I am getting married & have just announced a date. My partner & I only want our siblings to be in the bridal party, he has 2 brothers, I have two sisters.
I have a friend who I have known for 14 years & she was expecting to be a bridesmaid. The other night we were having drinks & she burst into tears & cried until I gave in & said yes.
This has caused a number of problems as we dont want three bridesmaids, it will cost us more money & my partner doesnt want to have to choose between his mates who else is in the bridal party, nor do I want to upset my other friends by not choosing them.
How do I tell my friend I cant do it for her for the reasons above after I caved in the other night...while I was drinking?
My partner & I dont want to upset her but we just dont want an extra person. This woman is a lovely person & a good friend so we just dont know how to tell her.
Please help!! Any suggestions would be so very much appreciated.
2007-03-05 00:05:26 · 13 answers · asked by Boo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
nanny, you have no idea, get a clue hey. jeezz!
2007-03-05 00:12:28 · update #1
i only want some advice not stupid comments.
2007-03-05 00:15:56 · update #2
Wow, that was really wrong of her. She could have come to you maturely and spoken to you about how she is feeling thus letting you speak maturely as well and it would have been a conversation, not an ambush. Its unfortunate, but you will have to speak to her, and without alcohol involved. Just tell her that the other night things were said by both of you and that unfortunately you were so affected by her crying that you gave in to a request that you had ni right to give in to. You and your fiance have spoken and agreed and it was unfair of you to make a change to your wedding without speaking to him first and oking it. You and your fiance have agreed that it will just be your siblings in your wedding party and that you are very sorry her feelings are hurt, but this is the way its going to be.
A tip:Dont apologize for her not being in the party, it will make it seem that you would like her to be but that your fiance isnt letting you and she will not let up. You have to make this a united front thing between you and your fiance, dont hang him out to dry.
Good luck.
2007-03-05 00:21:25 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with some others on this answer, where you can give her another role in the wedding. She can be in charge of the guest book, or act as your wedding coordinator in a way. You can go to her for ideas and she can help with the decorating.
Invite her to the shower and bachelorette parties. This way she still reaps the benefits of spending time with you and have a place in your wedding, yet you still have the bridesmaids you wanted in the first place. You can take her dress shopping with you so she can be a part of that, along with having her get a dress that maybe isn't exactly like your bridesmaids, but a little more casual and the same color.
Just throwing these ideas out there. I hope they help you with your situation, which is a really tough one. I would just explain to her that you and your fiance really had a vision with the wedding and the bridesmaids and such, but you still want her to have a special part on your special day. Good Luck!
2007-03-05 20:18:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What I would do if I were you would be to find an alternate role for her in the wedding. How about making her an honored guest or a wedding attendant at your wedding? You could find something for her to do. She could......roll out the aisle runner at the church if you're having one.........light any candles at the ceremony if you're having any.......be like a personal attendant for you during the day, helping you get ready and such and just being someone who can help you with last minute stuff on your big day. If you could find SOMETHING to make her a part of your day and then make mention of her and her role in your wedding program I think it could make for a happy medium. If you have a role for her, then just explain that you and your future husband have agreed to keep the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen to just two, but would like her to be a part of your day by ----------.
This is a tough situation!! Good luck!
2007-03-05 08:24:05 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just sit down with your friend and tell her something like "Joe and I agreed that we would only have our siblings in our wedding. It was wrong of me to ask you, when we had already decided on it, and I feel terrible about it. You've been a really good friend to me, and I'd like you to be a part of my wedding. Would you do a bible reading during the ceremony?" Your friend may not take it too well, but your fiance has to come first. She will get over it. Good luck.
2007-03-05 12:24:23 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think you're stuck. She was rude to throw a hissy fit & play the sad, crying card, but you caved. Pick another groomsman, explain that she will be responsible for the cost of everything involved. That way, it doesn't cost you anything extra. Saying yes, even under distress & the influence, is still saying yes in this situation & I don't think you can tell her no now & without causing a rift in the friendship.
2007-03-05 13:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, looks like you are going to have to explain to her what you just typed, or it might be easier to put it into letter form and give it to her. If she is halfway reasonable, at all, she will understand.
If the two of you were drinking the other night, then maybe she was affected by the alcohol, too....thus the begging and crying.
It ya can't say it, write it! Explain about the groomsmen and the added expense that you can't afford. She needs to be understanding. It is what a friend does. If she can't be....then who needs her? That is HER problem. Not yours.
2007-03-05 08:18:26 · answer #6 · answered by treefrog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would come out and be honest with her like yo uwere with us. tell her that you only want family in the wedding party. if she is your friend she would understand. how immature of her to act like that. I left out a ton of friends in my wedding and only had a maid of honour. my friends were still happy for me and came the the wedding and everything. tell her your sorry you said she could be but you didnt know what else to do because of the way she reacted and that even though she is your friend, she needs to respect your wishes. dont let her ruin your day and dont cave because of her or you'll end up resenting her in the end. also, dont give her another "special" job for the wedding. you shoudnt need to accomodate your friend in this way. she should respect your wishes.
2007-03-05 09:33:24 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her again and let her know what you and your partner want. To soften the blow you may want to think about giving her a job on the day - saying a poem, handing out booklets, etc, Remember it is your special day and you need to be comfortable with all the arrangements. Good luck.
2007-03-05 08:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by mackee03 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look if she's your friend, and you say it like you just did, she'll understand. If she doesn't get it that way, stand up and be the one in charge. YOU are the bride. YOU are the one this is for. It's YOUR day. Plus, it just sounds like she's using you to get what she wants.
2007-03-05 08:12:14 · answer #9 · answered by FunnyGuy216 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you only want your relatives in your party, then that's how it should be. She could always do something else in the wedding or for your wedding.
2007-03-05 13:20:21 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋