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I have a small petite 8 yo boy that weighs 45 lbs. When he gets hurt or severly scolded, or given consequences for behavior before the behavior occurs. He sometimes goes into a complete loss of self control screaming and crying, groaning like a wild animal and has said multiple self injury statements escalating to the point of saying He was going to get his dad's gun and kill himeself. I don't react to his behavior. Some people say he is manipulating me while others jaws drop at the mention of him saying this. He is supposed to be ADHD, but he makes A'and B's and is no longer on meds. His dad is an alcoholic with a host of issues and my son doesn't see him much. I work reg. hours and don't give into my sons every want. His Dad says it must be me because he lives with me. Any suggestions would be great.

2007-03-04 13:55:19 · 6 answers · asked by lanakay s 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting Toddler & Preschooler

6 answers

A child psychiatrist would be my first step and was my first step. My daughter had a break down one day at school. Her problem is that she has severe anxiety disorders, depression from the anxiety, mild OCD and ADD. She also mentioned wanting to kill herself, that is what propted us to seek professional help. After 2 years she is doing much better and thriving in school. Don't let this get out of control. He is crying for help and this is the only way he knows how, he is not trying to deliberatly manipulate you. You are not alone, neither is he. My prayers are with you. I know how hard it is to look at your precious little angel and not know what to do and feel so helpless.

2007-03-04 14:05:24 · answer #1 · answered by mom of 2 5 · 1 0

It is so hard for adults to have self control so it is easy to see why children struggle with this a lot.

Your son is obviously very upset over something. Most likely being confused about not seeing his dad. Even if he seems okay most of the time he is sure to wonder why he doesn't want to see him. He also doesn't know how to handle the grief and sadness he feels. Children don't know how to talk about their feelings.

It is good that your son is off the medicine. I think that medicine should only be used as a last resort. My husband has horror stories of having to take ritalin as a child. Not wanting to eat and being the smallest in his class was one of the bad memories. The headaches and frustations when the medicine was wearing off was another one. He also wasn't himself and came across very shy, which made it hard to meet friends.

Children diagnosed with ADHD often are very sensitive. They get hurt easily and can end up in huge fits of rage. All of the feelings inside come flooding out.

When he gets like this can you try just hugging him. Letting him know that you see how angry and upset he is. Tell him you are sorry that he is so frustrated and sad. Make sure he understands that you are listening and there for him. Don't give in to what he wanted, don't take back his punishment but let him know that you do care he is hurting and mad.

After he has calmed down take a few minutes to talk about what happened. Maybe right before bed when things are quiet. Tell him again that you understand how angry he gets. This time though tell him some ideas on how to get his point across. Let him know things that you do when you are upset.

I would also look into get some counseling for him. If you can't afford one go to the school for help. They will provide you with assistance or numbers to call. Your pediatrician could help too.

And look into what else could be making him so angry. Is he being picked on in school? Does he have friends? Is the school work to hard or to easy? Is he getting enough sleep? Eating properly? Getting enough exercise? See which of these things could be a factor and what could be done to fix them.

And chart when his fits occur and why. Mark them on a calendar so you have them handy. Provide as much details as possible on the day. Do they happen after he has been at his dads? On the weekends? At night? In the morning? And what they are over exactly.

And his dad needs to stop wasting time pointing fingers and use that time to figure out a solution.

Take Care,
SD

2007-03-04 14:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by SD 6 · 1 0

have you checked into bi-polar? my step son is ADHD and bi polar and the behavior sounds a lot like him before we got his meds. loss of ratinal thinking, throwing himself on the floor or against the walls, heavy sweating and wild/blank look in his eyes. his muscles became tense and he would scream and scream and scream. "no one likes me", "everyone hates me", "i hate me", "i want to die", "everyone blames me/i have to do everything", "my sisters get special treatment-its not fair"

we took him to a doctor, not a councelor, only doctors can diagnosis bi polar. we had a rough transition with the pills at first but once he was on them about 3weeks we saw a change.

do a search on the internet they have lots of websites with traits you can see for yourself. IF this is the problem, there is help.


GOOD LUCK I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU!

2007-03-04 21:34:55 · answer #3 · answered by rachael 5 · 0 1

You need to let this child know that you are the boss and fits of rage get him nowhere! Start taking things away that he likes to do or play with every time he thows a fit. Its also important to praise him when he wants to throw a fit and doesnt. You need to let him know that you are paying attention to him and that their are consequences to his actions, negative or postive.

2007-03-04 14:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

I just attended a work shop on discipline. The work shop was called, "Conscious Discipline" by Dr. Becky Baily. I read her book, "Theres got to be a better way Discipline that works" and I also has books on cd. She believes in working with children instead of punishing them by isolating them, yelling, getting them in trouble, sending them to their room, taking things away from them etc. She teaches parents and teachers to see far beyond childrens unwanted or misbehavior. There is always a good reason as to why children misbehave... a good quote from her is , "There is no such thing as a bad person or a bad child, just a hurting one." and she goes on to say..."I personally believe there is no such thing as a bad person or a bad child, just a hurting one. In my own life when I feel poorly about myself or something is really bothering me I may be a little grumpy and uncooperative. IT IS INSANITY TO BELIEVE THAT IF WE GET CHILDREN TO FEEL BAD, THEY WILL BEHAVE BETTER." She goes on to explain that instead of viewing people as being good or bad, it is possible to view children as well as our selves in different terms. The two states of being we all fluctuate between are extending love or calling for love. When we are extending love, we feel whole, complete and peaseful. We feel worthy of giving and recieving love. When we are calling for love, we feel sepparate and alone, isolated and rejected. Your son is calling for love. He needs you to understand him and help him get through what ever is going through. From what you say he is going through alot more serious things. This is not about him misbehaving and not wanting to accept the consequences, its deeper and his outburst and tantrums show it. Try to find out more of what he is going through and help him sort and aknowledge his feelings. It must be hard having divorced or sepparated parents and on top of this an alcoholic dad. Being raised by a single parent who works alot. Your are dealing with your own emotions and stresses to notice and help your son out. Dr. Becky Baily talks about the brain and the states of mind we are in when we are stressed and upset and how its imposible to problemsolve. She teaches self control when we are upset or stressed so we can model these techniques to our children. I have to say her workshops and especially her book has helped me to understand myself and my children to problemsolve and to remain under control so I can discipline my children positively. It has even helped me in my marriage. I have learned more from Dr. Becky Baily than the year my husband and I spent going to a psychologist, counselor, and our church priest. Not that these thing are bad, they helped but not in great detail. Good luck with your son. God Bless you

2007-03-04 14:44:13 · answer #5 · answered by liliana 4 · 0 0

Bi-polar, medic depression and ADHD have same symptoms. Please check with his doctor, before he hurts himself or you.

2007-03-06 17:52:40 · answer #6 · answered by Peppermint Patti 3 · 0 0

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