I am seeing a girl who to be honest, I am not that keen on, she is just not for me. We both have completly opposite views on life. But I have found out today I have got her pregnant, she is only (we think) 3 weeks in. I will not deseetr her now, and dont get me wrong she is a nice girl and she treats me so well. but she was stuck in a loveless marriage for 12 years and she has had no life of her own. She has no kids yet and this one if it goes the full term will be her first.
What do i do? please dont just slag me off, I need constructive help, Like i said I do like her but she just bores me soooo much!!
I know that sounds horrible but she has never had the life i have had, I am used to going out and having a drink and she is not
2007-03-04 10:16:48 · 20 answers · asked by Paul C 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oh Paulie!!!what a lovely mess you're in! well ok - whislt you sound like a good guy in that you're not going to desert her - I think you need to chat to her about the relationship - tell her that you feel you two are not compatible and that you dont see it going longterm due to the fact that you guys are so different! However let her know that you are willing to help out with the baby and give her whatever support she needs - but more as a friend than as a lover. But then on the flipside - is that the only thing that bores you? THe fact that shes not a drinker - I mean you can always bring her out with you!!! Obviously she wont be getting pissed being pregnant and all that - but theres nothing to stop you livening her up a bit!!
xx
2007-03-04 22:53:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
O.K. and I will be constructive (very) Well a loveless marriage is not what she needs for you either, But this child will need your love and the mother will need your help. If you can't give her love, give her friendship. You know if you would have known her better before BOTH of you had sex you might would have known she was boring But i guess the sex wasn't boring. I don't mean to bust your chops. It took both of you to get her pregnant. Oh yes and just because she don't like going out to have a drink don't mean she is boring. Hey it my mean she is a good women. Just be good and help her how ever you can. This child can be a real blessing and more fun then you could ever fined having a drink. I should know I've got THREE......... 20 ,17 & 5 be apart of its life you will never regret it. If you can have a good positive relationship with the mom you all will have a well rounded happy child. That will love you forever.
2007-03-04 18:52:34 · answer #2 · answered by sandy.d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she has been in a marriage for 12 years, I can hardly believe that she is a girl. So you are involved with a woman who has been in a loveless marriage before and she never had a child in her twelve year marriage. If you get someone pregnant it isn't necessarily you fault, you can offer her some sort of support if she decided to have the baby, but you don't have to feel committed to her, because if the relationship is going nowhere, it maybe better for you both to go your own way. The lady in question maybe just happy to have a child, so don't deprive her of that, and perhaps you can take turns on looking after the child, but you can come to some agreement that you are available to get involved in other relationships, she maybe happy with that if she feels that there is no future in your relationship. You can explain that you both don't have anything in common and that if she wishes to have the child you can help her out by taking the child out and giving a bit of money towards child care, which I think is fare as the child is half yours, but you have no obligation to stay with the mother, there is no stigma attached to single mothers these days, and children are often happier if they are with just one parent, than with two who do not get on. You are doing the lady in question a favour by telling her this, because if you tell her that there is no future in your relationship she is available to meet other men who are maybe more compatible with her and will love her which is what you can not give her, and someone else maybe can.
2007-03-04 20:17:46 · answer #3 · answered by mellouckili 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just be honest with her. Explain to her that you whilst you think she is a great person, you just don't see a future in the relationship. Assure her that you will be there to support her with whatever decision she makes about the baby, but just be clear you no longer want a relationship with her. It's better to do it now, then having been stuck in a 'loveless' relationship for years, which by that time could possibly involve the child. Good luck!
2007-03-04 18:22:40 · answer #4 · answered by Danru 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She could not of bored you that much and you were KEEN enough to be in this position. To be honest with you I hope she is not pregnant so you are not tied to her and mostly so she is not left with some one who emmmmmm had sex with her because they were bored!!! Sorry don't want to be tough but grow up sex is not a game it is as you may find out a life changing experience. As you say it will be her first child what ashame!!! you are already bored what her how lucky is the child with the em mm responsible but bored father.
2007-03-04 19:10:18 · answer #5 · answered by tink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, and Im not being critical but precautions spring to mind. Also as nice as you say she is, there is a lot of baggage as well. I commend you wanting to "not desert her", but looking ahead I think you are going to end up resenting her and your situation especially as you like going out. If its not right now it never will be and a baby can make the differences a lot bigger. Be honest, tell her how you feel, and offer support in the future. Sorry I cant be more optimistic but wish you luck
2007-03-05 08:09:20 · answer #6 · answered by runningbabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, don't get involved with her in a committed relationship. Be honest with her. Tell her you will be there for the baby and mean it. See her through her pregnancy, the birth of your child, and stay in the child's life. Be friends with the child's mother but nothing more. It will not do either of you any good, if you "do the right thing" and marry her for the baby's sake. It does not work. Good Luck.
2007-03-04 18:29:12 · answer #7 · answered by wheresthevowels 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not about to "slag you off" but if you're not that keen on her,why did you get her pregnant? Assuming you are the father..You don't have to stay with her but you have already committed yourself to responsibility for the child. You must have known before you indulged,that she was not for you..Don't make the woman anymore unhappy than she has already been. If you don't love her then tell her so but offer your support as best you can..
2007-03-04 18:27:38 · answer #8 · answered by trish b 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
time to grow up and take responsibility. If you don't love her, tell her you can't stay with her, but that u will be there for the child and u will contribute to his/her upbringing. Make sure you do tell her that you don't want to be together though, or else you will not be happy, and she will be in annother loveless relationship, which she doesn't need. Best all round to be honest or it will end in tears.
2007-03-05 08:48:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she want to keep the child? Does she know how you feel? It would be a disaster if you were to carry on this relationship for the sake of a child - this would make 3 unhappy people! Be honest with her - you cant be with her.
If she keeps the baby, be there for the child.
2007-03-04 18:24:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋