Disciplining other people's kids. How far should you go?

Question

A situation arose on the weekend where the children (3 and 6 years) of a couple visiting my house bagan throwing things around, hitting our pets and screaming loudly (our toddler was asleep). I asked them not to throw shoes at the window because it would break. I asked them not to hit the cats. They continued as if I hadn't spoken. Their parents did nothing. In the end I picked up one and took him away from the animal he was hurting to his mother. He got such a surprise he began that someone was preventing him from doing what he wanted that he screamed and tried to bite me.

Later, my wife told me I shouldn't have touched him. The parents may have been offended that I disciplined their children.

Your ideas please. Was I wrong? If so, what else should I have done?

Thank you

Answer 1

no, I don't think carry the child to the mother was wrong..she shouldn't have allowed her children to abuse your pet or your hospitality...she wasn't doing her job....and as far as offending these parents....It doesn't sound like they would be smart enough to get offended...or they would have know their children was doing wrong and corrected it.....your wife needs to look at this situation a little differently...people who respect others would not allow their children to abuse this persons home or animals.......whoever these people are...they didn't show much respect or consideration to you and your wife.......

here is a suggestion, I am a mother of two children.....and when they were little I had encounters with old friends that had children close to my kids age...because of their children's behavior..hitting ,biting..screaming running and tearing up everything in sight... and their parents -my old friends- lack of doing anything about their actions..I distanced myself from them..I had to... for the sake of my children's wellbeing........you have a toddler ...if your child had been up when these people were there..their children would have more than likely been hitting your child as your cat..... that is what children do when they have not been corrected in this type of behavior...I doubt your wife would have liked for those kids to beat on hers...but that is liable to happen if they keep coming around...(know from experience)...If I was you and your wife..I would distance myself from these people....their kids behavior will only get worse as time goes on...and with their lack of parenting now...it strongly indication that this will happen....you don't want your child exposed to that.......

If these people happen to come back ..when their kids start acting up this way...ask the parents to stop this behavior and explain that it is not allowed in your home...and if they don't do anything about it..than ask them to leave...they are not worth worry over....

by the way, if anyone should be offend over this situation..it should be you and your wife.....it was a total lack of respect these people showed you.......

Answer 2

Yeah man that is a good question. It seemed when I was a kid if you were at someones house you treated it better than your own. My aunts and uncles and even some of my parents friends had free reign when it came to discipline, well with in reason. Not that they ever had to use the privilege, because I knew better than to back talk or disrespect an adult. I dont know what the "right" answer is really but I dont think you did anything wrong in this matter. I would bring it up to his parents in a tactful way that he was mistreating your cat and a cat being a cat wont always be "nice" my son found that out the hard way the other day when he picked up a cat that didnt want to be picked up, resulting in a bite to the face and shoulder.

Answer 3

I don't think you were wrong at all. First off the parents of those children should not have been letting that behavior go on. It may be ok in their house, but they shouldn't let it happen in other peoples homes. It is very disrespectful. If your wife is concerned about offending the other parents, then maybe you should tell your wife that you don't want them or their kids over until they make a commitment to watch their kids while they are in your home and not let them run around like animals.
If my kids ever did anything like that in someone elses home, they would be disciplined by me. I would not be offended if my kid was misbehaving and you handed him to me.. Its not like you spanked him or disciplined him.

Answer 4

I don't think it was a bad choice. It may have been better to directly tell the parents they needed to do something about it, if they chose to ignore it then I would have done exactly what you did. Your house (regardless of who is in it) should be treated with respect. I can't imagine ever taking my children some place and letting them run wild. As head of the household, you showed those kids who was in control. It seems like they might be in control of their own parents by the way they reacted. They are definitely in need of consistent discipline! Hope that helps.

Answer 5

no You were right, you passively corrected the situation and in the future tell the parents that if they aren't willing to correct their children or teach them some manors to not come over. See your role is reversed from mine, I'm the wife, my hubby would complain later cause he's non confrontational unless he has to be, but I am the first to not put up with someone's crap regardless of age. I have 2 kids of my own and I make them mind their manors. My 7 yr old, knows if I tell her to do something she better do it, I give her the warnings then the final one I say, I told you 2 times already and if I have to tell you a 3rd, I will spank you. that's what's wrong with kids today, noone is disciplining them, making them be better people, making them work for it, or know boundaries or just simply how to act. . There is a difference between spanking and beating, trust me i know the difference all too well.
You were not wrong. What do these people and your wife expect you to do, they could've broken a window, costing you $$ and could've got them hurt. aggravating the animals, I don't care what breed or how good your dog is with a child if it is cornered and feels threatened it will strike. You were protecting their child (and your pet) while at the same time disciplining them. You're wife needs to not worry about upsetting the parents and be more concerned about your family. What if they were picking like that to your child were you not supposed to have done anything then.

Answer 6

I have dogs and it's happened that I've had children and adults over and the second they mistreated my dogs, I went to the door, opened it and told them all to get out and not to let the door hit them in the butt.

When outsiders come into your home and if you don't like what they are doing, it is your right to set them straight. If a child inflicts injury upon your pets, you have every right to get your pets out of harm's way and if that entails throwing the offender out of your house, then do it. You are the boss in your own home.

You did the right thing and if the parents were offended by you disciplining their kids, then that's just too bad. Tell them the brats aren't welcome in your house. They need to go visiting without their kids.

Answer 7

You did the right thing. You picked him up and removed him from the situation. Who cares if the parents may have been offended and what they thought of you. Obviously they didn't care how about how you felt or how they treated your home and pets. You could have asked them to leave. I'm just curious what the parents did once you brought him over to his parents? Did they make him apologize or discipline him in any way? Did they stay? I think the best thing to do is not invite them over anymore. Who needs friends like that?

Added info: some bitter person is giving me negs on all my postings because they didn't like one of my responses. I mean really, my answer is like everyone elses but they give me the neg. Can you believe it?

Answer 8

You were totally correct to step in when the parents wouldn't and then force the parents to deal with their children by handing the brat to them.

I think you should have added as you handed the child to the parent, "we don't allow anyone -- including our pets -- to be mistreated in this house. Please get your child under control or it would be best if this visit was over."

Your wife is being an absolute wuss that does not respect her home or her husband stepping up / speaking up to defend at a minimum the preace inside your home. You risked losing the friendship with these people, but your wife should know that any parents who cannot or do not discipline and raise their own children are not really worth your family's time anyway.

Answer 9

As a woman I felt the same way when dh disciplined. Now I look back and think what was I thinking. As a parent sometimes, we are so tired of discipling,we actually don't mind when someone steps in and does the dirty work. My sister in law lets her child trash my house. I have to admit I was embarassed to say anything. My husband finally said to his sister in law, Can you watch him because he is pulling all the speaker wires out. So sometimes you just have to tell them because some parents are lazy. I do feel for your wife. You need to tell her, would you prefer to have someone come to your house and respect her space and things or take advntage of the situation and trash the place.

Answer 10

I think you did the right thing. It's true, some parents don't like other people disciplining their children. Some people allow it when they are taking care of the child at some point.

I say too bad. You told them to stop, and if they didn't, you should have the right to do whatever. You can't just let them hurt your animals, just because they aren't your children.