Husband has expressed he does not want to be in the delivery room?

Question

when I am in labor. I am offended, I want to share the experience with him. He says that men were not commonly in the delivery room until the past few decades. He is old-fashioned and has a weak stomach. Do I have a right to be offended, should I try to convince him?

Answer 1

That sounds like a cop out. Not everything was great in the 50s, and men banished to the waiting rooms was one of the problems.

Tell him how you feel and that you will need his support. Taking birthing classes with you, discussing his concerns with the doctor, and maybe bringing a doula along (who can also support him) are all things that should alay his fears. If he truly has a weak stomach, I'm sure they can arrange so that he will be focused on you and your face while he holds your hand and talks to you.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Not all men are cut out for the delivery room. I know its very wonderful to have your spouse sharing that special moment, but it is best to have the mom in good spirits. If he gets upset, it may only upset you. Don't be offended. Some men just can't handle it very well. It is a very emotional time.

But maybe what you could do is make a nice calming video of you two together walking and telling each other how much you care. He can support you via video. He can do a little pep talk, telling you to hang in there and that you are the best. Whatever you would want him to say in the delivery room have him say it in the video.

And I would have him on standby. The minute the baby is out, let him come in and share that first moment of bonding. Don't be concerned about his fears or hesitations. Just do the best you can to make it a shared moment.

P.S. Some men feel absolutely helpless when they know their wife is in pain. Keep that in mind.

And Moonrose is right, this is no beauty moment, either.

Answer 3

Whether you have the right or not to be offended really doesn't matter because you feel the way you feel. My husband was not in the delivery room when my first child was born, he was a patient at the hospital at that time too. He, like your husband, also has a weak stomach. If your husband really doesn't want to go in then I wouldn't force him. I would express to him though that you really want him there not only to share the experience with you but for his support. Mine did come in with our second and having him there beside me to hold his hand made me feel like yes we really did this together. I hope he changes his mind because there really is nothing comparable to having the 2 people who created this life together be together when he or she enters the world. Good luck

Answer 4

Before you push him...look into getting a 'labor doula' this is a woman who will be with you from the first pain all the way through to the end...knowing that you will have MORE support during labor than just him may help him feel better about the whole thing...it gives him a 'fall back' and the labor doula can help him with constructive thinsg he can do to make you feel better...remember...its not all dleivery, theres plenty of labor involved here....he really needs to be a part of that at least...and if during the pushing phase...he needs to go hide somewhere ....that can be decided at the last minute....it was hospital policy...not women ...who kept men out of the delivery room!

Answer 5

I would be beyond offended. However, I also wouldn't want him in there if he didn't want to be. Find a supportive family member or best friend to help you through this.

I would make certain he knew that you are the one going through pain and discomfort not just for the delivery, but for nine months and the least he could do is hold your hand! Unlike Arcanum, I think it IS all about you in that delivery room! Arcanum has to be a man:>)

Additionally, if he is that old-fashioned and disconnected from this experience, I would have a serious talk about parenting roles and expectations before the baby arrives so you are not surprised or disappointed.

Answer 6

I would be a bit upset. My husband felt the same way, he was so scared. He has a real weak stomach too. When it came down to our firts child, natural birth he at firts stayed across the room until i was ready to push. He helped me held my hand helped me breath and watched the entire birth. he tells everyone that it was the best experience of his life. He had tears and he was right there watching every second. He always tells his friends how awsesome it is to see your child born from the women that you love. Our second was c-section. I think he was more upset than me because he wouldnt get to see another birth. he stayed with me too, but was not premitted to watch, but he still loved it anyway. I would tell our husband just to try, he really will regret not seeing the birth of his child. Plus he'll have som much more respect for you. My husband now realizes that he could never go through what women do to have children. Tell him if he won't do it for you then do it for your child. My husband was the first to hold both of our kids and he'll never forget thoes two days in his life.
Robin

Answer 7

Well, maybe he's just uncomfortable with the whole, delivery, blood, holy crap what the hell is that coming out of my wife thing. I'm sure he'd love to be there for moral support, but maybe like he said he has a weak stomach and wouldn't be much of a help in there. Try talking to him and if he's set on not being there, then I suggest not pushing the subject

Answer 8

My son-in-law passed out in the delivery room. If he is queasy like John was you don't want him in there upsetting you when you have work to do. Will your mother go with you? I went with my daughter and I have such a special place in my heart for the babies I helped into the world. He is right about previous generations not being in there and in a way I can see it. If you want him to see you at your worst that will be it. Several gross things happen in there like loosing the rest of your bowel contents and lots of out of shape sights and blood. Wet your hair down, and stand in front of the mirror and use every muscle you have to push and see how bug eyed and ugly you look. Really! I've heard that some men really have a problem seeing that as a sexy part of the body for awhile and not being able to be up to it if you get my drift. Another woman who has had a baby will be a great labor coach as they have so much empathy for you. Most women hate their husbands about half way though anyway for getting them into this like it was all his fault. LOL Men talk to their friends and he may have heard about things he knows he is not going to be able to handle. Men are really such babies anyway. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 9

I don't know about "offended", but you should be somewhat upset. I think you should tell your husband that being a couple is all about being a team, through anything. Besides, this should be a very special time for both of you. Thus, I think you should try to at least approach him and talk to him about it again. If he still won't go in with you, don't feel too bad about it. I'm sure he loves you, but just doesn't like the sight of blood.

Answer 10

My husband was in the operating room for both my c-sections, and I'm amazed he stayed upright. My brother did not want to be in the delivery room for the birth of his son. My nephew was breech, so my SIL had to have a section. My brother stayed at her head the entire time, and didn't see the baby until they cleaned him up and brought him around. Maybe see if he will stay at your head so he doesn't have to view anything he doesn't want to. If not, then try to respect his decision, and feel bad for him that he is willing to miss this once in a lifetime experience.