Ok. There was this guy that I have like for 3 years, and after two years of talking every once in a while, I made the leap to tell him that I liked him. Now I know that he is completely straight, but he said that he was cool with it. So we talked everyonce in a while like usual. But everytime I bring up the subject, he runs away from it. I try to talk to him, but it doesn't work very well...Now that I know that nothing will ever happen, I just want to be friends with him. I would rather have him as a friend then nothing at all. So I asked him if he just wanted to be friends, but he gave me no real response. Now he doesn't even talk to me anymore. Did I really mess things up? I have been told that he doesnt want to deal with the fact that I like him and that he is stubborn, and that I should just forget about it all...What should I do? (If you want more of the story/ more detail, e-mail me letting me know and I will be sure to do so...) Pleas help me!
2007-03-04 11:56:20 · 7 answers · asked by Confused... 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
And its not that I keep brining it up that I like him. Its just that anytime I say anything about me like a guy or w/e....But it does look like I kinda scared him away...
2007-03-09 10:47:47 · update #1
It may be that he isn't ready to spend so much time with a friend who he knows likes him. When you spend time with him, try not to bring up the subject. You told him, he said he was ok with it, but nothing will happen between the two of u...for him there may be nothing more to discuss. When you bring up the subject he may be feeling guilty for not being there for you like you want him to. He knows that he hurt you, but there's nothing he can do besides be there for you as a friend. i know its hard, being only friends with him wont be the same, and seeing him with another person hurts. but if you want him to stick around you have to be there for him as a friend, just do things that you guys did together before you told him. He may be confused about how he truly feels, let him be the person to bring up the subject when he's ready. I'm really sorry sweetie. good luck.
2007-03-04 14:08:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think asking him once might not have been a problem, if he seemed okay with it at the time.
However, you say "But every time I bring up the subject, he runs away from it." why did you keep bringing it up after the first time? He might have gotten the impression that you didn't accept his "no" and where trying to push the matter...
I think you should try to have a very open conversation with him. Tell him you're sorry if you made him feel uncomfortable, that you accept his "no" and will not push the matter further, but would like to be just friends.
Then truly do drop the subject.
Hope you can save your friendship! :)
2007-03-04 20:08:31 · answer #2 · answered by Ms. S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your situation. He is doing the typical guy response of running for the hills. Most straight guys are not comfortable dealing with their emotions, and use avoidance as a tactic to solve problems. Not all do this, but most do. That's because Western Society values have taught them to rely on women to deal with the messy game of emotions (ever notice how women usually do the apologizing for their husbands?) You seem to be in touch with your emotions, but your friend obviously isn't. You're probably more mature than he is. He's sending you a clear signal he really doesn't want to deal with this issue, so I would suggest you let it drop before you hurt yourself (and him) any more.
Back off a bit, give him some time, and he might come back to you. Guys move at their own pace.
2007-03-04 20:22:44 · answer #3 · answered by roxusan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you pushed it too far. I wouldn't blame him for running the other way. You aren't going to change him just cause you've been watching him for 3 years. And how does one really have a thing for someone that they barely talk to or know?
I would really be put-off if a girl did this to me. Stop stalking him. Hope you learned your lesson.
2007-03-04 20:27:57 · answer #4 · answered by Active Denial System™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes u messed it up. He answered the Q once! By asking him several times u showed him that you did not trust his word. U badgered him and now he trust you to leave it as just friends.... It is a hard lesson. Stay cool, lie low... give it time. Wait for him to come around. If he doesn't.. well?
2007-03-09 18:32:14 · answer #5 · answered by front door 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I speak from experience. It sounds like you don't just want them to be your friend. You keep bringing it up, and now he isn't talking to you. He said no, but was cool with it, but you pushed it. I used to do the same thing, told myself I just wanted to be friends, but this is a lie, I was really just hoping he(they) would change his mind. Believe me the pain isn't worth it. Find a gay guy.
2007-03-08 18:19:34 · answer #6 · answered by presumedduggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try telling him that you are ok with a friendship with him. Hopefully, he hasn't been scared away. Tell him that you respect him as a friend and that you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.
2007-03-04 20:00:48 · answer #7 · answered by phxguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋