Discussing sex with your partner...?

Question

Ok, so... I have been in a long distance relationship for the last six months and will be visiting my girlfriend soon. Both of us are virgins however she has told me she is ready to go all the way when ever I am. I think I may be ready but I was wondering if I should discuss it with my girlfriend before going up to see her.

So my question is, would it be appropriate to ask if I should bring condoms and whether or not she'll be on the pill or not? It would be great to just have the moment happen spontaneously, but I don't want to buy and bring condoms up for the first time and have her think that sex was always on my mind and I planned on it.

What should I do?

Thanks

Just as a side note: This will not be the first time we are meeting so we are already used to being with each other in person.

To tell you the truth. The first time we met, I was dead nervous but ended up going further than I had ever expected with her; nothing too sexual but still way unexpected so who knows what may happen this time.

Also, I am completely new with this whole condom thing. Is there a certain type/brand I should get? What should I be aware of? etc.

Thanks again!

Answer 1

Save the spontaneous, wind rippling in your hair, running on sandy beaches at sunset, galloping on wild horses over the moors for a good and entertaining movie...or TV ad, bc that's where they belong.

To discuss having your relationship "go to the next level" is one of the most vitally important and responsible, if "unromantic", things you and your partner can ever possibly do.

That discussion/agenda has multiple subjects on it. They are most important--whether your partner is your 1st or your 31st. Get these items straight BEFORE things get hot and heavy bc it's no fun playing "catch-up" when, if, something goes "wrong".

By talking in advance, sounding each other out, understanding yourself and your partner's wants, needs, emotions, and expectations, you both will have an easier time--and a better time--without the anxiety of unwanted "surprises" should they occur.

Indeed, it's enough "good stress" learning about your body and your partner's, trying to relax, having fun, and enjoying this new, intense experience without other unnecessary distractions or anxieties.

These are the things that I always dicuss with my partner BEFORE when we both acknowledge or even suspect that the attraction is mutual, and/or the oppportunity may be coming up soon.

If things have sped along and seem to be heating up and we're nearly AT "the moment", then I'll gently stop and tell him...I have some things I'd like to talk to you about first....:

Contraception expectations--"Hey, do have any condoms? I don't and I'm not on the pill, I don't have my diaphgram with me, etc. If not, then we need to wait until we do babe."

Safe sex preferences and expectations--"Hey, I believe in safe sex and I'm not willing to sleep with you until we have condoms. Got any? Let me go check to see if I have any....

Unexpected pregnancy planning--"How do you feel about abortion?" I always ask this question precisely this way. Bold face, clear, up-front, no beating about the bush. The man's reaction AND his response always tells me a lot about who he is, what he's prepared to face, what he would want/expect, how responsible he is. Period.

One guy told me he really didn't think I'd go through with that, that I'd want the baby. But, if I was wanting or thinking of terminating, I should please give him the baby to raise...I knew that I wasn't fully ready and would have a hard time making a choice either way...and probably would not have terminated.

As well, I knew that he was as good as his word. I also knew that marriage was definintely on the table for him. Talk about feeling secure and truly comfortable and ready to go forward!

One guy I was deeply in love with, but he could barely support himself. I popped the question. He was taken aback, but strongly didn't want termination. Didn't believe in it. Not a word about me, about the suport and upbringing of that child, etc. I then had my answer about what I was going to do should I get pregnant. It was a good thing too, bc I later found myself crying in my doctor's office: My period, usually remarkably regular, was a looong time coming.

When my doctor asked if I wanted to terminate, I had an immediate answer, tearful, upset, and regretful though I was. I was sooo grateful I knew in advance where I stood, where he stood, where that pregnancy stood.

No extra tears shed over him, no desperation that he become instantly responsible alongside me and no waiting around for him to. No second guessing or particularly acute sorrow now that I faced such a situation.

Talk about a boat load of anxiety, misery, and recriminations I'd just saved myself...not to mention others.

Sexual health history--I always tell and always ask for info. so I can choose how to protect myself, even if that includes abstinence. Wish the guy above had been even fractionally responsible about his sexual health history--he claimed he had "nothing". Turns out he "gave" me a lot and had the nerve to swear it wasn't him....Yeah, he would have been an irresponsible parent I knew that going in.

Too bad I couldn't have fallen out of instant love with that twit as instantly as I had fallen in. I still believe in love at first sight, just smarter now to look both ways and to also watch just where I'm jumping IF I'm jumping off that cliff.

Believe me, having these discussions in advance allows you both to just enjoy each other and enjoy "it", which are precisely the whole point(s).

You can talk over the phone or in person and take your time over it. It's a lot to think about if you've not carefully considered any of it before.

From a practical/technical standpoint, buy several different types of condoms open the package and see what you think, how they feel. You can practice on a banana, a cucumber, or yourself. If you live in a large enough town or city, there is probably a sexuality hotline or organization available to answer questions. I've also listed some links and websites below. Also, call Planned Parenthood. They may have classes and workshops on condom use, safe sex, etc. They're always a great resource.

Now, after you've thougth, discussed, and learned,...

THEN, you can be as spontaneous, as "natural" as you want to be, when, and where. Or,

THEN, you two set the stage and plan the next evening you're together with dinner by the fire, hand holding, soulful kisses, roses or rose petals....telling her how excited she makes you feel, asking how you can help her feel as wonderful, as wanted.

Enjoy.

Answer 2

It would be completely appropriate to discuss condoms and the pill at this point if you think you may have sex with each other. This is called being responsible and looking out for each other's well-being. :)

Just because you have condoms with you doesn't mean that things will happen. If it doesn't feel right for you both, then it won't. So whatever happens WILL be spontaneous.

Word of advice. Since you're both virgins, neither of you knows much about putting condoms on. I'd recommend you buy yourself a three pack and do a little practicing with them at home before you go visit her. They can be tricky. Make sure you leave space at the tip.

Best of luck to you both, I hope that you and your lady find the happiness that my man and I found from OUR long distance relationship. We've been married two and a half years now.

Answer 3

Talk to her. It's better to know the situation before hand, rather then get there, have no condoms and learn later that she's not on the pill either.

If you're worried she's going to think you only think about sex, just let her know that you don't want to put either of you in a bad situation, and you want to make sure it's right. If you prepare for it and it doesn't happen, isn't it better then not prepares and having to deal with something because you didn't? Be it an unexpected pregnancy, STD or whathaveyou, it's just better to be prepared.

Answer 4

i think it is definitely a good idea to at least talk about what you expect to do on your meeting. it's better to at least have a plan. even if you don't end up going all the way, at least you can be prepared.

but you know, long distance relationships can be challenging. i'm sure you have a great emotional closeness, but being together in person mahy feel slightly awkward.. i tried to rush into sex with long distance partners when i wasn't ready.. in the end, i was too nervous and couldn't even get arroused.. so be careful. make sure you are both emotionally ready for it..

Answer 5

It sure is difficult isn't it? You are asking us if it's ok to have sex with your gf ...and if you should carry condoms....Heres the thing , you're gonna do it anyway so be prepared and know how to use em. If you are planning why isn't she prepared? Do you really know this girl ? Long distance like e=mail gf or gf moved away and you still talk....anyway sounds like you are still not ready....you both need to take responsibility for birth control and STD's ....Always be ready for responsibility . theres too much at stake here......

Answer 6

She did tell you that she'd be ready to go all the way if you are ready. You too think that you're ready, right?
Carrying a condom would only show concern and the fact that you want to enjoy sex without having to worry abt. the consequences! I think it'd show that you care for her!

Wishes!

Answer 7

Don't rush into that yet. If you're not married to her, don't start having sex with her. why? Because sex is connecting your body with hers for life. Anything can happen. Let's suppose you go seperate ways. Since you made love, your flesh will still be part of one another.

And there is always the threat of when you do it once, you'll do it again and again and it will get boring, then there will be no marriage. If you really love each other, you'll connect with the heart and not the body.

Answer 8

She said she was ready, so it shouldn't be a problem brining it up. there are many alternatives for women, and condoms or the knife for men. Approach it as "in case we decide to go all the way.....," rather then indicating you plan to have sex. It sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders.

Are you sure you guys want to do that? Depending on your principles, you might want to think about it. If preserving yourselves is a big part of who you are, make sure the decision is sound for you and her. If so, enjoy!

Answer 9

More than likely, it's on her mind also. If you are considering it, you do need protection so, yes, buy some in case. As far as talking about it before hand, I think you should, because she may need to know that if you are going to do it, that you are going to be responsible. I think its great that you are both virgins, if you think you are ready, than maybe your not, so be careful, and ask yourself if this is really what you want to do, if shes uncomfortable than don't carry it any futher, save yourself until you both know that you are ready instead of thinking that you are.

Answer 10

Oh u sweet. (",)

Call her &after u have spoken about ur usual things, gently ask her what she would like u to do (dont just go out to buy the condoms), u may also ask her about being on the pill or not.

If she is uncertain, say u'll buy them, but tell her there is no obligation whats so ever.