I have been dating this guy for a while. He is Korean. I am not. He treats me very well. Even my family and friends agree that he makes me happy. However, my mother is not keen on the relationship. She is worried I will emigrate to Korea one day which is most probably going to happen. She is scared of losing me. My mother is also concerned about culture clashes because she knows my man would prefer I stay at home when we marry but I have worked since graduation. My mother always welcomes him when he visits but I know she has lost of doubts. How do I put her mind at rest?
2007-03-04 21:35:27 · 22 answers · asked by Cassidy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for the advice so far. My mum is not racist. We are all part of one race-the human race. She taught me that.
2007-03-04 21:43:04 · update #1
To answer some questions, I am British. I work as a teacher and I was planning to teach English in other countries.
2007-03-04 23:12:59 · update #2
So what nationallity are you? and in any case, listen to your mother. How long is `Quite a while`? if it is only a few months, forget it, you cannot make a decision that will affect the rest of your life after only a short time. ABOVE ALL check out the culture first. It might well clash with your own. As for `My man would prefer I stay at home` read, I will have no choice once I am away from my own country. And finally what has been the point of graduating if you are going to another country, to stay at home?
2007-03-04 22:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by Spanner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to show your mum that Korean guy is going to let you work once you are married as in Korea the man is the boss and if he says you stay home then you will have no choice but to stay home.
She is also worrying about how you would cope living in a different country under different traditions and what would happen to any children you had if he decided to leave you. I think in Korea the children stay with the father & you have no rights at all.
I don't think you have properly thought through all the bad bits of a future with this guy who would be in control of your every move & your entire life & even your kids lives as you have no rights at all even in your kids.
2007-03-04 21:44:02 · answer #2 · answered by madamspud 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I went through a similar situation with my relationship. We met in Greece when I was on holiday, he is Greek and I am British. When his parents found out they were furious, they wanted their son to be with a Greek girl and not a foreigner, not because they were racist but because they were terrified of losing their son, that he would move away and leave them. They also had concerns about the cultural differences, but over time they realised that they could not split us up, they really tried though!!! I moved to Greece as I had less to lose than my man.
We are married now and have our first baby on the way, I must say though, if you are planning on staying with your man, think very carefully about going to Korea, try to stay where you are, it;s not easy leaving the country where you grew up and your family and friends.
I hope it works out, good luck
2007-03-04 21:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by Nickynackynoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could be just the right person to answer...
I am Italian and I am married to an Australian woman...
My mother was so against our relationship it's not funny...she also was afraid I would move to Australia...plus the whole thing on how the Italian culture says that we should only marry another Italian person!!
Anyway...I ignored her for a couple of years until she realized that 'maybe'...I have the right to choose who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and where...
Now after 6 years we have been together...my wife and my mother love each other like 2 sisters...
And we ARE moving to Australia very soon...(we live in the UK now)...
Bottom line is...it's your life and you make the choices...
those who really love you should respect that!!!!!!
2007-03-04 21:46:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mum on a one to one basis.Tell her that you understand she wants the best for you and doesnt want you to get hurt but you truly feel that this guy is the one for you.There are no guarentees in life that you make the right decision but you need to do what you feel is right and if things didnt work out hopefully that you know you,ve got a fantastic mother who you can go to.Reassure her that you wont lose touch with her whatever happens and that again where your future career is in question that you will make that decision at the time.Tell her you want her to be as happy as you feel!!
You,ll never fully put her mind at rest! Shes your mother and its her job to want to protect you...shes no doubt done it all your life
2007-03-04 21:45:19 · answer #5 · answered by Lorraine D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mum will have to realise that just because she gave birth to you does not mean you have to live with her or near her all your life. You have a right to your own life and even if you do emigrate then you can keep in touch by phone, e mails and video net. With modern technology Korea is not that far away.
2007-03-04 23:56:27 · answer #6 · answered by Closed Down 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is right and wrong. She is correct about culture clashes, but wrong about her reaction to your relationship. If the guy is your soulmate, she should be happy for you and welcome the opportunity to learn about his culture and country. She is also fretting about losing you-'empty nest syndrome', if you are an only child. Inform her, your happiness should be her primary concern and you appreciate her worries about you, but overdone.
I had a situation, in part, where I lost a female in my OWN heritage and it's my understanding when she informed both parents of me, they freaked and ended it swiftly in the bud by putting it into a 'mental shredder'. I'm saddened by their conceptions, depressed by my loss and have not recovered from it. Hope my perspective helps.
2007-03-04 23:35:51 · answer #7 · answered by roses2500 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just listen to your heart! What do you want? Are you really ready to change your way of life for him? If it makes you happy, then go for it! I was totally in love with a guy from a different culture and he wanted me to do everything his way, I could not accept it cuz I was a different person, so we are not together anymore! I still love him thou, but we are seperate, it is better than fighting all the time. Sometimes u can save your LOVE by leaving a loved one!
2007-03-04 21:48:03 · answer #8 · answered by All I want is to be LOVED! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that he makes you happy. Tell her that even if you move far away you can always talk on the phone and write emails and letters. You can even visit each other.
Do what makes you happy. Be true to yourself and have no regrets. You cannot live your life for your mother. If she cannot accept your choice, then that is her loss.
2007-03-04 21:42:21 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well one thing is for sure, don't let him cook, that cabbage stuff is awfull. You will never put her mind at rest because of her fears of losing you and any future grandchildren. She could also be a racist old cow ?, in which case you have no hope. Marry him, be happy and get on with your lives
2007-03-04 21:39:59 · answer #10 · answered by david g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋