my dad was diagnosed with cancer 3 wks ago,trying to be strong 4 my mum and daughter who idolises him?

Question

but im heartbroken and trying to hide it.my husband has ben gr8 but all i want 2 do is cry and i cant.my son keeps asking 4 grandad but hes nearly 3 and doesnt understand,its killing me any advice?theres no hope 4 my dad and i dont know what to do,im worrid 4 my mum,shes too calm

Answer 1

All i can say to you and that's be strong and spend as much time as you can with your dad , You dad doesn't want you to feel bad . . . . . . . your doing the right thing being open about this on the net to people , and I'm sure there are others who could share some light on the matter..................................................................

Life can brings all sorts of nasty and bad things to us , all we can do is learn to deal with it the best way possible ,

Just spend as much time as you can with your dad . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I hope things get better for you , But remember if you even need anyone to talk to , you can talk to me and many others on here about this and we will try are best to make things better , God bless your Dad and i hope things get better for you .

Answer 2

I'm really sorry to hear this, my father was diagnosed with a terminal cancer when I was 15 so I know what you're going through.

You mother is dealing with things in her own way and that's why she's being calm, it's just her way. Be aware though that it won't last and you're going to need each other so for now take a step back, don't push her but be ready for when she needs you.

You husband is the best person to help you through this so don't hide anything, cry when you need to cry and talk when you need to talk, it's really not good for you to bottle things up.

As for your son I haven't got any hands on experience in how to deal with things but would be as honest with him as you can, obviously he's 3 so he doesn't need to know all details. I would just say something like Grandad isn't very well and needs rest.

Hang in there.

Answer 3

Some people put on a strong front for other people, this is probably what your mom is doing. Are you positive that there is no hope for your dad? I am not trying to give you false hope but do more research and encourage your mom to take him to other doctors for more opinions. All you can do is make sure. If there really is no hope look into hospice care. They can help your dad deal with this and also help family members cope. Tell your son that grandpa isn't feeling good right now, but I suggest that you let him see him and also take a few pictures of them together so that he will have those memories to look back on. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Try prayer if you are religious.

Answer 4

Everyone deals with things differently. I agree with the person that answered earlier that your mum may just be numb and she will deal with it later.

Check this website out it may help http://www.hospicenet.org/html/younger.html

I took my 4 yr old son to see my grandmother in the hospital a day or two before she died. I did it for her. I didn't allow him to stay long (like 10 minutes maybe), and did my best to prepare him before he saw her. I didn't tell him she was about to die. I just said, "she is very sick and she needs you to be real quiet. And she has some tubes in her nose, they are just helping her to breathe better, but don't be scared of the tubes it's still Big Grandma - she's just sick."

There will be TONS of questions. Answer them as best you can. After my grandmother died, I couldn't decide to take him to the funeral or not. So I told him that I was going to the funeral home because Big Grandma died and went to heaven to be with Jesus. I told him she wasn't here anymore and she isn't sick anymore, but that the funeral home was where her OLD body was and we were going to see her OLD body and that as soon as she died she went to heaven and got a NEW body because this one was OLD and it didn't work good anymore.

If your father doesn't have long and you know it, spend every minute you can with him. Do not feel like you are neglecting your family. I'm sure your husband will understand. Maybe your in-laws can help you by letting your daughter spend some time with them. If you could have someone else take care of your daughter a few days, it won't be on her mind and she won't have as many questions at the moment - that I know you don't feel like answering. Don't hide your emotions. Grieving is good.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. You are with me in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news.
You must spend as much time with your Dad as possible.
If I was you I would make a video diary for your son for the future so that he will be able to see what a fantastic Grandad he had.
You must make the time you have left with your Dad the happiest possibly can, even though you don't feel like being happy. Your Dad will not want to see you all upset.
I wish you well for the furture.

Answer 6

Everyone deals with sickness and death differently. As far as your mom being to calm ...She is probably doing the same thing your doing for your daughter. Protecting you. The funny thing is why do people feel like they need to protect everyone from sickness and death. It is an important time to be honest. My father was sick for 16 years and my mom let me deal with all of it and when I had children ........ They got to see everything that was happening with my dad. When he died it just killed me and my kids as well, but letting them cry and miss there grand dad was very healthy. I always let my children know that no matter what, when you love someone, That love never dies, You carry every moment with you. I have to say losing a parent is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. you will be in my prayers.If there is anything I can give you from my own experience it would be that everything happens for a reason even sickness. The reason for your fathers sickness will reveal its self to you in time. For instance, had my father not gotten sick I would not have written anything back to you because I would not have gone through what god intended me to go through. I am answering you now because I know you have strength to deal with this. Be strong sweetheart , and have faith. god Bless.

Answer 7

I so feel your pain right now. My dad was diagnosed with lung and throat cancer in FEB. of 06. I didn't show any emotion. I had a lot going through my mind. My dad went on chemo but that only made him even worse than he already was. He was admited to the hospital twice. the 1st time was right after a chemo treatment. the 2nd time he was so sick and throwing up blood. When he went in the 2nd time the Dr. had planned for him to go home on Sat. (he was admitted on a tues) Well we got the call Fri. night saying he had died. I was kicking myself for a long time after. Because I was right there in the same town he was in (at the hospital) I was right there and DID NOT stop to see him. I wrote him leters. Asking him to write me a letter to open on my wedding day. One for my brother to open on his 21's birthday. adn One for my niece Lia (who was not born yet) And 1 asking about family story's he rememberd. I never got to give it to him. I assumed I had more time.


So My advice to you is to spend as much time as possible with you dad. ask him questions about family. or when he was growing up. Have him write or get someone to write for him a letter to you, your mom, your kids and your husband. I would Not attempt to hide this from your nearly 3 year old. Just tell him grandpa is sick. leave it at that. I'm sure he has been sick at one time or another. he should understand. Have your son draw him a picture to help cheer your dad up.

I started making a memory album. I haven't got very far. but i have learnt a lot about my dad and his life form this album.


I know this is so hard to deal with. But you will get through it. You will feel this way for a while after your dad passes away. If you ever feel like you need to talk send me an email or a text message. i am always on yahoo messenger and check my email about 10 times a day. I've been through this with my dad. Every holiday, every b-day is going to be hard. But you will pull through this.


Now I have a grandpa (my dad's dad) who has been taken off his chemo treatment. So Now it's just a waiting game.

Answer 8

Firstly you need to surround yourself with people that will support YOU so that so can carry the burden of propping your mam up during however long your dad has left.
Find out all you can about the type of cancer your dad has, where it is and how you can make your dads time left more bearable.
Try to talk openly with your dad about dying and how it will affect you all, find out how he feels about leaving you,perhaps his answers will make things easier for your mam.
You say there is no hope for your dad so use this time to right any wrongs and tie loose ends up - you will regret it if you dont.
Although I feel for your mam as she is losing her husband, YOU are losing your DAD and you are allowed to show your heartbreak.
Talk to the oncologist ( cancer doctor ) and ask what you can expect to happen to your dad so you are prepared.
Kind regards
Minx

Answer 9

april 1st will be exactly one year since my dad died from cancer,he was in the hospice room at the va hospital 8 weeks before he died,my mom stayed with him day and nite,me and my other three siblings altered nites.we held his hand the nite he died,it was the horriblist experience and hardest of my life.trust me,when it finally ends,your mom will do her share of grieving.you will find plenty of time to cry,i still do it often.and my grandbaby was his world,she asked about papa eveyday,its hard to explain to them,they dont understand,she did get to go to the room and see him before he got so bad that he didnt remember anyone.tell him that he went home with jesus,and try to answer the best you can,i truely feel for you and your family.i cant tell you its easy,because it isnt,but you learn to cope and go on,but it never gets easier,i miss my dad eveyday.im so sorry and will say a prayer for your family.god bless each and everyone of you.i dont know what type of cancer your dad has,but mine fought it for 2 years after he found out.so hopefully you will still have some time.i hope you do.

Answer 10

i nursed my mum for 5 years. my little girl was only 3 at the time i helped put together a picture album of her gran i feel that helped. but i know you feel you need to be strong, so did i, but if you need time for a cry make sure you do it. i understand its a hard time. i also had a group at the hospice i went to once a week, its really for time out. both you and your mum could go. try and find out if there is something in your area, they really can help.

xxxx