I have a great boyfriend who I've been dating for almost 6 months. We think we love each other and we both want the relationship to last. He has many obligations and doesn't have much time to go on dates. We were friends before we started dating, so I know he has always been this busy. I knew that it was going to be like this from the moment he asked me out, but I never could've predicted that I would care so much about him. At first, he didn't seem to feel bad about not taking me out, but as our relationship has grown he has begun to feel worse,for which I blame myself. Sometimes, I get a little pushy and angry w/ him when he can't take me out, after which I feel horrible. This is partly because he and his exgirlfriend broke up because of the amount she complained about his schedule. I don't want to treat him the same way she did. What I need advice on is how to make myself feel better about the situation. I need to make it more managable because I want to stay with him.
2007-03-04 12:35:25 · 9 answers · asked by srgirl6391 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okay. I've dealt with this before.
What you need to do is not to care so much about going out as BEING WITH HIM. It sounds like he would absolutely love to take you out on dinners and spend hours with you at a time and that's cool. But his schedule won't allow it right?
So now, you need to do two things.
One. Talk with him about his schedule. He has to go shopping SOMETIME right? Do that together. Maybe church also. Think of normal things that have nothing to do with work or school that he has to do anyway and talk with him about ways you can hang out with him during those times. It sounds weird and a little invasive, but tell him that it's better than him feeling bad and you being angry.
Next, you need to put aside your own negative feelings when you guys ARE together and bring him up. LET him know that you love how he's passionate about life and how he's making a difference or something. Tell him that it's cool that his life actually matters, unlike most guys. This ALONE will make him YEARN to be with you. He'll be thinking "Wow... this girl is not like a normal girl, she's like a dream." He'll be more willing to change plans for you in the future.
It's cool. The world needs more great, understanding girls like you. If you stick in there, you'll get great rewards.
Franklin
2007-03-04 12:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find more creative ways to "spend time together" without actually going out. Here are a few suggestions:
1.) call on cell during down times. It is amazing how much difference a 5 minute phone call while walking to the car can make!
2.) set a time to IM, even for just a few minutes. If there is time, try taking advantage of the yahoo games. When I am out of town, I have a standing appointment to play around of online pool with my fiance. You can chat during the game and it is just like a date!
3.) Go the old-fashioned route and write each other letters. This is a great way to just chat and learn about each other. Ask each other a question in each letter, or maybe play a "game by mail" (on checkers move or a scrabble word at a time.) Again, a great way to get to "spend time" enjoying each other.
Above all, tell him how you feel, but also let him know that you are supportive and not wanting to make things harder. Feeling guilty will only lead to wasting whatever quality time you do get.
2007-03-04 20:51:45 · answer #2 · answered by c q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you should do is plan at least one night or afternoon together every week. Just the two of you-- no worrying about schedules or anything like that. You both need to feel like the other appreciates you and that your lives aren't dictated by work, school, etc. I know how you feel; I used to be in a similar situation myself. The most important thing is to remember that the best relationships always take a bit of work. You said you knew from the start that he was going to be busy, so you obviously decided the relationship was worth it anyway. Since he has always had a busy schedule yet decided to start a relationship with you, he must think it's worth it too. Just make a point of spending quality time together, whether you just go out for a quick lunch, make an evening of it, or just sit and watch movies together. Remember that you both think the relationship is worth it and that it's obviously worth making an effort for. Good luck!
2007-03-04 20:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it important to "go out"? Is it possibly just that you want to spend time together? Be creative. Spending time together can mean all kinds of things. Or is it that you just want to feel special? Figure out why it is important....if it is just wanting to be close that can happen through e-mails or text. There are books about intimate or relationship questions that help with a long distance talk. Then you are learning new things about each other but not pressuring him to do things he doesn't have time to do. I hope you work it out.
2007-03-04 20:43:27 · answer #4 · answered by gizbit76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be busier yourself, have girls nights. And cherish the time you do get with him, you already know he feels bad so there's no point rubbing it in. It's just about acceptance, I'm in the same thing with my man, and it seems as we get more attatched we demand more when they don't neccessarily have more to give.
So just accept it, and cherish the time you do have. Think before you speak about whats bothering you to him.
2007-03-04 20:40:48 · answer #5 · answered by texas hearts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make time for you with your friends so you don't feel so neglected and then learn to appriciate the time you do have with him
2007-03-04 20:43:22 · answer #6 · answered by savannah h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your boyfriend how you feel
2007-03-04 20:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by PrincessC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to him he will understand
2007-03-04 20:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry explanation too long
2007-03-04 20:38:46 · answer #9 · answered by toophatboy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋