how do i deal with a 11yrs old son who is hyper and always getting in trouble? please help?

Question

am a single parent

Answer 1

without knowing the full details of your situation, I can only give you some general guidelines.

1. Set clear guidelines and follow through in enforcing them
2. Behavior charts---concentrate on 1 specific behavior you want to change. For example, say he is spinning out of control when he gets mad. Sit down with him and teach him some good things to do when he is mad (ie, run, talk it out, etc). When he gets mad and he does something good, give him a velcro/magnetic checkmark. If he does something wrong, take one away. At the end of the day, if he gets X number of checkmarks, he gets a small reward (ie, 30 extra minutes of tv or 15 minutes extra staying up late, etc. I do not suggest food). If he gets less than X number, then he gets a privilege taken away.

Behavior using this method often gets worse temporarily because the child tests your will to follow through. If you stick with it, it tends to get better long-term.

3. Take away privileges and give rewards, even without the charts. Figure out what he really loves (video games) and use those.

4. I bet you are super busy being a single parent. He may need some extra attention. I suggest letting the dishes go for one night, or putting off a house chore for a day or two to prioritize quality time. Housework will always be there. Your kids won't.

5. Take some time for you. See if you can't find a relative or friend to watch him for just a little while if you don't have money, and focus on yourself. When you take care of yourself, you are more likely to take care of your kid(s). Or go/start a single parent support group. Along with the friendship, you may be able to form some kind of babysitting co-op.

6. Work with his teacher(s) and principle. Often, they have good insight on what needs to be done with kids, as they see them 8 hours per day.

7. If none of the above work, try therapy. A lot of places work on some kind of sliding fee scale if you can't afford it.

Good luck! There is hope!

Answer 2

Hi,

I'm not the world's best expert, and I know that raising children is a complex, confusing and frustrating problem. However I have raised my family and now have 13 grandchildren, (thankfully now past the 11 year old stage...)

To what I have learned, though, that may help...certain children do seem to have a reaction to eating or drinking the 'wrong' foods/drinks, in particular children who drink lots of sodas (Coke/Pepsi/Dr. Peppers, etc.) sometimes display hyperactivity. Chocolate consumtion, too, seems to affect the same children. This can be difficult to control, as these are foods/drinks that they all LIKE. (Now if the hyperactivity was caused by broccoli it would be no problem, would it?)

If your son drinks a lot of sodas, try (Yes, I know!) to wean him off them. Juices such as orange, apple, peach, grape etc., are all better for him, especially if you buy the ones that have no added sugar) even better would be to squeeze your own juice. (Maybe get your son to help, if he enjoys doing it, he may lose the desire for the less healthy options.

Chocolate is less easy to offer an alternative, but maybe baking (with your son) a selection of savoury (savory, if you are from the US) options may keep his interest and become a viable alternative diet for him.

Don't keep a refrigerator full of either chocolate or sodas, but keep whatever alternatives you decide on easy to get at and plentiful.

I realise you will be extra busy with having no partner to help raise your son, and there will be times you really will feel too tired to bother...but not bothering will worsen the hyperactivity (and which is worse?)

I realise this is not much to go on and may help only a little (or even not at all!) but I hope it does help, and that you and your son can relax around each other.

Doing things together is a great way to keep your son's mind occupied and the happier he is 'doing things' the less any boredon will attract his 'hyper' side.

Good luck anyway, you sound like you need it!

Cheers,

BobSpain

Answer 3

Your son is crying out for your attention, and clearly wants and needs time. A good way to open up barriers that present could be to talk about school, and/ or any hobbies. Kids are not hyper your son like millions of other people young and old have alot of energy and tend to get that way. I find new hobbies help with extra energy. Some ideas on a day off could be to have a game night one day at home, watch a movie. What helps children the most theat I work with is joining a youth group. Youth groups are at every church and have many age groups. So, you son can meet other kids his age and creat a bond. these are just some ideas. single parenting is very hard my hat off to you and your great work. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

first of all befor you think adhd get the facts.i believe it is just part of being a kid.i would never put my son on ritalin or any of those drugs. if you researc you will find that those drugs can cause some serius longterm health proublems later on in life.i have found that if you put your child in some sort of sport you can help him to use up a lot of his energy.but that is not the cure you need to spend time with him and find out what he realy ewnjoys and encourage that.not all kids are athletic.to drain that energy i suggest swim lessons.its good to know and trust me it will leave him realy tired afterwards.as far as getting in trouble keep the rules simple.the more you have the more to brake reward good behavior rather than going postall on the bad.but dont let him walk all over you be firm.i think my son changes his behavior more when he sees that i am disapointed in him more than when i yell or disapline him

Answer 5

Sounds like puberty...doesn't matter whether you are a single parent or not...where was the discipline when he was younger? Or are you the type of parent who allows her child to do whatever or to have whatever and then take things away rather than using positive behavior? I'm thinking this kid has a television, maybe game system, maybe even a computer in his bedroom? And of course he did nothing to acutally EARN any of it and time with these things isn't regulated, and he doesn't have to have permssion to use them. So now you have to "punish" him when he misbehaves. To tell you the truth I don't know how to deal with something like that because I didn't parent that way. From the start (when she was little) my daughter had certain rights...the right to a roof over her head, good wholesome, nutrtious food in her stomach, a warm, safe, secure place to sleep, clothes on her back and access to education. That was it. Her rights did NOT include television, videos, video games, computer, telephone, stereo, etc ,etc ,etc. We had a game system at home, we had videos, we had a television and we had a computer, ALL in the family room. When she behaved she got to spend an hour on computer, an hour with the television...there was no computer, television,game system etc in her bedroom. They didn't belong there. If she didn't behave she didn't get her privliges. No she wasn't a "perfect angel" Yes she went without many times. I don't negotiate. During her teens she had quite a mouth on her...She also missed out on going to the prom her Jr. year. She missed out on getting her driver's license at 16 (a privlege not a right) Ahhhh but she did get to go to the 30th year "reunion" of Woodstock and get backstage to meet the band KoRn(EARNED privlege), She got to see Alice Cooper in concert not just once but twice in the same month, spent time both times back stage with his then guitarist Ryan Roxie (that's why SHE went to the concert...I went to see Alice LOL) She blew it and missed seeing Aerosmith in concert...But did manage to earn seeing Les Miserables on Broadway. By the time she was 13 she figured out that earning priveliges outweighed loosing them...even though she did slip a few times. At 17 she was able to purchase he own computer and upon doing so I relented and allowed the computer to go into her room...after all she had worked to earn the money to pay for it. So you see I have nothing to offer...except I'd like to know who diagnosed him as being "hyper" or is that just something you threw on there because you simply can't handle him?

Answer 6

It's crucial that he has an outlet for not only energy, but also emotions. He's probably experiencing a vast amount of emotions that you haven't a clue about, and that's ok, it doesn't make you a bad parent, it just makes him a typical boy who's at a pubescent age! A majority of his behavior could very well just be because of that, and if so, unfortunately can't be changed. He's experiencing so many feelings right now that it's causing him to go haywire and the only way to get through it is with support from the ones who truly love him.

Find out what he enjoys and get him enrolled in some classes pertaining to his hobbies. Basketball, football, soccer, dance, music, art, karate, etc. ANY of these are great outlets for kids. It's very important to let him decide which avenue to take because if you deem any "unsuitable" for a boy his age, ie. art, dance, etc, then he will more than likely only rebel more.

Along with the extra activities, it's absolutely 110% crucial that you praise him for even the smallest of detail. Hyperactivity can be a catalyst for bad behavior and in hindsight, could be prevented! For every time you chastise him/his behavior, there should be 10 praises. I know first hand that it's also important to make sure your son understands that when you get upset with him over his behavior, that he be reminded that you're not mad at HIM but rather his BEHAVIOR. Indeed, there is a massive difference and even if you think an eleven-year-old can't understand that, I assure you, he can.

Now I wanted to wait until the end to mention this, but despite how many negative views there are out there about medicating children, I can attest to the fact that as a current 22 year old who never outgrew my ADHD like the majority of kids do, it's extremely difficult to overcome something when all we have around us is negativity. Part of being a good parent is seeking out all possible help, even if it means taking a simple medication. Have you had him tested? My parents refused to get me tested and in the process caused me to fail class after class after class; be kicked out of school, etc. Finally, when I was 13, they broke down and had me tested and sure enough, what I was going through had nothing to do with behavioral problems in itself, but rather a very real ADHD problem. It's in the brain, and this is exactly why you can't just solve the problem with simple "wives tales" methods. The moment my parents relinquished their uneducated assumptions and decided to be real parents, they sought help for me, and I cannot thank them enough. My grades and behavior sky rocketed not only to straight A's, but also allowed me to go on to be the head student representing my school and I won a $10,000 grant for my school.... all because my parents did whatever they had to do to ensure that I was able to help myself instead of ruin myself.

Keep an open line of communication with your son, support him in all things, even when you want to scream. Be loyal to him and reach out as far as you need to.

I wish you the very, very best for you and your son! And one final note, just keep in mind that the majority of "wild kids" end up in adulthood perfectly normal, despite how their childhood behavior was. It makes us parents want to scream, but in the end, it does fix itself!

Answer 7

Hi Terry, I have a 5 year old grandson like this. You have to cut out all sugars and sweet snacks and all junk food. No soda or chocolate milk (it's load with sugar) my grandson is out of control when he drinks chocolate milk. You will have to completely change his diet and watch out for any sweets.
A Friend Who Knows.

Clowmy

Answer 8

Get him involved in sports at his school. If you don't have the money to sign him up for classes in Karate', etc., the YMCA has many different things to interest an eleven year old boy...

Answer 9

because your a single parent, your son needs the presence of a father.

Answer 10

maybe see his dr and see if he has adhd (attention deficet hyperactive disorder) also try setting goals for him. Like for each day he behaves he gets to watch tv or get a new toy and if he misbehaves take something away like no tv or no video games.