I need good, solid, valid reasons why it's a bad idea for my 19 yr old step-daughter to move in with her 24 yr old boyfriend. She's away at college and met this yahoo of a guy whom her mother and I really don't care for. I realize she's 19 and can make her own decisions, and I'll just have to live it, but please help me come up with some really good, decision swaying reasons why she should not do this. Also reasons why the 5 yr gap in their ages is not a good thing either. I'm really trying to help her from making really stupid life mistakes, and I really need some ammo to drive the point home. I have my reasons, but they don't seem to hold any weight.
Any and all answers considered. Can you please please help me?
2007-03-05 00:02:50 · 10 answers · asked by Jim C 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Well, she is of age, but of age to make the right decisions for herself is a different story.
In this Dad, I would have to say, that she would have to live and learn. You can not hold her back, because in return she will rebel against you and Mom and do what she chooses.
Just love and let her know that you and Mom do not agree with this, and that you and Mom do not like or trust this man, but that you and Mom still Love her.
Some things in life we have to learn on our own and cannot be told anything because we think we know it all.
As far as the age gap, 5yrs is not a problem(I know you really do not want to hear this you need ammo) but this is not the issue. His Character is and his actions alone are.
God Bless and you and Mom keep your heads up, maybe she may see the light or maybe he may change.
2007-03-05 00:14:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why not?
People usually argue about the age gap when talking about older women, saying that women mature faster than men, and so a younger guy would be less mature, but what's wrong with the age gap in this situation? If she were fourty and he were fourty-five would you care?
Perhaps the best thing to do would be to explain to her your reasons and then leave it at that. If you try to dissuade her any more than that, she'll be rightly angered and you may make the situation worse.
Almost no-one ends up liking the fact that their children date at all, let alone the people they date, but you've got to keep in mind that it's their choice, whether a matter of good judgement or not. The fact that she lives with someone doesn't mean that she'll end up marrying him either, so why worry?
Also, Skion36, telling her that would be an abuse of influence, and an outright lie.
Nowhere in the bible does it say such a thing. If you disagree with someone's viewpoint, be honest about it and don't blame God or Jesus.
2007-03-05 00:14:57 · answer #2 · answered by Vincent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't attack the boy, his age or her love for him. You'll make her mad and she will stop listening to you. I'd say one reason she shouldn't move in with him is because she will be throwing away her college life experience. You said that she's away at college, I'm assuming that means she's living on campus. Show her the graduation statistics of students who move off campus vs those who continue to live on campus. That in itself is compelling. But you have to do it in an "I love you and only want what's best for you and your future" mode. Try to keep in mind that this is probably all new to her. She might be feeling a little isolated about living on her own for the first time and the boyfriend's offer is appealing because it will allow her that comfort level she experienced while living at home. Offer her other options. Bring her home on the weekends more often, visit her more often, send more care packages. Whatever it is she needs to make her happy where she is.... make sure that's what she is getting from you.
2007-03-05 00:28:55 · answer #3 · answered by apples_ll_apples 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most relationships that start as live-ins don't wind up being married for life. After all, why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?
Also, she jeopardizes her college learning. I'd tell her that this time period of college life is so fundamentally important to making her an independent woman, that she shouldn't risk it for the love of a man. If he truly loves her, he will wait until she's finished her learning before claiming her as his own.
2007-03-05 00:14:58 · answer #4 · answered by arewethereyet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing. If you are paying for her college STOP! You only get my money when you follow my rules. You want to act like an adult then you get all the adult responsibility.
Show her the statistics (not sure were to find them) that a greater percentage of people that live together before marriage get divorced.
2007-03-05 00:18:35 · answer #5 · answered by Craig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well she is 19 first of all.. and if she chooses a guy older. that is her decision, i believe the more you interfere, the deeper you might drive a wedge between you all.let her learn from her mistakes, isnt experience the best teacher, even if it is harsh reality sometimes..cross your fingers and say a little prayer .
2007-03-05 00:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by wongfiehung2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Statistics show that people who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce and abuse.
And of course, pray for her.
2007-03-05 00:46:17 · answer #7 · answered by Laura H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At that age, children cannot be controlled, so don't try to.
Give a recommendation, and wish her the best.
Bonus: If shes all religious, tell her baby jesus doesn't want her to move in with the boyfriend.
2007-03-05 00:07:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
The only thing you can do and retain her respect for you is to make sure she knows if things fall apart for her y'all will be there for her.
2007-03-05 00:12:36 · answer #9 · answered by Terry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
5 years gape is normal.
2007-03-05 00:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋