Have not been in touch with daughter until now
for nineteen years she is very nice just need some advice on
how to handle this carefully so we can maintain some relationship
i am an ex addcit who has been clear for 16yrs
the mother has always shunned me and put poison
with in the familly
2007-03-04 20:41:59 · 10 answers · asked by DEAN R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Slow and easy. Good luck
2007-03-04 20:44:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would do is email her. Developing an online relationship will ensure her of her privacy and allow alot of the anxiety and anger to be aired on the air waves. Rather then in person and probably depress you if it doesnt start off like a Hallmark card. Its sad that you didnt contact her since you have been clean for most of her life. But you can start by saying there is no excuse for you not trying to be in her life when you got cleaned up but that you want to have her forgiveness from her. You need this, and you want to play any role that she will allow you to be with her. Tell her it will take time. Tell her you are sorry and you have learned from your mistakes. Go slowly and expect pain as she had to have experienced it for years not knowing why you didnt contact her. All the best. Patience and let go of your own ego while she lets go of her anger and her pain. She is allowed and expected to be angry at you. Suck it up and let something good rise up from the pain. Good luck.
2007-03-05 07:16:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
does she want to know you? try explaing how you have felt all these years about the whole thing and try to understand or at least respect your exs side out of concern for your child and great for you being clean all these years keep it up you can't change the past or even make up for the lost years but you can be there now for her in whatever way she wants it to be. but it will yake time and patience for all of you. show her what a good man you are now and will continue to be may god be with you both some people never a second chance so many kids have no dads at all now days for whatever reason death by wars; killings or even prison or they just don't give a dam and leave and don't look back
2007-03-05 04:52:19 · answer #3 · answered by alice k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take any firm stances on issues;remember there are ALWAYS two sides to every story even if neither is entirely true.
Be prepared for the unexpected;she will have a lot of things which you may not anticipate so just run with it the best you can.
Accept everything;if her mother has been feeding her lies then just accept that and don't push the truth. She will search for it in her own time.
2007-03-05 04:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It dosn't matter what the mother did. It is how your daughter feels now. Talk to her and tell her how you truly feel. I have had my dad my whole life. Just somtimes I wish he would open up more and talk to me. Talk about anything with her. Ask her about her and just be there for her. She is your daughter. Tell her the truth about everything even if you think it might hurt her she will have more respect for you then you might think. Good luck and god bless congrats. on being clean. my mother is going threw it right now she has been clean for 1 and a half months.
2007-03-05 04:46:32 · answer #5 · answered by confusedinhawaii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try having time with your daughter, go out at the park, mall, beach etc. then buy what she wants, do activities together and surely in the end of that day you'll be closer with each other. You see, relationship develops when you're happy together. Just keep this up, you can also try cooking for her, if you're good in cooking.
2007-03-05 04:48:13 · answer #6 · answered by Yej 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough question but I guess that if you show sincerity and care towards the family and daughter you should be able to get their trust and respect again. It certainly will take alot of time. So be patient and don't push it. Let them accept you gradually. But remember, you must show you care and sincere about everything and hope to make amends. Take care.
2007-03-05 04:46:21 · answer #7 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi dean,
its nice that you've cleaned up and its not right of the mother to affect everyone Else's judgment about you. you should defiantly get to know your daughter it was probably hard growing up without a dad so make up for lost time, i barely see my dad but he lives with his new family across the street....trust me you might not know her now but give it time and you'll find you have a special bond :).
2007-03-05 04:53:34 · answer #8 · answered by Lill lost dark angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prove to her what you're all about and that you have nothing to hide.
2007-03-05 08:01:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay hidden shes just scoping you out to see if you can be got for back child support
2007-03-05 04:44:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋