I found a message on his phone, just him asking her to a concert by a band she loves as he had tickets. He has had coffee with her twice and emailed and texted her. She is from a long time ago, they were engaged and he says she is no threat to me that he considers me and him to be a serious relationship. I cant help but worry and feel kinda jealous to, what do you think? Do I have cause for concern? Hes older than me, and i know hes had other people in his past im just not sure that the present is the place for an ex, unless children are involved. It hurts....
2007-03-04 21:39:49 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes he knows that I know, the girl brushed him off with a no. I think an ex is an ex and thats the way they should stay....
2007-03-04 21:50:11 · update #1
Thanks everyone! Sometimes you just need to hear that the way you feel isnt unique xx
2007-03-04 22:25:24 · update #2
Hm, I think you should not worry about him seeing his ex, but I find his attitude not okay.
It is a matter of respect for you that he should either ask YOU out to go to this event, or at least BOTH of you. If he and her are just friends and she knows that you exist, I don't see an issue.
It would be interesting to know if she knows about you or if he keep you as a secret. If this is the case, I would be worried.
Suggestion:
Tell him that you are upset because you feel you had deserved the respect of being asked first. Ask him how he would feel if you asked your ex out without discussing it with him.
If he is bright and cares for you, he will apologise and understand (which, I think is the only acceptable reaction).
If he does not see the point, ask him how he defines commitment and tell him clearly what you expect.
Only if you give him a clear idea of your expectations, he can "behave" and if he still decides not to, then you should start evaluating your relationship with him.
2007-03-09 20:57:06 · answer #1 · answered by Eugene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt be worried but you should get rid of him. He should be taking you to a concert not his EXXXXXXXX! Just for argument sake if you were married to him would he still take her to the concert? He shouldnt even be speaking to her. He may not be cheating but he is not serious about you even if he says he is. Girls do the same thing they keep guys as friends just in case their relationship doesnt work out or if they get into a fight they have someone to fall back to. I'm sorry to tell you.....break up with him but not for him seeing his EX instead just say "look I'm not really feeling this relationship anymore, and I've decided to move on" then smile and move on. He is not worth it, even if he stops talking to his EX he may be seeing other girls as "friends" too. DONT BE HURT OR JEALOUS, BE HAPPY YOU FOUND OUT NOW SINCE LATER IT WILL HURT. You dont deserve someone like him there are 10 billion guys out there that will only want you and only you.
2007-03-04 21:51:57 · answer #2 · answered by Butter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time for a frank talk. Why is he taking her to the concert without you? Why is he emailing and texting her? Are these the only meetings hes had with her or the only ones you know about? If he brushes you off, dump him, he is cheating on you. If he is willing to talk and take you along with him to meet this ex, give it a go. He has nothing to hide and you will soon see if she is trying to reconnect. If she is happy to met you and includes you in the conversation, it could just be that they now have struck up a friendship. If not then put her straight and tell him. If he believes her and not you, dump him. He should be considering your feelings not hers.
2007-03-09 13:15:51 · answer #3 · answered by ELIZABETH M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think sometimes exes get in touch out of curiosity to find out what theyre doing etc but then that should be the end of it.For him to be asking her out to a concert Im sorry but thats just not right!!
Whenever 2 people have got history theres always that chance that that little flame is still burning somewhere!
You should tell him that you dont mind that hes on good terms with her but he cant carry on any kind of friendship or relationship with her because he wouldnt like it the other way round.It sounds like hes still got feelings for his ex? I know it really hurts but you will deffinately have to say goodbye unless he curbs it and says goodbye to his ex.
It doesnt matter that hes older than you,he knows the rules!!!
2007-03-04 21:56:28 · answer #4 · answered by Lorraine D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, don't pressure him and start acting crazy jealous. This will make him pull away from you and could turn something plutonic into something more than that.
Talk to him about your insecurities though and confide in him that this is a worry of yours, and tell him that although you feel slightly jealous over his attention of her that you are trying to deal with it in a sensible way. (he will be happier to know you don't flip out when you get jealous.)
Maybe you should also try to take him out more if you get the chance. This way you can enjoy each others company and he may have less excuses to meet with other people.
Oh and don't mention you found her message on his phone, he may not take kindly to being spied upon.
2007-03-04 21:48:02 · answer #5 · answered by harry_the_monk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/2hOwa
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-22 01:06:21 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On of my ex-girlfriends is my best friend, and one of the conditions for any subsequent girlfriends I've been out with is that they're not to get jealous/sniffy/bitchy about it.
I can see why you'd be worried, but feelings do fade and change so unless there's something really dodgy going on (and trust me, you'd *know* it if there was) I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Most guys can't stand jealousy or insecurity in a woman, so for crying out loud don't dig yourself into a hole over this!!
It can be tough, just make yourself 'bigger' than your worries.
Best wishes and good luck,
2007-03-08 23:49:52 · answer #7 · answered by dogsolitude_uk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right, ex's don have a place other than in the past.
If he is genuine and it happens again, suggest all going out together....if neither have any intentions other than friendship this souldn't be a problem (might be a grit your teeth and bare it situation but worth it i think). If that doesn't go down to well then catagorically ban him from seeing her, be nice but firm. Otherwise the same situation could occur in the future & you will have to go through it all again !
Men !!
2007-03-04 22:15:22 · answer #8 · answered by suzairspliff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
difficult, my brother speaks to many of his exes but i cant say that he takes them for drinks or purposly rings them let alone takes them to a concert. why the hell isnt he taking u to a concert of a band that u like.If he saw them out he would say hello maybe a quick drink if they were already in a pub, if you feel so insecure and concerned tell him that u dnt wish him to see her so much if he truly loves u he should really agree and put u first like u say there are no kids involved, so really i cant see any reason for him to see her so much take care and i hope we have all been some help
2007-03-08 21:12:49 · answer #9 · answered by kaye j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your looking at he's phone,you obviously don't trust him.She may
have contacted him about the concert.They may have become good friends since the split.I know because this happened to me once.I and my then girl decided to split and stay friends.We would
meet for a drink whenever.and talk.A girl i got involved with couldn't handle it.She was always looking into my private things and following
me.Naturally i dumped her.I still see my ex (who's boyfriend is ok
about it)You say he is older than you.Maybe your showing just how much younger you are than him.
2007-03-04 21:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by Butt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋