Ok - quick and dirty details . . married 5 years, with husband for total of 13 years - never had a problem with Mother in law until I had children. We have two. She just seems like she doesn't care about them. (she has 7 other grandchildren) But she never calls them to see how they are doing, never does anything special for them, when she does call us, she doesn't even ask about the kids. When she is around them, it's not like she's the grandmother, it's more like a casual acquaintance stopped by. She has never in four years, watched my children.
She is in the process of taking each grandchild out to dinner in their birthday month. My son turned 1 in December..she wants to take him out. Fine, I suggested they come and pick him up and take him some place simple. He is a very easy child. She told my husband that she didn't want to take him out alone, that he wasn't ready. So, now we all have to go ! Should I go ? Or just send my husband and children ?
2007-03-05 01:32:35 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
1. My 3 year old daughter probably won't go if I don't go.
2. I know it sounds nice that MIL is doing this for her grandchildren, but trust me, it's just so that she can meet her quota and get her time in with grandchildren.
3. I just don't like my MIL for how she treats my kids.
4. There is so much more history to all of this, but didn't want to bore anyone with all the details. So, don't think that I am just being stubborn with my MIL.
2007-03-05 01:34:38 · update #1
I think the key question is this: Is she like that with all of her 9 grandchildren or just yours? Some people just don't get along with kids very well and won't be very hands on as grandparents no matter what. If that's the case you have less of an issue than if she's singling out your kids for this treatment.
Either way, if she's trying to do something nice I think you should take her up on it. Personally if this is supposed to be a treat for each individual child, I'd send DH and the birthday son and keep everyone else at home.
2007-03-05 02:31:47 · answer #1 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, that is tough. I would just put it out there and say that the "birthday dinner" should be for just the grand child and if she feels uncomfortable taking him out to a restaurant then she could always do something simple at home for him and still make the time special. Including the family for this occasion is not appropriate and makes the "whos paying for what" awkward. If she does not like that idea then just let her know that this year is probably not a good year for him to do dinner with grandma, maybe when he gets older. What you will have to come to terms with is that you cannot change how she looks at being a grandparent, but you can let her know that she cannot just be a grandmother when she feels like it. It is not fair to the children at all. Good Luck to you, I hope that helpes a little. If not I am sure you will find your way into coping with her.
2007-03-05 01:46:14 · answer #2 · answered by Ladybug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just how some people are. My mom is the same way with me and my sisters children. But you know, it is my mom's loss. I have VERY fond memories of my granny that I cherish to this day. My sister and I's children will only have memories from their other grandma's (husband's side) because our mother won't make any with them. I cannot begin to understand why a grandma would not look forward to time with her grandchildren. I have many years until I am a grandma but already have plans of what I want to do with my grandchildren.
It is just an odd situation you and I live in. I would go to the dinner she wants to take your 1 year old to. At least she is trying and she may not feel like she is capable of watching a one year old alone.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 01:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where you are coming from I have the mother in law from all h***. But I have learned that no matter how much it bothers you it just is not worth getting upset over.It is better to deal with someone like that by being kind to them because if you respond to their immature behavior by having an attitude the only thing that will happen is it will all get twisted around like you are the problem.. Trust me I am speaking from experience. My MIL has done horrible things to me and has treated my children indifferently for the past 12 yrs. Go to dinner and kill with kindness so to speak respond to her with courtesy and so forth. I did that with my MIL and soon everyone saw just what type of person she was. I maintained my dignity by not stooping down to her level.. Its hard to sit there and bite your tongue but your few moments of glory that you would have from telling her off it is not worth the outcome and aftermath that will result from it.
2007-03-05 01:47:50 · answer #4 · answered by greeneyedredhead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a callerID and don't answer the phone. Best solution. I used to have one of those monster-in-laws. Get rid of the husband and the monster-in-laws went away. Voila! I don't know why do we have to have a mother out law. They are more trouble than worth it. What can you do if you can't deal with the in law? Some Christian are the phoniest people in the world.
2016-03-29 00:46:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my MIL without the wanting to take the kids out for their birthday. I would go so that my son would be more comfortable with the situation.
2007-03-05 02:01:23 · answer #6 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have troubles with the grands of my kids too...on both sides.
I would just go along for the sake of your kids for now. They are too young to start worrying about that kind of thing....and believe me they can tell! They know more that we give them credit for, even when you think you are being so careful....I've been there.
So, do this for now and when they get older, they will pick up on if there is any favoritism between the other grandkids. And you will not be the bad guy. Who knows, she might change by then.
2007-03-05 02:25:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar prob with my mil. I have a child from a previous relationship and in the beginning she was all nice to my son but once her son and i had a child she completely ignored my other son.So we made the decision to not deal with her.It was a good decision for us since between how she treated my son and myself we couldn't be around her. Good luck.
2007-03-05 01:53:53 · answer #8 · answered by hotmamainmi1982 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have this problem with my mom, we finally just put our foot down, if she will not treat them the same we do not allow them to go anywhere with her. if she wants to spend time with the kids she has to do it our way , it is working out better but it is still hard i feel like my kids are the ones being punished for something they did not do, but it makes mom spend time with each child and that is more important than anything else.
also, she has to come to our house to visit.
2007-03-05 01:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by tammiekae2002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm kind of in an opposite situation, my Mother- in -law is crazy about my daughter but wants nothing to do with me. My opinion is that you should protect your children, if she really doesn't care about them forget her. They will have a better life with two loving parents and no grandpaents than two loving parents and shady grandparents who will probably only end up hurting them. If you think you want your son to go with her I say send your husband and don't go yourself. I think it's important to make it clear how you feel and that you won't stand for it.
2007-03-05 08:40:24 · answer #10 · answered by Jennah C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋