no longer Catholic, but Mom doesn't care. wants me to recognize godparents in ceremony...?

Question

I was raised Catholic, but have never accepted their faith and am no longer affiliated with any religion. My mother insists i provide corsages to my godparents and recognize them in the program of my non-denominational ceremony. I have never been close to my godparents, and they have never acknowledged themselves as being my godparents at any time except my baptism. To further complicate things, I do not respect or like them, and my mother knows this. My position is that this recognition would seem false/awkward/whatever. My mother feels that failing to do these two things is a slap in the face to my godparents. Should I just do it and avoid the conflict? Or is it a matter of principle?

Answer 1

In the absent of biological parents the godparents are to raise the child to legal age in the Catholic church. I know of no other legal or moral stipulation.
While I can respect your mother & her beliefs, these are not YOUR beliefs. And unless you are under the age of 21, you are now an adult woman. If anything happened to your mother, your 'godparents' wouldn't mean a thing.

The fact that you have never been close or that you don't even care for them should mean something.
It is a small request from your mother, but then you have a right to do your wedding the way you want. I wish I could give you a hard & fast answer but I can't. It is a personal decision you must make.

Answer 2

Let's go through your claim. line by line, and see what we've got:

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It's not "their faith", it's God's Church. If you reject Catholicism, so be it. Understand that this decreases your credibility right off the bat.


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That is a nice touch. I don't see anything wrong with that.


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You don't know that. You believe that, but you do not know that. While they may not have approached you as your spiritual mentor, have you thought to approach them? That's what they're there for. Perhaps they have the wisdom of knowing the fruitlessness of imparting spiritual wisdom on people when they don't want it. Have you considered that they may be waiting for you to go to them? Try it. You might be surprised. Besides, as your godparents, they may be praying for you constantly. That too is a duty of the godparent.


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Like I said, perhaps your godparents are aware of the fruitlessness of approaching you first. It is you who must go to them. What's more, it is not okay for you to dislike or hate anyone. "Love thy enemies", Jesus says.

Even if you refuse the teachings of Jesus, you cannot escape from conventional wisdom - treat people the way you would like to be treated in return.


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If they really are your godparents, where is the fallacy or "whatever"? As far as any potential awkwardness, this may be your chance to make whatever amends are necessary so that there will no longer be any awkwardness.


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She's right.


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Based on what you've said, the fact that they're Catholic and you're not does not constitute grounds for conflict. As far as "principle", that all depends on what you mean by principle. What principle do you intend to uphold? If you are a member of a non-denominational "church", what are it's principles? Or, does the fact that the church is non-denominational mean that is has has no principles?

Answer 3

I too was raised strict catholic and my parents are still devout catholics but I have strayed as I don't agree etc...

But, I have rarely seen the Godparents acknowledged in a weddding program or with corsages. I guess that if the couple had a special relationship with the Godparents and they wanted to show that then it would make sense but I have never seen that in a program. Stick to your guns unless it creates too much hassle and then just do it...no one will even notice and it's done. It seems as if your Mom is trying to make up for something by honoring them......maybe she's mad that you strayed from the faith...??? Good luck..

Answer 4

Its your wedding!!! Do what you want but if you feel you don't want to step on toes then get the corsages and maybe let them make a toast or something. Honestly though I would do what you want. I let my mother take over my wedding and I hated every bit of my wedding except the man I married. I did not want a traditional wedding and that is exactly what I had and I was miserable the whole time cuz I did not stand up for what I wanted.

Answer 5

I am practicing Catholic with a LARGE family of siblings and was married in the Church. I have never ben part of or attended a Catholic wedding ceremony that had the Godparents play any part or receive any special notice. Your mom is playing with you and I would talk to her asap with your fiance to explain to her it is not a Catholic tradition & you have other plans.

Answer 6

I think you should talk to your mother about this and explain your true feelings to her as you have here. This matter seems to be your decision and yours only. It may be even for your mothers sake here and her wishes and desires for you to do this. It seems like she is more interested in you doing this than maybe even your godparents are. It is your call here and should be, but be fore warned that is steps are not taken to honestly tell all your feelings on the matter there may be some repercussions down the road. Follow your instincts and feelings on the matter but above all lay it on the line for all. Good Luck

Answer 7

Wait.. apperantly i didnt read the whole thing before I answered first.. sorry.. Well.. having godparents now is different than it used to be.. it isnt just for catholics.. ANYWAY.. if you dont like them at all and dont want to do it, dont. But make sure it wont ruin your mothers day! Because... noone really realizes this, but its just as much the (parents) of the bride AND groom's day as it is yours. So.. try to comprimise.. I would Do it for my mother If I were in that situation.. but thats just me... :D

by the way im "non denominational" and my 7 month old has a Godmother if that helps

Answer 8

It is really a matter of class. There are times in official ceremonies when certain things are expected. An example is the outgoing Vice President presiding over the inauguration of a new President of the other party. They are political rivals who don't care much for eachother. However, it shows how much class one has. I would suggest that you acknowedge your godparents not just to avoid conflict, but to show you are one classy bride.

Answer 9

never heard of recognizing godparents at a Catholic ceremony

Sounds like Mom is trying to control the ceremony
Dont let her, or she will try to continue it WITH your marriage

Answer 10

Do what is right.

To me right in this situation is not acting falsely towards people you don't care for. As I understand it (I'm not Catholic, but I married one) the role of a godparent is someone apart from the parent who act as a spiritual leader or guide. They have not fulfilled their roles.


Good Luck!