short around her behind. If you need to clip her hair, do it while she is relaxed; maybe she could be sleeping in your lap.
As a cat owner, I have noticed a vast improvement in my cat’s disposal habits. If your cat does not improve her actions, and you made sure it was not because of the other reasons, then at least you will get a good laugh out of my “Self-Cleaning” method.

I am a freshman in college who is known for writing very serious essays I thought this would be good. and different.

Answer 1

this was hilarious to read this morning. thank you so much for the good laugh.

i'm not sure what grade you are in, but if you say your teacher is hard at giving good grades, you may want to check with the other kids before submitting. you may get an A for creativity, but he may not like the material.

as co-owner of a cat, she poops in the tub. i dont mind the tub, cause atleast it's in the right room, wrong ceramic area and wrong species. but you didnt address about peeing. ha ha ha.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!

Answer 2

Hi cassie,
For you to write this about your cat as an essay assignment shows you have good humor and could be lively and a refreshing read compared to other students. Well if you really do have a cat that poops on the rug a good way to solve this problem is just a pinch of catnip in the corner of the litterbox. The kitty will be automatically attracted and no coaching necessary.

Answer 3

Just a few notes...it starts off like a fourth grader wrote this as a how-to, seeing as they always start off with "first...", and the way it flows as you read it comes off as a how-to more than saying something about your expertise. Also, you should try to use another word other than "poop" or "poo" as it is very repetitive. Good luck, but just to let you know, most hard-knock prof's I had wouldn't have broke for an A over something like this.

Answer 4

It sounds like a good essay, but the first paragraph needs to be changed around a little, it doesn't flow with the rest of your essay, I would start with the beginning of your second paragraph as your opening sentence and build off of that, and the thesaurus works wonders for words that you have to re-use, it will give you different words that still have the same meaning.

Answer 5

Oh my gosh Cassie, that is such a good essay I think you will do very well on it. Parts were funny and still your learning from it. You made me feel like I was in school lol but it was a fun lesson lol.

Answer 6

Ummmm, not sure what to say. First off, how old are you? This is a pretty juvenile subject, so I hope this isn't a high school essay. Is this really something your teacher is looking for? All I can say is that I hope your teacher has a sense of humor. This is just silly.

Answer 7

im not sure if "poop" should be used. It makes it sound like a joke instead of an essay. Try feces or stool....

Answer 8

Now that's funny! I like it!

However, your teacher may not have the same sense of humor as you do... Just a thought!

Answer 9

If you don't get a good grade, you should at least get an A on creativity.

Answer 10

i dont see what is not to like about it. even for being a junior in college. sometimes ya gotta dance!! duh. poop does sound a llittle juvenile but it is better and more fun than feces or stool. i learned something out of it. i have three cats, i will have to try it.!!!! thanks!!!!