I have been "invited" to a funeral. It's not a family member. It's the wife of a long standing friend. I find funerals to be very upsetting. I cannot handle the grief and tears.
2007-03-05 00:11:28 · 36 answers · asked by David F 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Then just tell them the truth. Tell them what you said in your question, that you find it too upetting and you would prefer to grieve and say farewell on your own. But that you wish them well for the day and will be sending them thoughts.
2007-03-05 00:14:44 · answer #1 · answered by NEIL B 2 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I don't think that you can refuse politely. Nobody likes funerals, everyone has to go to them 'though. Of course there will be grief and tears but I think that, if I were your friend, I'd consider your refusal to attend my wife's funeral sodding-well ignorant. Don't be so bloody selfish - he's lost his wife and you're more concerned with how you're going to feel at her funeral!
2007-03-05 03:31:27 · answer #2 · answered by sallybowles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have been friends for a long time, I would think you would want to be there to show support in this very tough time your friend is going through. If you find all the grief and tears upsetting imagine how he feels!!!! If you don't go at least send a sympathy card and flowers.
2007-03-05 01:18:41 · answer #3 · answered by Angela C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People go to funerals to support those who are grieving. Funerals are upsetting to all. Because it is the wife of a long-standing friend, you have to be there.
2007-03-05 02:33:19 · answer #4 · answered by Laura H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You simply state that you are not one to attend funerals. That perhaps you can attend after the funeral, send flowers and a card. Some people do not attend funerals. I being one of those people. I only attend funerals of those who really have touched my heart and I attend for my own need of closure. I do not attend funerals of casual friends, long standing friends family members, etc. They are simply too upsetting. God bless****
2007-03-05 00:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sorry, i know funerals are awful and sad, but you have to go, its one of those things...and by the way i know how you feel and contrary to what the others seem to be saying, i dont think you are being selfish at all. i wouldnt go probably...i didnt go to a friends funeral, he had cancer, and i went to visit him throughout his illness, on the day of his funeral i couldnt face it and i didnt feel guilty . i was there when he knew i was there, and i was of help to him, most of the people at the funeral hadnt seen him since school. i had seen him just a few days before. we should do what we can when people are still alive.
dont let people judge you -
2007-03-05 23:01:20 · answer #6 · answered by ravey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would write a letter (from the heart) offering your condolances and explaining how you feel. Offer your ongoing support. Everyone turns up at funerals but the real friends are those that are around afterwards. Many people find that friends avoid them when they are bereaved so that will be when you can come into your own.
2007-03-05 01:03:19 · answer #7 · answered by LillyB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To have someone specifically ask you to go to a funeral means that they REALLY want you to go. If you don't go, because YOU can't stand that someone ELSE lost a loved one... well.. I would say you will be losing a loved one too, or at least a long standing friend. Besides most people manage to refrain from caterwauling through services... buck up and go.. you won't regret it!
2007-03-05 20:48:54 · answer #8 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would gently explain and be there for my friend otherwise, EXCEPT if the friend is not going to have any other supportive person.
In that case, I would bite the sour apple and somehow make myself go.
I had to do that with my mate's grandfather. At 86 he had been a friend to all of us younger people. I could not have lived with myself had I not gone.
So, best of luck to you and your friend. I know funerals stink to high glory for some of us.
--That Cheeky Lad
2007-03-05 03:43:11 · answer #9 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your friend is in need of the support of his friends and family.You would not be there for your own self, you would attend out of the need to console and support an old friend. People's grief and tears can make a person uncomfortable. Especially if they don't know what to say or do. I find that telling people, that I know, of nothing I can say; to make them feel better, but, if there is anything I can do to help, I'll be there...They understand I'm there to support them, and that's all they really want. Be brave, put aside your discomfort and go support your friend.
2007-03-05 00:22:24 · answer #10 · answered by Rhea B 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow! I just read all of the answers here and I can't believe how many selfish people there are. I feel the same way about funerals but if my friend specifically asked me to be there then I would be, for them. He obviously feels that he needs you so be the friend that he needs. It's only a few hours out of your day and what's a few hours for a friend?
2007-03-05 01:24:50 · answer #11 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋