Okay here's the thing. I am a young, sucessful black woman, with my own house, car and yes I am educated. I have no children, but I do have a dilema.
I do not date black men, mostly because I am bitter about how they treat black women. White women and other races of women love black men and alot of black men are open to dating outside of their race. However, I don't appreciate the lies that are told concerning black women. So I decided to let the black men have their white women.
However, I still get approached by many successful, intelligent, handsome black men all the time. They have dated outside of their race, and decided that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. So they want a black woman again. There is this one man in particular, he is educated, fine, successful without children and he is pursuing me full-fledge. He used to only date women who weren't black. He decided that he wants a black woman now and he is ready to settle down. I have given him a hard time.
2007-03-04
15:53:42
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28 answers
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asked by
Tonya
3
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Singles & Dating
I will not go out on a date with him, because he used to only date white women. He thinks I am wrong for this. He sends me flowers at work, he does all sorts of nice things for me.
But I told him I am bitter and I can not give him a chance. He said that I a wrong for being this way?? Am I wrong?? Should I take a chance on a wonderful black men, even though he isolated himself from his "sistas"? Please be honest, and candid. He has been pursuing me for 2 months, and we haven't gone on a date. We are just friends. He said he thinks I am the one. What should I do??
2007-03-04
15:55:54 ·
update #1
It looks like you have strong views on interracial dating. It is my personal opinion that you may be throwing a baby with bath water. You may be rejecting a good guy for ideological reasons. You are saying that black men treat bad women badly. I have a question for you: All of them? I can assure you that not all of them. So give the guy a chance, get to know him through dating and then you will know who he is. He may be your Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong, but you will never know unless you try. Besides, dating doesn't create a commitment, it's just a way to get acquainted on a more personal level. Then you can decide if he's right or wrong for you.
As an afterthought... there are millions of people who treat their partners, spouses, common laws badly. They come from all races, they are men and women... On the flip side.... lots of good ones, too.
2007-03-04 16:19:21
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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You are NOT wrong for dating who you choose to be with, however you may be wrong with your tactics. I am an interracial dater as well, but in my book INTERACIAL dating is being OPEN to dating other races as well as your own. There are some who do it exclusively and that is OKAY.
It IS wrong to exclude an entire race of men because of how they are 'stereotyped' as treating women. Men are jerks. They ALL take women for granted, not just black men.
I would date a black man in a heartbeat if I could find one here that didn't hate the fact that I'm open to dating white guys.
Not everyone who dates interacially 'throws their race away'. Not all interracial daters have to 'come back'. The ONLY reason that I put a pause on it was because the brothers were hating me for being open-minded.
Please understand that you are doing exactly what he did. You stated that you do not date black man. So you are isolating yourself from them, in years to come you may be in that young mans position, pining away for a black man who will not date you because you once dated white guys.
You threw out something about the lies concerning black women but did not clear up what you were talking about.
Sounds like there is something else on your mind. Take a deep breath, ignore the worlds' judgement, forget other peoples pasts, blind yourself to color and go from there. Remember every day that you live you are creating a 'past' Do you really want feelings like this to haunt you in the future? If you need to talk, msg me.
2007-03-05 00:36:14
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answer #2
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answered by LN 2
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Chasing you for two months cannot make him a good person anyway....
you should have in your mind that he has already gone with so many other white women right!!!! what will you do if again he feels that you are not the one who he is in need of... you will get frustrated again.... so think before you take any decision...
But he has got another side also... he hasn't gone out for two months and he says that you are the right one immaterial of you are a black or white!!!! If you feel that he is trying to change his life and want to change his life with you then nothing wrong in doing that for sure... he will surely keep you happy if you do the same for him since every action has equal and opposite reaction...
All the best for your future God Bless you :)
2007-03-05 00:08:02
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answer #3
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answered by Raj 2
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Hey, you can't go blaming and hating every single japanese for the WW2 just because a few of them decided to be nasty.
Let's face it, you are attracted to this man, but you have allowed your pre-conceived ideas of black men coupled with your pride to interfere with how you really feel.
The very fact that you can, without any prejudice, say all sorts of nice things about this man, shows that you have recognized the fact that he's really eligible. And you know, if you think he's eligible, I can tell you, so do many women.
Why not give him a chance? It wouldn't hurt to go out on a couple of no strings attached dates right? After all, the ball is in your court now.
All the best! :)
2007-03-05 00:01:28
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Be honest? OK girlfriend. You are wrong. Not only are you wrong you are about to loose a good thing. So he dated white and now he's back, so what? He wants to date you, not black women, you? Are you running for office? No? then get off the soapbox and drop the bitterness. That is going to cost you love and keep you alone all your life. Bitterness will sour you future and blind you to the very things you say that you are looking for. You are lucky to find a working, single childless educated black man that sends flowers and is willing to persue you for weeks while you play games. Sorry sis but you are one big fool and if you don't want him for God sake send him my way, I will gladly take him and so will dozens of other sisters so **** or get off the pot.
2007-03-05 00:00:39
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answer #5
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answered by CindyLu 7
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I think you are wasting a very good opportunity. What are you waiting for? He obviously likes you. You are too into your own stereotypical attitude to try something new for yourself. The worst thing that could happen is you go out and have a bad time...and then all you have to do is say that things won't work out. If this man is intelligent like you say he is then he wouldn't waste his time pursuing you if you weren't what he is looking for in a girlfriend and potential partner. And as for your bitterness...all people are not the same...and you shouldn't judge based on anything.
2007-03-05 00:04:34
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answer #6
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answered by PrincessRain22 2
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Yes, it is wrong to judge anyone by their skin color. You can't take previous experiences out on this guy just because he's black too. He may be what you're looking for.
But honestly what you need to consider is weather you are going to be able to handle it. Are you going to accuse him of something every time he's near a white woman? Are you going to take your bitterness that far? It was wrong for you to be bitter in the first place. That's something you should have never taken personally. Now that you have will you be able to stop?
2007-03-04 23:59:08
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answer #7
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answered by Nette 5
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Well, say somebody did bads things in their past, and felt bad about it, and wanted to be with you. Wouldn't you forgive them? Lots of people make mistakes... or do things that you may not be happy with. But like you said. This is a nice guy. And he's black, he's the full package. Just because he dated white women in the past doesn't mean he a icky yucky person now. and like you, you said you didn't like black men, and this man doesn't judge you for that does he?
2007-03-05 00:00:54
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answer #8
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answered by pretty shy 3
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i think you should give him a chance, you cant be mad at him for not wanting black women in the past because right now you are the same you dont want black men because of something you think or heard, many black men aren't very good looking better yet successful and now a handsome man who wants something for himself see something in you and you which i dont know what it is the way you say you are acting ,want to blow him off .i think you are very wrong personally i really dont like out of race dating im not trying to be races but i think that those b itch a ss white women need to stop taking our beautiful black men away from us because they are really messing it up for us black women who really want a black man who can do us right ,and you have one who is right in your face trying to do you right and all you can say is your bitter?........? well you will be a bitter a ss b itch by your f ucking self if you keep acting like that because a white man really dont want s hit from you and they really dont know how to treat black women.obviously you are a rich stuck up b itch raised in a big a ss house but if you actually lived where it was hard for you to even survive you would appriciate a nice black man who is willing to do something to benefit you and someone who will treat you right and you wanna talk about you want a white guy well stop wasting his time and get the f uck on cause if he is an intelligent man like you said he would've left you alone about the second time you said no ,so you got to be doing something else for him to be sending you stuff to your job .you got to be flirting back or f ucking him one.
TAKE IT HOW YOU WANT IM JUST LETTING YOU KNOW .
2007-03-05 00:22:27
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answer #9
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answered by pretty girl 2
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Girl do u know how many women would be willing to gave him a chance that's what you need to do all black men don't do black women dirty just the ones that are dumb to see something good in there life and he has seen something good in you so gave the men a chance.
2007-03-05 00:00:46
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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