My husband's nephew is getting married Friday. We were looking forward to visiting w/ his family all Friday nite @ the wedding & reception and the next morning before we left. However, I just found out children are not welcome at the wedding. We have a 2 yr old son. My husband says we would leave him w/ a babysitter. Although he attends daycare, I have never left him with a babysitter other than family. I am not comfortable leaving him w/ someone I do not know in a city that I am not familiar with. I offered to stay w/ my son at the hotel while my husband attended the wedding but he insists I go to the wedding if I go at all. I offered to stay home w/ our son while my husband went by himself. He insists that our son go (with or without me) because there will be family there who wants to see him. I understand but, they will only get to visit a few hrs on Sat. I think it's selfish to drag a 2 yr old on a 10 hr (round) trip so a few folks can see him for 2-3 hrs. He thinks I am selfish. ?
2007-03-05 01:28:25 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Guys - I have no problem with the bride not wanting kids at the wedding. That is not my worry. I have a problem taking my child on a 10 hr drive for a short visit and with leaving my child with a stranger in a strange town.
2007-03-05 01:58:14 · update #1
I would stand with you. If my kids are not welcome somewhere, then you had better not invite me either. My children have never had a babysitter in their lives, and I never had a babysitter all the time I was growing up. My father used to say that if he was going someplace that his kids couldn't go, then he probably shouldn't be there either. I think you should go on the trip, but you stay at the hotel with your son during the wedding. If they ask why, just tell them that you were uncomfortable leaving your son with someone that you didn't know. People are too quick to leave their children with just anybody and everybody these days.
2007-03-05 01:37:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 6⤋
It is the nephew's wedding and you should definitely respect the request for no children. However, that said your husband is being irresponsible to suggest a 'babysitter' in a strange city. Surely, there will be other family members there who will need to arrange child care so that you could leave your son with someone that is familiar to the family or perhaps a family teenager who is not too keen on going to such a formal affair? You should go and so should your son. So what if he is only exposed to the family for a few hours..they will remember and he won't. Leave the reception as soon as you can after the bride and groom arrive if you really can't leave your son for any longer. But you need to start letting go and make an effort to arrange for trusted sitters once you return home. It will be better for your son and your marriage. The main issue here seems to be your husband's 'insistence'.... sounds like he is feeling a little shut out of your attention. and trying to make a power play. ....something you both need to talk about.
2007-03-05 01:48:37 · answer #2 · answered by sw-in-gardener 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't feel comfortable doing it then I say don't! ... People will understand you not wanting to drag you young child on such a long trip to be placed w/ a stranger (babysitter) for the wedding... then be have a bunch of people all around him that he hardly sees so again could feel like more strangers to him. If you were going to be there a while and make it worth the visit then sure... but if it's only for a few hours I completely agree w/ you and it's totally not selfish it's smart!!! Put your foot down!! Either you stay at the hotel w/ your son OR you both stay home... that's not unreasonable! Those would be the choices I would give. Good luck!!
2007-03-05 02:25:45 · answer #3 · answered by second time around 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't leave my kids either but I think that maybe this isn't a fight worth fighting. It's very acceptable for the bride and groom to request a child free wedding (they tend to be a little disruptive and many venues request that children not attend) and since the family is so far away, I assume that they don't get to see your son often. This is not an event that is going to tramatize your child 9the 10 hour trip I mean) and even though you never leave him, and you'll probaly worry about him...you need a break to and an adult only celebration might prove to be wonderful.
Perhaps you can find out with other guest are doing with their children and request to perhaps arrange a co-babysitting situation. Or is there a teenager family member that isn't invited as well. At two years old (especially in a hotel where their is little to get into) a young teen (13 or so) is fully capatable of caring for him and I have found that these younger care-takers tend to spend MUCH more time on the floor playing with your little one and less time on the phone.
Good luck and try to just enjoy yourself without your little angel fr the evening!
2007-03-05 01:37:30 · answer #4 · answered by Amy B 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree...I would be uncomfortable leaving my kid with a babysitter that I didn't know. Maybe you could drive there, one of you go into the wedding and the other go to a restaurant or back to the hotel with your son until the wedding is over(it only lasts about 30 min. anyway, unless it's a Mass wedding). Then join everyone at the reception with your son, that way, you both get to socialize. I understand the bride not wanting children at the actual ceremony...they can be very disruptive. But the reception is going to be noisy anyway so I don't see why you couldn't bring him there. You might want to call and make sure that it's okay to bring him to the reception but I cannot imagine why you couldn't.
2007-03-05 02:09:02 · answer #5 · answered by emrobs 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I do not think you are selfish. I would not drive with my children for 10 hours so a few people can see him, it is not worth it if he can not go to the wedding. Is there someone in your family in the city you live in or a close friend?? I would leave your son with them, it will be for a night, and if you can leave your son at daycare I am sure you can leave him with a close friend or family member. It would give you and your husband a night a lone and to have some fun at the wedding.
2007-03-05 01:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would agree with Mystic. See if there are any teens who really don't wanna be at this wedding and rope them for staying home with your child. I completely understand both sides of your problem. I have a 20 month old who's never been babysat by anyone outside of the family either because I just don't trust complete strangers. I also have made stands like this with my hubby because I refuse to haul my daughter from NC to Delaware for a weekend visit. That's just stupid. And she'd freak and I'd be left to try to get her to be "social" while he played with his cousins and uncles and such. Another solution would be if any of your family with children also lives in the town you're going to perhaps they have an established list of babysitters that have proven trustworthy. You could ask to borrow a name of a good one or if your child could stay with theirs while at the wedding. I think your husband is being very unreasonable about the whole thing. Being a parent means sometimes you have to make a few little sacrifices.
2007-03-05 04:47:38 · answer #7 · answered by evilangelfaery919 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your husband. I think you're being selfish. If the family is close and it's important for you to attend his nephew's wedding, then you should attend. You could probably meet the babysitter the night before the wedding. Perhaps he/ she would be willing to play with your son for a couple hours while you visit with family. That way, you'll be more comfortable and he'll have someone to pay attention to just him. The wedding/ reception will only be a couple hours and you'll have a good time. So will your son. Good luck.
2007-03-05 03:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by Barbara B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If children are not allowed at the wedding usually they are allowed at the reception. If not it is a wedding on your husbands side of the family can you leave your son with some one on your side of the family?
There really are to many options I really think that you are just offended by the fact that they don't want children at the wedding.
I think you should go.
Your little one will be OK I know it is hard to be away from them and it is hard to understand why any one would not want your beautiful darling at a wedding but it probably has to do with seating.
They had to make decisions on who and how many people can attend. If they let people bring a two yr old they have to let them bring 10yr olds.
Good luck
2007-03-05 02:17:35 · answer #9 · answered by angie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Listen, unfortunately you answered your own question with your first statement. Children have been asked to remain exempt from the wedding...If it is a night wedding, it tends to be more formal and weddings are really not a place for 2 year old to be running amuck! I have three kids, and I am not anti kids, but there is a time for them and a time not for them. You will enjoy the wedding and be able to relax more if you are not chasing him, your husband is not being selfish, he is trying to uphold what the newlyweds have requested, yet he is proud of his offspring. However, if he insists on bringing him for the realtives to "see"...you need to "see" if you can bring a relative/friend of yours to stay at the hotel with your child during the wedding...I understand he would like the relatives to see your kid, however, maybe not the time or place. They are all there to celebrate the couple, not your two year old! Do not ruin a great time with this, you leave your child in daycare, so separation should not be an issue, maybe someone in the daycare can recommend a weekend "nanny" to go with for the trip, ten hours in a car is a lot for anyone...never mind a terrible two toddler! Good Luck
2007-03-05 01:46:47 · answer #10 · answered by yummi1128 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your nephew should have made that clear on the invitation so you would not be scrambling for a babysitter less than a week before the event. If they are getting married in a church, maybe someone could stay in the nursery with the children under 5 that would have to attend. I had a teen friend of the family keep the nursery for my nieces and nephews that were too young to be inside the church alone.
2007-03-05 01:39:03 · answer #11 · answered by Colette B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋