What should I do about my step mother and her attitude?

Question

I have a 2 year old daughter and a newborn daughter. I live one state and my step mom and my father live in another. My step mother keeps trying to control how I raise my children. We decided to go and visit them since my father kept asking. I live with my boyffriend and we both work and live in a house and are both still in school so don't even judge me. Anyway every outfit I pick out she says is "inappropriate and picks out something else. She tries to force us to come to church and says how I should start wearing skirts. I hardly ever wear skirts. She says we need to stop having sex because we are not married. I also just found out she wants to take custody of my children because I am a "sinner" and am an unfit mother. My daughter was wearing this cute shirt that said. "Angel when your looking other when your not" and she said it was unacceptable. She came into my house which is a three bedroom and 2 bathroom and said it was disgusting IT WAS SPOTLESS. How do I deal with this?

ALSO PLEASE READ THIS!!

I gave my daughter two swats on the butt and she started talking about how wrong spanking is. She has kids of her own who she is way to overprotective of but I do not say anything about it because it is not my place. I let my daughter do a little rough play and get dirty. She had ridiculous rules and is an EXTREME christian and is EXTRMELY over protective she talked about how I should not drive my kids by myself because I am a teen etc etc.

Also she keeps trying to get me to become vegetarian and give up fur. I really want to visit my dad and my old home but she drives me up the wall. How do I flat out tell her I willl not put up with it anymore?g

Woops I have a 1 year old not 2 year old lol

Answer 1

Next time your dad wants to see you, invite him to come to YOUR house..ALONE...

Answer 2

I had my son when I was 17, and I got a lot of attitude from my great aunt, who raised me. We lived about 2 hours from them, and everytime we would visit, I got to hear about how I was doing it wrong, her way was better, I didn't know anything about taking care of a baby, etc. At first it hurt my feelings that she thought everything I did was wrong, but after a while I just ignored her--I heard what she was telling me, but I preferred to do things my way. I made mistakes, and I had to learn by error sometimes, but it always turned out ok. The more you reject your step moms ways, the more she will probably try to push them on you. Explain to her that you have your own life and since she's not supporting you in any way, she really has very little say in what goes on. Tell her that while you had your daughter young, you are not in the place that a lot of other teen mothers are--alone, jobless, and dependant on others. She should be proud of you for taking control of your life and your childrens' life. As far as spanking, I got a lot worse than a couple of swats on the butt when I was growing up! But my aunt pulled the same thing on me when I popped my son's butt--with my hand, twice--in front of her--CPS, she'll take them away from me, etc. I let her know very quickly that if she ever tried something like that she would not see my kids. Your stepmother sounds like a fanatic. Remind her that it does say in the Bible--"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Tell your father that while you love coming to visit him and your old house, you won't put up with the way your stepmother treats you, and you won't let your kids see someone treat their mother like that. Good luck and congratulations on rising above the stereotype that so many have about teenage mothers.

Answer 3

Well...you see you are younger and she has decided she knows better than you, doesn't approve of anything you do, and is determined to tell you how....probably would take control if she could.

I would be concerned and stay clear away from living near her....not a good idea...and could cause you some real problems.

Everything she says is not necessarily wrong...but she is not the mother of your kids...and she is not you...nor does she have any authority over you....and she is not going to leave you alone when you are right there.....you have to keep the distance you had in the first place....2 state sounds about right with an occasional visit.

She will eventually influence your children if you allow her to.....you are in charge of your home...just let her know she is not welcome if that is how she is going to treat you...and your boyfriend needs to back you up, not her.

So my advice is ...back off...she is trouble, even though she probably thinks she is doing the right thing.

Just tell her you have had it!

Answer 4

For starters, I want you to pat your self and your boyfriend on the back. It is far from easy to be in your place. I know I've been there. As for the very "Christian" I hate to break it you but she sounds anything but Christian. Christ him self said do not pass judgment (judge not lest ye be judged.) The Bible says that people shouldn't have sex unless they're married, however doing so does not make you in any way an unfit mother. Nor does spanking your child. The Bible says if you love your children spank them when they need it. Don't let her get to you. You are both doing a great job.

Answer 5

First, don't get to worked up. Do you abuse your children? Do you provide them with a warm safe place to live? Do they have clothes on their backs? Do they have a hot meal or even a cold meal (sorry forgot about cereal and such)? It takes a lot to take a child out of their homes and away from their parents. You can not lose your children cause of being a sinner. LOL, sweetie, we are all sinners.If she bothers, talk with your father about what is going on. explain to him that you are not comfortable with what is happening and in till she can accept the fact that you are a grown woman and can handle your own family, you will not be going to their home. Does she have children of her own? Just explain to her as an adult and leave it at that. You know what kind of a mother you really are. Understand, people are going to talk about you, there is no stopping. What matters is how you respond.

Answer 6

You live in another state. So just deal with her for your father. I don't think you are a bad mother. Yea you are shacking but one sin isn't greater than the other. Everyone sins so believe me she is a sinner as well. You raise your kids the way to want just make sure its a good way. You don't have to be her you are your own person. She isn't to much of a christian looking down on you instead of giving you advice in a good way. I would just ignore her the little time I visit my father.

Answer 7

Let her know that your children are yours and you will raise them as you see fit since you are the mother. If you make a mistake so what all parents do. Tell her that it is absolutely none of her business and to butt out or she won't see the children at all. You are the boss not her, you are the mother not her. If you want to see you dad then discuss these issues with him and see if he is any help. If not then tell your dad that you want to see him but you won't allow the woman he is married to to dictate what you do in your home with your children any longer and if he wants to see you and his grandchildren he will have to come without her. Also as far as her being a christian, you need to let her know that Christians do not judge other that we leave that up to Jesus who is the Judge not her. "Judge not least you be judged". If all that does not work tell her in no uncertain terms to back off or else. Good luck

Answer 8

You need to put your foot down and stomp it hard. If you have 2 kids, work and have your own home, then it sounds like you are responsible. Sit down and talk it out with her and Daddy, like adults. SHe just likes to get you all tore up it sounds like.Don't worry about what she thinks. 1st of all, the Bible says spare the rod and spoil the child, so the next time she starts preaching tell her to get her Bible and read it and know what she is talking about. I am a christian with 3 boys, and if they are mean or act out, you bet they get their butt tore up. Let you kids go out and play and have fun, they are only kids once. She is not your mother. She needs to understand that you will respect her when she respects you. You take care of your life the way you are comfortable. Just don't do nothing a mother shouldn't do. It sounds like you got it together so keep doing what you are doing. If she doesn't like your decisions, tell her she needs to be glad that she don't have to live with them. You are an adult. Good luck, and don't let her drive you away from your dad. You need him and so do your babies.

Answer 9

sounds like this woman has convinced herself that her way of doing things is the right way and no matter what you do she will not change. I feel sorry for you cause you will probably be with your bf forever and will have to put up with this ridicule. If it were me, I would probably lose my temper and say lots of things to her that I would later regret. But on the other hand, it may just show her you are not going to stand by and take her abuse. Lots of devout christian women have this personality flaw and the older they get the worse they get. Talk it over with your bf and if he is all right with you putting her in her place, then give it a shot. She may not speak to you for a while. But she should love the children enough to come around. I have never heard of having your kids taken away because of "sinning", but if these women had their way, it would be the first amendment to the constitution.

Answer 10

Well I'm a Christian, but I certainly don't think that your stepmother would be a better parent than you are. After all God gave your children to YOU not to her. He doesn't make mistakes.

I would just ignore her and go on with what you were doing. Or say "Thanks for the input, but we feel this shirt is just fine." She's just got a critical spirit and needs to take the log out of her own eye before she tries to tell you what you need to you. All Christians are just sinners saved by grace.

Answer 11

Your step mother sounds like the ultimate control freak. Add to that her uberChristianity (funny how some 'christians' act, isn't it?) and you have a double whammy. Was your father around when she was acting that way? He should have stepped in and gently told her to back off.

It sounds as though you are going to have to be the mature one in this situation. Although you're only a teen, you have 2 kids and are being mature enough to support them and continue with school. You must be ambitious and intelligent (despite some of your decisions, which who am I to judge??). Although you would like to go back to your old home and visit your dad, that's something you may have to put off for awhile. Don't consider that she's won in succeeding to keep you away from your old home and your dad, rather that you've made a decision to be in a healthier environment for your and your kids' sakes.

Sometimes the best way to handle people like that is to just smile and say "we're doing great and are happy with our outfits/life/way of life/each other." It's possible you aren't going to change her, you can't control how she acts; but you can control how you respond to her.

Hopefully in the future you can talk with your dad and let him know exactly how you feel, that you would love to see him but that you don't like how his wife speaks to and about you. He's an adult and should be able to defuse that situation; you need to let him know that you would like his help in that regard.

Good luck and just keep doing what you're doing. You'll never please the hypercritical people in the world, so just be sure to do the best you can for yourself and those you love.