whats the funniest joke u ever heard?

Question

tell it!

Answer 1

Q. What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a golden retriever?

A. You get a dog that will rip your leg off... and then bring it back to you.

Answer 2

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Answer 3

NO OFFENCE TO WOMEN!!!!
women are getting to be fire-fighters more and more. because of this, every time there is a fire in the neighborhood men go to the site of the fire to watch the hos(hose)go up the ladder.

my wife and i were driving down the road, and we came across a deer crossing sign. she asks me, honey, why do they put up those signs, deer can't read. i replied, no but they do recognize pictures of themselves. Here's your sign.

i was getting ready to check out at a store one time. a lady asked the cashier what time midnight mass started on chirstmas eve. in the holiday spirit i said Here's Your Sign.

If your wife's work uniform has no top. you might be a redneck.

lastly, when i first heard that anna nicole smith died, i asked what the rest of the joke was.

Answer 4

whats blue and white and swings through the jungle?

a fridge wearing a denim jacket!

Answer 5

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm??????? oh yea y do cows wear bells




b cuz there horns dont work LOL

Answer 6

whats better than winning a gold medal at the dissabled olympics??????










Walking..

Answer 7

**************************BEST ANSWER HERE*******************
(Yo Momma Jokes)

Hope you like, thanks for reading this-and enjoy!

Yo momma's so dumb and poor that when I came over for dinner she read me recipes

Yo momma's so dumb at bottom of application where it says Sign Here she put Sagitarius

Yo momma's so dumb she got a part time job painting skittles

Yo momma's so dumb her brain cells are on the endangered species list

Yo momma's so dumb her brain cells die ALONE

Yo momma's so dumb her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box

Yo momma's so dumb her latest invention was a glass hammer

Yo momma's so dumb her shoes say TGIF - toes go in front

Yo momma's so dumb I asked her do tricks for me and she wagged her tail


Yo momma's so dumb I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side

Yo momma's so dumb I put a ScratchNSniff sticker on the bottom of the pool and she drowned

Yo momma's so dumb I said give me a quarterback and she gave me Dan Marino

Yo momma's so dumb I said it was chilli outside and she ran in and got a bowl

Yo momma's so dumb I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon

Yo momma's so dumb I saw her jumping up and down asked what she was doing and she said she drank a bottle of medicine and forgot to shake it

Yo momma's so dumb I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope asked what she was doing and she said sending a voice mail

Yo momma's so dumb I taught her how to do the running man and I havent seen her since


Yo momma's so dumb I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it

Yo momma's so dumb I told her drinks were on the house so she went and got a ladder

Yo momma's so dumb I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart

Yo momma's so dumb if brains were dynamite she wouldnt have enough to blow her nose

Yo momma's so dumb if brains were gas she wouldnt have enough to power a fleamobile around the inside of a Froot Loop

Yo momma's so dumb if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change

Yo momma's so dumb if you gave her a penny for her thoughts you'd get change

Yo momma's so dumb instead of taking 4 bus she took the 2 bus twice

Yo momma's so dumb it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg

Yo momma's so dumb it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch

Yo momma's so dumb it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hour virus

Yo momma's so dumb it takes 2 of her to listen to music

Yo momma's so dumb it takes 2 of her to watch tv

Yo momma's so dumb it takes 4 of her to screw in a light bulb

Yo momma's so dumb it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes

Yo momma's so dumb it takes her 4 hours to watch a 1 hour movie

Yo momma's so dumb it takes her an hour to cook minute rice

Yo momma's so dumb it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles

Yo momma's so dumb on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911

Yo momma's so dumb people were askin her for crack and she bent over and said here

Yo momma's so dumb she actually thinks these jokes are funny

Yo momma's so dumb she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken

Yo momma's so dumb she asked for help to use Hamburger Helper

Yo momma's so dumb she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said Guess so she said Levis

Yo momma's so dumb she asked me what yield meant I said Slow down and she said What does yield mean?

Yo momma's so dumb she asked me whats that letter after X and I said Y she said Cause I want to know

Yo momma's so dumb she asked me Whats the number for 911?

Yo momma's so dumb she asked what time is the 12:00 lunch

Yo momma's so dumb she bought a solarpowered flashlight

Yo momma's so dumb she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home

Yo momma's so dumb she brought a cup to the movie Juice

Yo momma's so dumb she brought a doughnut back to tha shop cause it had a hole in it

Yo momma's so dumb she called Dan Quayle for a spell check

Yo momma's so dumb she called the 7-11 store to see when they closed

Yo momma's so dumb she called the cocaine hotline to order some

Yo momma's so dumb she can't even spell acronyms correctly

Yo momma's so dumb she can't find her own house

Yo momma's so dumb she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box

Yo momma's so dumb she can't pass a drunk test when she is not even drunk

Yo momma's so dumb she can't tie her own shoe

Yo momma's so dumb she chases parked cars

Yo momma's so dumb she climbed a chain link fence to see what was on the other side

Yo momma's so dumb she cooked her own complimentary breakfast

Yo momma's so dumb she cooks Indian curry with Old Spice

Yo momma's so dumb she could not get into the first grade

Yo momma's so dumb she couldn't read an audio book

Yo momma's so dumb she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses

Yo momma's so dumb she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the 11 button in 911

Yo momma's so dumb she died boiling water in the toaster

Yo momma's so dumb she does not know what she is talking
about

Yo momma's so dumb she forgets to pick you up at school

Yo momma's so dumb she forgets what she is thinking before she even think of it

Yo momma's so dumb she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W&Ws

Yo momma's so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged

Yo momma's so dumb she got locked in a bathroom and wet her pants

Yo momma's so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved

Yo momma's so dumb she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor

Yo momma's so dumb she got locked out of a convertible car with the top down

Yo momma's so dumb she got on an elevator and thought it was a mobile home

Yo momma's so dumb she got on her knees to drink her Nehi peach drink

Yo momma's so dumb she got shot running the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial

Yo momma's so dumb she got stabbed in a shoot out

Yo momma's so dumb she had surgery on her butt and the doctor removed her brain

Yo momma's so dumb she has 1 toe and bought a pair of flip flops

Yo momma's so dumb she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper

Yo momma's so dumb she has to use her fingers for 1 + 1!

Yo momma's so dumb she invented a wheelchair with pedals!