what can you do if you know people look and stare at you when you go out?

Question

i have borderline personality disorder, with great social anxiety as well. im waiting to get therapy. i have problems with inner rage and impulsivity. until i know how to deal with going outside, i only go out when i have to, like to pay bills, to get food, i feel very nervous when i know i got to go out. ive had alot of aggressive outbursts in the past thats got me in alot of confrontational situations. ive been attacked to by gangs. and my inner rage frightens me. the sensation of feeling out of control..im 29 and hopin therapy can help. i appreciate my thinking gets distorted and i get paranoid about people. however when i go out, i do notice people do look and sometimes strare at me, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, it can trigger my anxiety attacks to and feelings of disossociation. detachment. i also become jealous and angry at other people living their lives. when im going through all this. so when i go out, thats all around me. all this can trigger rage attacks. but what i

really wanna know is, how do you deal with people lookin at you? it makes me feel singled out, picked on, and different from everyone else, im so scared at getting into a rage when im out

Answer 1

It may be hard but look back and smile. Generally, this will either cause the other person to smile or look away in embarrassment.

Answer 2

I think you should feel good that people look at you.As human beings we are naturally curious to see what other people look like. People look at me all the time and sometimes I want them to when I'm wearing something nice or I've made a real effort with my slap! Your propbably reading to far into what the other person is thinking. They may be admiring your shoes or shirt,they may even think your the most gorgeous bloke they have ever seen! You need to think positive to get through tricky situations, perhaps take a few deep breaths before you leave home or if you start to feel worried when your out. The world isnt so scary when you stand up and take control. I understand that your temper may scare you but you shouldnt be jealous of other people living their lives as they may be in the same boat as you. And think if you were someone else...you wouldnt know the great people that you know you wouldnt be you and you wouldnt be unique.You need to learn to Love yourself and all your flaws because until you can come to terms with them others wont

P.S I hope you get sorted and back on track soon. Things can only get better!!!!

Answer 3

For what it's worth Thorne, I will not tell you a lie & I will not deliberately hurt you. You have a case of social phobia that I wouldn't call mild.
Because you are scared of people looking at you makes it a whole heap worse.
My father was a vietnam vet whom came back from the war in astraight jacket. He Tortured me in many ways. No-one can tell you to get over it & move on!!!!! I think you know that.
I am seeing a V VC for the 2nd time tomorrow- scary. I won't say on here what he did to make me feel so small & have the same phobia. Please contact me at My email adress & thats if you want to or can & I'll be sure to help all I can & maybe we can help each other? Also @ [e-mail]
All the Love & understanding in the world, Ladyeagle

Answer 4

Well done in seeking therapy, that will help you a lot.

In the mean time try not to avoid social situations exessively. I know you said you are only going out when you really need to but that is restricting your life and I don't believe illness should restrict you. Consider whether people really are staring at you, could you be so used to staring experiances in the past that you now expect to be stared at and look for that behaviour?

Try a few different coping mechanisms in the next few times you go out, how about trying to smile at people or saying hello like Magic said, then they might look at you in a positive way. Or you could listen to some music when you are out so your mind is on other things. Or you could consentrate on other things you see outside, like trees, nature and cars, not people around you.

Good luck with whatever you try and please don't listen to the negative postings on here. Those people just don't understand.

Answer 5

People are simple creatures ... they fear what they don't understand ...Maybe people do look at u i don't really know..... all i do know is that if u don't have much confidence and walk like a victim people will sense this and they will stare ... Hold your head up high and just go about your business as if u don't have a care in the world and like other people have said if people do look at u just smile and wish them a good day and just carry on ...
Remember as well that while is seems that other people have wonderful fulfilling lives that no actually we don't ... u don't know what goes on behind the closed doors of these people and also remember that we all have our crosses to bear ... Good Luck ...

Answer 6

When I returned from the Iraq I was suffering from PTSD and had to undergo Lengthy therapy, it is very hard to get over anxiety and paranoia.
It sounds like you have some major issues with in yourself and you really need to get some help.
In fairness people are NOT staring at you its all in your mind.
This is easy to say but you will come to a point in your life when you will understand that you are a normal person.

Answer 7

wow so sorry to hear this
my husband suffers slightly from this , and went through a few years there of not going out unless driven soemwhere and it is so hard
i too in the past used to worry about people looking at me
but then i got to thinking ... im not so different from them
everyone looks at everyone else for one reason or another
it may just be something you wear , it may be your hair ... maybe they even admire you and are jealous in some way of you
so i think it is about changing our perception of them
thinking hey i must be gorgeous if they are staring lol
yeah i know its probably not true ( with me anyway ) but even if we pretend for a time , just enough time to give us confidence
in time we wont worry so much why they stare
whatever happens
much love to you and i hope things improve for you
it really is a great world out there in amongst the rough

Answer 8

I have been a wheelchair user for most of my life and have people stare at me constantly. I found the easiest way to cope is to smile and say hello to them as it confuses them and makes them know you saw them staring without any need for confrontation. This may get easier after you get some help and advice from a professional but don't allow others to destroy your confidence when you find it.

Answer 9

I suffered from a great deal of social anxiety when I was in college. I saw a psychologist and told him I felt extremely uneasy just walking across campus to a class, because almost everyone was staring at me. He told me that people were staring at me because I was staring at them, to see if they were staring at me! I thought this was ludicrous, but bought a pair of reflective sunglasses, as he suggested. With the sunglasses on, I would stealthily watch people as they walked by me. Very few even glanced at me! He was right! The sunglasses cured me of that hang-up very quickly.

Answer 10

I'm sure you have a fab personality and when you find your blood boiling you should smile imagine the person staring at you is naked and that will put a smile on your face and because you feel happier, you'll seem happier and you will stop the anger it will take time but good luck babe xx

Answer 11

I agree with the smile answer but another thing to do is just not look at them. They may be thinking the exact same as you as in "why are they looking at me?" The more you and they are thinking that, the more you'll stare at each other trying to work it out.