Ok well i live in RI and i was 16 when i had my son i was taken advantage of by someone much older. i was in and out group homes at the time and the court took him from me because I didnt have a apt of my own or a job..he was in my mothers care for 5 months and when she hurt herself he was put in foster care.. they gave me 2 mos to get a job a apt and go to a 8 week parenting classes..I was not able to do so. So the courts made me sign an open OR closed adoption. i went for the open so i would be able to visit with him 6 times a year and so on.. well the parents who adopted him just recently moved changed there number and po box. i contacted my lawyer about the court order and he got in touch with them..and they want me to stop seeing him because he is so attached to me..he does not no me as his mom but he must know something because he crys after every visit..He is going to me 6 this april and i am 21 and have a good job a 3 bedroom apt and a 2 yr old daughter.. Can i get him back?
2007-03-04 15:42:03 · 12 answers · asked by jlt111804@verizon.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i think your lawyer can give you the best advice
2007-03-04 15:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by annc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm how can I put this so you can understand what you are actually asking: pretend you arent the bio mom. and ask that question....how can i take the child away from his mother?
very few 'open' adoptions are successful at some harmonious relationship between the adoptive parents and the bio mother.
step parents are more successful than open adoptions because they have more contact with the kids and the step mother assumes a 'step parent' role. what is your role? this is confusing dont you think? surely the ad. mother is sad and confused at your visits. they are trying to get on with their life.
keep contact by phone or mail to the parents...ask them to let you know how he is doing. send cards/gifts on special occassion. be a loving admirer sort of...be happy for the child. their adoptive child will try to figure out a place for you when he gets older. when he understands everything better. be proud that you are doing well and wish the lovely child safety and love always. peace
2007-03-04 16:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
even if you could why would you do this to him? maybe he cries not because of him realizing something as much as the tension that it causes when he sees you in his home i don't mean you should not see him but as a mother not one who has adopted children mind you but i can imagine it would scare the crap out of me every time you came over because i would be so scared you where going to do what you say you are thinking of so if he is being questioned after your visits about what did she say? what did you say? and so on then it maybe causing him stress it would be wrong if his parents are questioning him but it would be done out of fear so this maybe why he cries also if when you come its a fun day of visiting then it can be hard for any child my daughters are 9 and 5 and my little one cries every time her papa leaves because when he is here its fun and games and treats so when hes gone then so is the extra fun! Ask your self if at 6 a family friend as you might be know came and took your daughter what would she be thinking what would she be feeling do you believe she would be OK would you think every night she would go to bed feeling safe and loved or would she all ways feel that she could not trust anyone that at any point the whole world could come down around her? i don't know about you but i would never want this for any of my girls. i understand you where taken advantage of you had a raw deal but now its time to realize you must do the right thing and not make a horrible mistake worse by taking a little boy from the only family he knows when in the end it would be to heal the pain you feel not any pain that he is in! ask for pictures from his parents and updates and then work back in to visits as hard as it is it must also be very scary for parents who probably love their son with everything they have a little boy who is the center of their world and then to think you might take him? try working on building trust so that in the end both you and his parents can find a happy middle ground and in the end he will thank you!
2007-03-04 16:40:05 · answer #3 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
is it in the best interests of the child? I think not, but that is on your conscience and you must decide.
All this time the child has know the adopted parents as his parents. Even if he knows who you are, you are not the one he looks for when he is sick or in trouble. You gave up your rights and that is that. It is hard but now you must live with the consequences. It will not ease your mind to stir up trouble and try to take the child from the only home he has ever known. Sorry but it is in the best interest of the child if you back off for now and try again to make contact when the child is more able to understand the situation. it is not about you anymore, it is about the child.
2007-03-04 15:50:26 · answer #4 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not only can you probably NOT get him back, but do you really think it is a good idea? I was adopted. My adoptive parents were the BEST. I could not have imagined living with them for six years and being taken away from them. Leave him to the care of the parents he has. You will see him eventually and he will know you gave him a good life.
2007-03-04 15:47:06 · answer #5 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really, really advise you to speak to someone who knows adoption law.
I am sure that any legal pursuit would be very expensive and very time consuming. And, probably, in the end no one would be happy, including you.
Why don't you also pursue having your visitation rights enforced by the courts. They signed the paper work for this adoption too didn't they? If they did, then they promised you that you could see him six times a year--make them live up to their promise.
Whatever you decide, I hope that you are satisfied with the outcome.
2007-03-04 15:50:48 · answer #6 · answered by Tabitha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if they are breaking the open adoption then I would think so. Definately get in touch with your lawyer and see what you can do. I am sorry that your son was taken from you. its too bad that they made you sign the papers, I would think this being a free country they can't do that. There should be some sort of law regarding issues like this. good luck.
2007-03-04 15:47:27 · answer #7 · answered by WINGS 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That depends on the state laws. It might be difficult after all these years but it is not impossible. You were underage when he was taken and there might be other factors to be considered. Talk to a lawyer who specializes in family law and adoption laws.
2007-03-04 15:50:21 · answer #8 · answered by katlady 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say wait until u older, because even though u have a steady job, u need to prepare yourself mentally. Meaning, u going to be taking care of 2children now, open up education policies for them, save, once u feel steady financially, and matured, file for custody.
Your son needs a stable home right now, &there is no harm done allowing him to stay at his foster parents, but let them know what your attentions are, &find out by your lawer what ur legal options are.
2007-03-04 15:51:30 · answer #9 · answered by Phoenix21 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
No. You can't get him back.
He's adopted by another family. While you have rights to visit him, you MUST listen to his adopted parents. Your window of oppurtunity has closed and although you are together now, he's in a life that best suits him NOW.
2007-03-04 15:45:36 · answer #10 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No.
You had two months to get your act together and you chose not to do it. You blew it. There were no excuses. If you cared enough for your child you would have done what they asked and that would be that.
2007-03-04 15:46:13 · answer #11 · answered by holeeycow 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋