My daughter is 25 years old and a member of my church. The pastors fee slighted that m daughter is engaged and they have not met her husband to be. My daughter is not getting married at our church. I do not understand what the big deal is.
2007-03-04 14:55:13 · 8 answers · asked by missgp 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm a minister's daughter as well and agree a pastor's role really only involves pre-marital counseling if he is going to be the officiant for the ceremony. However, it is quite common for members of the church to invite their mates to visit worship service at least once, especially in committed relationships that lead to marriage. Additionally, pastors often build bonds with congregation members, especially active and longstanding members, since a pastor's role is to provide spiritual guidance. This is probably why the pastor may have felt slighted that he hasn't at least met her fiance. But I'm sure the pastor will be fine. It would be a nice gesture however, if your daughter would invite her fiance to attend a worship service with her and introduce him to the pastor afterward.
2007-03-04 16:21:43 · answer #1 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as a pastor's daughter, I am very knowledgeable on the role that pastors play in engagements as well as the actual wedding. If the person (or persons) who are engaged are members of the church and are intending to get married in the church, then the pastor is very involved. He meets with the couple quite often and counsels them up until the wedding. However, your case is very different. The pastor should only offer words of advice and wisdom to your daughter but that's about it. If your pastor has a close relationship with your family, including your daughter, then she should introduce her future husband to him out of common courtesy. But if he doesn't then your daughter should not feel any obligation to introduce her fiance to him nor should she feel obligated to meet with the pastor for counseling or anything else.
Hope I helped!
Congrats on the Future Son-in-law
Good Luck
2007-03-04 16:07:13 · answer #2 · answered by Justyn's Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if your daughter is marrying someone of the same (or comparable) faith then your pastors shouldn't have a worry about it
however they may feel a tad hurt that your daughter is making her own decisions and appears to be excluding them - especially if they have known her since childhood
whilst your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind on things - all too often people forget those who have cared for them for many years when a love interest comes along - then when it goes wrong they expect those forgotten ones to pick up the pieces for them again. I think that although your daughter is within her legal rights it would be better if she can find ways of including key people in the ceremonies
but also the pastors need to be sure that their concern is pastoral rather than personal too
2007-03-04 15:04:39 · answer #3 · answered by Aslan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pastor has no right to say anything about a members wedding or where they are gonna hold their wedding. The pastor is just that a pastor, yeah he can be your friend but even then he still has no right to say anything. I got married to my husband last Aug and I didn't meet the members of his church and we had originally had no plans of holding our wedding in the church.
2007-03-04 15:05:08 · answer #4 · answered by WI Wedding Lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your daughter is a member of his congregations he probably feels a responsibility to someone in 'his flock'.
She hasn't brought him to church and she isn't getting married in her home church, so he probably wonders what's up or what he's done to make her feel this way.
Wouldn't it make you slightly curious?
When I got married both my fiance & I were members of a particular church but wanted another minister to marry us. Which is what we did. But in order not to hurt the pastor, we had him speak at the reception.
2007-03-04 16:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on the church, some feel they have to know both people, while others don't mind. Personally i think is shouldn't matter, I don't go to church much anymore so my pastor wont marry me and my fiance and I'm not catholic so we cant get married at his church so were just thinking of going to Hawaii to get married.
2007-03-04 15:20:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some churches are close. I know people that are having their family members marry them and so they are more involved, my priestess was not involved until the wedding, and she ate with us, and partied it up at the reception, but otherwise she drove down that morning. By being close to your members you have a better connection with them.
2007-03-04 15:53:42 · answer #7 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said it, the pastor feels slighted, and he is right, he was.
2007-03-04 16:35:38 · answer #8 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋