What do you do at a funeral?

Question

This might sound stupid but I have to go to a funeral and I don't know what to do! I have not been to a funeral since I was a kid, but now that I am an adult I don't know what to do/what to say/how to act when I get there. The family is Catholic but I do not practice any religion so I'm not sure if there are any traditions I should know about.

Answer 1

Catholics usually have a viewing and a funeral mass. At the viewing, it's usually just a gathering of family and friends there to comfort each other and chat/visit for a bit, usually reminiscing about the person who passed. Sometimes they'll say a prayer or a rosary. So you simply would join in the prayer. If you don't know the prayers, just listen silently with everyone.

At the funeral mass, you attend a church service like any other church. Most Catholics will do what is called "genuflecting" before entering the pew. That is just a sign of respect. It is a simply one kneed type of bow before you sit. Some also "bless" themselves as they enter the church with the sign of the cross with some holy water. Follow the lead of those who enter ahead of you, you will see it's very simply traditions they are following.

During the mass, there will be gospel and epistle readings where you simply sit quietly and listen to the message the family wished to have for the deceased and the guests. Perhaps there will be a eulogy as well. You will be asked to kneel during the consecration of the host--just before the holy communion. Again here, you'll just need to be quietly observant and follow those around you. There may be hymns sung as well. If that is the case, there may be a sign that lists these hymns in the hymnals. You can use the hymnal or not, and if you know the song, you may join in and sign as well.

If there is a funeral procession to the cemetery, you will be given a small flag to place on your car (magnetic) so you may follow. There is usually just a simple blessing and prayer at the gravesite where the family and friends will gather.

Some Catholics will also have a small gathering after the funeral as well to welcome and thank their family and friends for the support during their time of need. Often it is a small brunch or light luncheon.

Simple conservative clothing will suffice. Dark clothing at a Catholic funeral isn't a requirement. You will notice that a Catholic priest does not wear black but wears white. You may notice that any flowers and decorations are white. Instead, Catholics call a funeral a "celebration of one's life." They believe that the person has gone to heaven and are celebrating the joy that the person experienced here on earth and the joy of being with their God again. There is nothing to be nervous about and there are no stringent social conventions other than being observant and following the simple traditions if you aren't familiar with them and standard politeness.

Your presence and willingness to be present at this even will be very welcome and appreciated by the family and friends of the deceased.

Answer 2

The viewing at a funeral home, or the wake as it is commonly called, is where you would go the day or two before the funeral. When you are there, sign the guest book. The casket, if there is one, will have a kneeling bench in front of it. All you need to do is kneel in front of the casket and reflect or pray for a moment. After that, mingle with the family as you feel comfortable. Sometimes there is a service at the funeral home the night before the funeral itself. In this case you do not need to stay, but it is a nice gesture. Just follow what everyone else does.

The funeral mass at the church will be an hour, give or take, then the procession by car to the cemetary. Sometimes there will be another short service at the gravesite itself, sometimes in a room at the cemetary, it depends on the family and the cemetary. Again, just follow what everyone else does and you will be fine.

Answer 3

You poor thing---a Catholic funeral??? That'll last at least an hour! The good news is that you will have fulfilled your excercise regimen for the day with all the repetitive standing, sitting and kneeling that takes place. You will notice alot of folks blessing themselves with holy water as they enter. Go ahead and follow their lead--a little holy water never hurt anyone but Dracula. You will notice alot of people genuflect (getting on one knee and blessing themselves) before they enter a pew. You don't have to do this. I would suggest you find the channel in your area that shows "catholic mass"--thats how it's titled--to give you an idea of what the service will be like. At funerals, the priest also blesses the coffin with insence, and some go up and down the aisle and bless the crowd with it as well. One important thing you should know is that they will serve communion, and in the Catholic religion, it is forbidden for a non-catholic to take communion. At the recent Catholic funerals I've been too, the priests are aware that many non-catholics are in attendance and briefly explain the service and that non catholics should not take communion. As for what to say/how to act, you're sincere expression of sympathy to the family for their loss is sufficient. I would suggest wearing something dark--navy blue or black. If you are going to the cemetary after the funeral for the burial service, try to wear low/flat shoes. Nothing like getting getting you're heel stuck in mud in front of a crowd of mourners! Have an umbrella in the car just in cas there is no tent provided or their are so many mourners the tent is not sufficient to hold everyone. After the burial service, the family will usually hold a reception where food and drink is served either at their home, the funeral home, or a hall. I am sorry for your loss. Just follow the crowd and you'll be fine.

Answer 4

NEVER EVER say I know how your feeling...cuz no one knows what another person is feeling and at a time like this it's something that really irritates most people. Just be there for support tell them if they need anything that they can call on you....if you mean that they really can. Also remember to check in on them in the following weeks so much of the time after the funeral peole tend to forget about the mourning family and after the funeral can sometimes be the hardest time for family and close friends.

Answer 5

Wow. Lots of long answers. I'm not going to get into the rituals, you will pretty much be guided through those during the service.

Funerals have become celebrations of life. It's ok to wear any dress clothes you want, you don't have to wear dark, somber colors. When you talk to people, talk about your memories of the person who died. That will help the people remember the person in a good light, rather than feel guilt over thier last conversatons or whatever.

Give as much moral support you can for the immediate family. It's hard to know what to say, especially if you're not a practicing Christian. Stick with, "She was a good woman," or "I'm so sorry."

Answer 6

Be silent and do a lot of listening to the family or those really close to the love one.
Express you how sorry you are for you lost.

Don't say " I know how you feel." "It will get better."

As far as going to a Catholic service just follow the lead and I am sure the priest will let you know what to do.

Answer 7

Well, obviously wear black. Start by "I'm sorry for your loss" to the family. After that, just hang around and be there for the people who need you. Funerals are for paying respect, so it's the least you can do, right?

Answer 8

Do not attempt to eat the deceased. Terrestrials never recycle their deceased relatives in this manner, and it may destroy your cover as a Meglothian.

Avoid wearing red. Most mammalian species have blood of a reddish color, and your wearing red clothing would also cause concern and perhaps blow your cover as well.

Do not bring your musical instruments to the funeral, and it would be wrong to wear your dancing footwear as dancing is rarely a part of the ceremony.

The ceremonial Ginsu knives should not be brought to the funeral, and slicing and dicing rituals are frowned upon. Leave all cutlery at home.

Try to imitate the fellow attendees as much as possible.

If you attend the burial, never attempt to dig up the deceased.

You must never join the deceased in his or her coffin. Attempts to mate with the corpse are severely frowned on in every Terrestrial culture.

Answer 9

I know when my mom died, so many people came to her service. It made me feel really good that they were just there.

Answer 10

You don`t need to know anything. Just be polite.And no it isn`t stupid.