birth parents?

Question

My birth parents did not raise me and I was never adopted. I was raised by my birth moms sister. My birth mom has never been close and made about a dozen contacts with me from 9yrs to 39yrs. She is now ill with some health problems. My Aunt (the sister to my b-mom who raised me) plays on emotions to control my behavior. Had to learn that in therapy. In late 05 I thought my b-mom was going to die so I visited her, too say goodbye and give forgiveness. She didn't die and calls crying all the time about how things are (shes's lonely and left 3 other kids who are adults and none of us speak to each other) and what she should have done different. I am torn as to have a relationship with her, which is very difficult for me or to cut the strings. It is a one sided relationship where we talk only about her life, not my issues or her biological grandchildren and my family. Does anyone have similar issues out there? The emotional roller coaster has taken its toll, any advice?

Answer 1

I gave up a child myself for adoption and I knew one day we would meet again. As I was very young and couldnt take care of myself.
We did meet and I understand she has a wonderful mother and I love spending time with her and her family. Her mother who is now in very bad health as even told her daughter she is glad Im there incase something happens to her and she would not be without a mother.
I had a child and a wonderful woman raised her and she has done a right fine job of it. My respect for this woman is above any thing . I went on to marry and I have 3 children of my own. Whom she adores and they all keep in contact with.
Im glad that you gave forgiveness because you will have a life better than you ever would have by this act. Dont let it be an emotional roller coaster dont fall for the, "what if" syndrome. She most likely has always been a self centered person thats the reason she is by her self now. I would suggest getting to know your other siblings and if at all possible become involved in their lives. If not forgive them as well and start living a life fitting for your self. Ask yourself this question for me if you took your mother and disassociated yourself from any involvement and she lived across the street would you socialized with her? If not then you know what to do. Time to get off that rollercoaster and God Bless You.

Answer 2

sounds to me like your bilogical mother is selfish.it's all about me me me with her, don't feel sorry for her she made her bed now she has to lay in it.. just speak up now for you own peace of mind and tell her how it is and going to be from now on.. tell her if she can't call to talk to you about something besides herself don't call. please contact all your siblings and ask to meet and have dinner and just talk. life is to short not to. i believe if you do it will help you more than you know. your children should know who the aunts and uncles and cousins are.. good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

Don't fall into her trap. Do what makes you happy. If it pleases you to speak to her, then do so. If you cannot handle speaking to her, then simply don't. Guilt is only guilt if you let things bother you. Know that you are doing what you need to do to make your life as pleasant and peaceful as it can be.

Answer 4

it sounds to me like she needs a friend, and she doesnt have any because of her past behaviors... i say if this toxic relationship is hurting you, then you should not talk to her...