Long story short...my boyfriend has feels for someone else, but still loves me, and I still love him. He's really confused...we had a big fight tonight and he said he doesn't think we can be together but then once he saw how hurt I was he said that he wasn't ready to give this up. He said that it's wrong for him to have these feels when we've been together for four years now...he also said he wanted to be with her when I asked...I'm so confused! I think maybe he doesn't want to really end this because it will really kill me...i think I might be in denail too though...because when he says he needs more time I think there is still hope...I love him so very deeply...he said our relationship isn't exciting anymore, we know each other too well and that we are living like we are married...he wants a week, I'm going to give it to him...but honestly do you think he will come back? Am I just in denial that it might really be over?
2007-03-04 17:23:59 · 16 answers · asked by wilsonfromthefrew 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to ask yourself the following questions and when you answer them, make sure you are honest with yourself:
1. When he saw how hurt you were and he said he wasn't ready to give it up, are you sure he wasn't simply feeling really really guilty?
2. Do you think that anything will get anymore exciting for him in a weeks time than it is now?
3. Is there anything really wrong with living like you are married? (Hint: there is if you are with the wrong person).
4. Wouldn't you want at least a week to sort out for yourself if you want to be with someone who has feelings for another person?
No one can tell you what to do, but no one deserves to be with someone who doesn't wholly and solely want to be with them. It usually is a signal that they are not good enough for you, not vice versa.
5. The last question (and please don't take offence, it is not meant to be offensive) Do think you might actually need to be talking to someone you love and trust about this, not a computer screen, and not your boyfriend?
Remember life is too short to waste on on people who really don't want to be with you.
2007-03-04 17:34:58 · answer #1 · answered by A B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi read what you said "but then he said that we can pull through this and be stronger and that he loves me" this correct me if i am wrong was after he agreed that he needed a break. To me it reads that he feels you should have one, but you can pull through it because of your love. So although he feels that he needs a break from the bickering and does not like the constant arguing, which is understandable, he is also saying that he does not want a break. The best think you can do is to sit down and discuss what causes the majority of your arguments, if you remove that problem, then you remove the need to argue. A break wont help if your intentions are to get back together, that just gives rise to jealousy's on either part. what is needed is open communication, try to understand each other, see things from each others perspectives and respect each others opinions. Cheer up, he told you that he loves you and that is what counts. Good luck for the future and take care.
2016-03-29 00:34:34 · answer #2 · answered by Marilyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i stopped after i read the first sentence basically.... he has feelings for someone else...bottom line.... nothing else more needs to be said..there should be no more questions no more confusion dear. Honestly, i am married and we are COMPLETELY in love and have over 3 years behind us and a huuuuge history! If he told me " i have feelings for someone else", i mean that is all that would need to be said for me. Both him and I are both mature enough to know know that would be the end.
Hopefully, ya'll will be mature enough to realize this as well. If not, anything else is just games. Love is love, there is no in between.
2007-03-04 17:29:28 · answer #3 · answered by LM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that he won't come back. Sometimes love ends for different reasons. Its painful but unless you make a big fuss you'll be able to end the relationship without becoming enemies. In time, you'll discover he wasn't the one for you. A mourning and moping period is expected but try and keep it short as possible. Have a good life.
2007-03-04 17:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by Im Listening 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the guilt he feels because you're sad isn't enough to keep him. you need to understand that if after four years he is willing to throw it all away over some new love interest, then he isn't worthy of you. you can find someone else. you can let him go and he can do his thing, but i promise you, he'll miss you. four years is a long time to just give up on and i know it's hard for you, but you know what they say, if you love them, let em go, and if they don't come back, they were never yours to begin with. you'll be fine, i promise. it'll take time, but you are lowering yourself waiting around for him to pick you.
2007-03-04 17:29:29 · answer #5 · answered by rubydoobydoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you are in denial. The good news is that you found out he is a cheating jerk and you have the chance to do better. Time cures all wounds so don't worry. He will not last with the new girl. Do not give him time....tell him it is over and you do not deal with the disrespect he has given you.
2007-03-04 17:27:34 · answer #6 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah yes, the old "keep her around in case it doesn't work out with the other girl"strategy.
He's gotten tired of the relationship and is seeking out new prospects. In case things don't work out, he still "has" you to fall back on until the next opportunity arrives. Are you comfortable with that status? I wouldn't be.
2007-03-04 17:31:28 · answer #7 · answered by m k 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No such thing as taking a break. This is a sign that your boyfriend isn't the one. I suggest you break it off now and find someone who'll stay because they love you and not because they feel sorry for you.
At first you'll feel pain and sorrow, but you'll get over it.
2007-03-04 17:28:44 · answer #8 · answered by forlanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the next best thing to what he wants, so you need to dump him.
It might well be hard to do, but you need to do it.
If he comes crying back them him you are dating someone that just rocks your world and you would love to keep him about, but you love the other guy more. :-) Its what he is doing to you.
Dump him, he's treating you like a second string player
2007-03-04 17:28:07 · answer #9 · answered by Harmon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So two things: He probably just wants to date her cause she's new and he doesn't know her, and he just has mostly sexual feelings for her...which isn't love.
Also, get exciting! Do out of the ordinary stuff for you, have conversations you've never had before, go on trips! you can't be boring unless you want people to be bored of you.
2007-03-04 17:27:37 · answer #10 · answered by Chris C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋