A short story well the beginning of one what do you think?

Question

The marble ruined arches stud high on the highest peak of the heavens, thrust out from one of the arches stud part of a bridge that seemed to be hung their, but where was it going? Maybe it lay in its name the bridge of hope. Suspended nothing around and if one where to fall it would last an eternity, Yep the angles death place! not even these fine wings will help here. This horrid place. It stank with the stench of battles, The stench of every battle that ever roared both in heaven hell and that whole of a place “the earthly plain”. From every bow that was shot to every bomb that lay it’s destruction this is the place where you here the screams. It’s funny how I ended up here, at this place, the witness to the first blood shed. Look how it glows, radiant like a woman expecting her first born. there are no souls left just me dying my shoulders draped over the edge, blood oozing from neck falling for ever, and I smile. This place will not collect. Not one drop of this precious liquid will grace its cavities. Look how it cries. Cries for more, an unquenchable thirst that will starve. Starve for ever. Then I remember
Ahhhh I screamed with joy as I banged the but of my sword firmly against my gold moulded chest plate, with the design of my god firmly etched on, the eyes made with perching red blood rubies. my other hand firmly clenched in the air my knuckles baring their gold pointed studs My linen white wings out stretched for that split second in all their splendour lined with studs for inflecting the most damage I possibly could. I was positioned in the third line from the front in a Coolum that stud five thousand deep and one mile across.
Why are you so happy a voce said to my left. Happy I’m ******* ecstatic. I can see that but why? This is going to be the battle of battles, heaven is going to shake with the cry of war!
I was born and died for this moment. To stand here, and fight this glorious battle. So I say bring it on death to all who appose.
When I was alive I always knew that I was meant to do something never knowing what it was. But standing here I know, I know what my purpose was. It was always to stand here, can you knot feel it? Open your heart and know that we where all meant to stand here and fight this glorious fight, scream with joy! As your sword pierces the heart of your enemy.

i know it needs to be edited

i know it needs to be edited

Answer 1

The marble ruined arches STOOD high on the highest peak of the heavens, thrust out from one of the arches STOOD part of a bridge that seemed to HANG THERE...but where was it going? Maybe it lay in its name...'The Bridge Of Hope'. Suspended, with nothing around and if one WERE to fall it would last an eternity, Yes... the ANGELS death place! Not even these fine wings will help here. This horrid place. It stank with the stench of battles. The stench of every battle that ever roared both in heaven, hell and that whole? of a place “the earthly plain”. From every ARROW that was shot to every bomb that lay it’s destruction this is the place where you HEAR the screams.

It’s funny how I ended up here, at this place, the witness to the first blood shed. Look how THE BRIDGE glows, radiant like a woman expecting her first born. There are no souls left just me dying... my shoulders draped over the edge, blood oozing from MY neck AND falling for ever, and I smile. This place will not collect. Not one drop of this precious liquid will grace its cavities. Look how it cries. Cries for more, an unquenchable HUNGER that will starve. Starve for ever. Then I remember...

I screamed with joy as I banged the BUTT of my sword firmly against my gold moulded chest plate, with the design of my god firmly etched UPON IT. The eyes were PIERCING BLOOD RED rubies. My other hand firmly clenched in the air - my knuckles baring their gold pointed studs. My linen white wings out stretched for that split second in all their splendour lined with studs for INFLICTING the most damage I possibly could. I was positioned in the third line from the front in a COLUMN that STOOD five thousand MILES/FEET/INCHES/MM?? deep and one mile across.

"Why are you so happy?" SAID A VOICE TO MY LEFT.
"Happy? - I’m ******* ecstatic!"
" I can see that but why?"

"FOR this is going to be the Battle of Battles. Heaven is going to shake with the cry of war!"

I was born and died AND WERE RESURRECTED IN THIS FORM for this moment. To stand here, and fight this glorious battle. So I say "Bring it on AND DEATH to all who OPPOSE"
.
When I was alive I always knew that I was meant to do something never knowing what it was. But standing here I know...I know what my purpose IS. It was always to stand here, can you NOT feel it? Open your heart and know that we WERE all meant to stand here and fight this glorious fight...scream with joy as your sword pierces the heart of your enemy....

'Thirsts don't 'Starve' and you don't shoot Bows...you shoot arrows...

Next installment as soon as possible please - I am hooked. I want to know what happend to our intrepid Angel.

Answer 2

I believe that time had not beginning nor did God, he is all energy and All will and since energy cant be created or destroyed he always was always is and always will be. Anyways, God got bored and decided to create the universe as in Genesis, but a day is a lot longer that 24 hours, passing of day and night, however long or short.

Answer 3

I found it interesting. Never mind those picking at typos they can be corrected.

Write for the love of it, and if money comes, all the better!

--That Cheeky Lad

Answer 4

i really really like it. i think you need to fix your spelling and punctuation, but i'm sure you know that yourself. and only personal taste but i find a lot of the language unnecessarily flowery. sometimes less is more, you know?
but i do like it. i love the idea, and the final section made me go cold.
good work :)

Answer 5

Don't give up the day job just yet ....

"Gold moulded" doesn't work

Spelling is useless; punctuation not much better

Answer 6

Its 00:20, u expect me 2 read all that. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ

Answer 7

very descriptive but needs editing

Answer 8

Stud is spelled stood and coolum is spelled column.

Answer 9

Interesting...but you seriously need an editor.

Answer 10

Nice writing...very descriptive....but couldn't you pick a happier tone....