Should I complain to the Bride?

Question

So I am in a wedding coming up in May and was wondering if I should complain to the bride about the accessories to the dress. Here is the dress:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=2812&prodgroup=110

She has us wearing the Hyacinth color. The shoes look a little different but they are open toed. The big problem is that she wants us to wear white pantyhose with the dress. I just worry about that color combination, the discomfort of pantyhoses and having to wear open toed shoes.

I know she is the boss and she has everything picked out but I was wondering what I can do. Any suggestions? Should I pick a different color?

Answer 1

It sucks, but you have to wear what she wants you to wear. I can't understand why she would want you to wear white tights in general, but even moreso, why white with open toed shoes? If this is what she wants, unfortunately it's what you have to wear.

You can say something to her along the lines of "I'm afraid we'll be too hot in stockings at the wedding, would you consider letting us choose if we want to wear white pantyhose or not?" If she still doesn't budge or doesn't reconsider, then you should wear the pantyhose for the ceremony and photos, but take them off for the reception so you're comfortable.

Have you talked to any of the other bridesmaids? Do they feel this way as well? If so, then maybe you can all discuss it with her--NICELY--and say that you're all uncomfortable with the idea of stockings with open toed shoes.

But, the bottom line is that it's her day and in agreeing to be a bridesmaid, you pretty much give in to the idea of catering to her whims on that day--whether they be white stockings or all of you wearing the same jewelry or all of you having the same hairdo. Whatever it is, it's her choice. She's the one who will have to look back at the pictures and see how silly you all look in white stockings with open toed shoes!

But, do not, by any means, complain. You may suggest options, you may ask of she would mind rethinking the stockings, but overall, you're stuck.

Answer 2

This is always a hard situation, because it *is* the bride's day. Some of the people above are being quite harsh, though! You should still have an opportunity to make suggestions -- after all, you are the one buying and wearing the dress and accessories. And frankly, you *should* suggest something to her if she's set on white pantyhose -- yuck! It's not exactly the classiest or most complementary color, especially with open-toed shoes (a fashion faux pa!). An option for this is toeless hosiery. They're great! I love wearing them for summer events that require a more put-together look in warm weather.

Send one of these links (preferably the ones that don't come in white colors) and say "Hey, look what I found! They'll go great with our dresses and will give our legs a nice, tanned, toned look without having the seam show at the opening of the shoe." If you bring them to her attention with a lot of excitement, like oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-they-make-something-so-great-and-we-found-them-just-in-time, it's likely that she'll get caught up in your enthusiasm and give it serious consideration. If you come from the perspective of it making HER wedding look even better and more perfect, she'll probably love the idea. If she's still not open to the idea, you can ask if it's okay for you to wear them, and make it about you feeling more comfortable (use your insecurities -- "I hate to look so pale and wish my skin would tan better" -- or make it about you feeling self-conscious; anything to get out of white hosiery). If she still shoots it down, then you're stuck with it. Pacify yourself with the thought that you would never be so cruel to your friends. :-) Good luck!

Answer 3

You could talk to the bride about it, maybe give her a suggestion, let her know the dress would look better without pantyhose especially if you are wearing open toed shoes, but in the end what she says goes. Just wear it and smile and hopefully people will be more focused on her than on you. It's her day and she has a picture in her head of what it should look like. Unfortunately that isn't always what other people agree with. On your day you can make your bridesmaids wear whatever you want! :)

Answer 4

Let it go. If it's a fashion nightmare, that will reflect poorly upon the bride-nazi, not you. Looking at the dress, I think you could probably wear that more than once, so at least it's not a total loss.

I was thinking something...WITH the many photo shop programs available, you can digitally edit the fashion nightmare into something a little nicer, so maybe history won't record you in that ensemble.

WAIT, open toed with white pantyhose??!??! I have no fashion sense and I KNOW that that's just horrible...like some kind of a comic book getup. Your character can be called the "avenging bridesmaid" or "clash-i-natrix". That's like wearing socks with sandals, something even a goofy guy like me knows looks gay. Maybe if bridezilla gets a look at it, first person and early enough, she'll have second thoughts?

Answer 5

I don't think this is really worth complaining about. white pantyhose does sound hideous, I admit. But suck it up. It's her wedding day and it only comes once (hopefully). If you find pantyhose uncomfortable, do you think you'd be more comfortable wearing the same style in stockings, with a garter belt? She should be OK with that. Just make sure it has metal garters, you don't want your stockings falling down in the middle of the ceremony.

Don't tell her you hate the color combination. Complaining will just lower the mood. Let her decide for herself, and feel good about her wedding. Don't bring it down with petty complaints.

If she ASKS for your input, then it's OK to politely give your opinion.

Answer 6

This is a delicate situation...generally you dont wear stocking with open toed shoes and white stocking are only for nurses and little girls wearing their easter dress, never with a bridesmaid dress.
You are going to have to find a way to "suggest" that you all not wear stocking with open toed shoes.

Try asking her how she arrived at the white stockings with the dress and listen to her answer...if she says...what do you think....then by all means, tell her generally stockings are not worn with open toed shoes and she might consider everyone having the same type of pedicure with the same color of nail polish - NOT HYACINTH.
If that doesnt work, tell her bridemaids should not have any white in any of their garments out of respect for the bride.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

I do agree with you that white will look awful, like surgical stockings, especially with open toed shoes. However, as so many people have pointed out it is her wedding, and as bad as that may be you just have to wear what she has asked you to, I know it is awful, but sadly it's true. If she is a really good friend then you can suggest a neutral colour hose (you can also get peep toe stockings for sandals so you can't see the seam) but sadly you can't tell her that you don't want to wear white. Poor you, that really will look funny.

Answer 8

I would talk to the bride about your concern privately. I think if you present it in a tactful manner--one that doesn't make her feel like you are insulting her fashion taste, I think she will probably be receptive. This does not necessarily mean she will change her mind, and if that is the case you will have to suck it up and go along with her wishes. However, she may welcome your opinion and ask for your suggestions. It may be possible that you and her could work out an alternative to the whole colored pantyhose thing.

Good luck! This is a tough situation.

Answer 9

Ooohh...White panty hose with anything is bad! Better yet open toed shoes!! My suggestion is to try on the dress with the white pantyhose, shoes and all with the bride present so she can see for herself how that would look. Unless she just has really odd taste, I think she will see that it really isn't a good combination! If she wants to still go for it, I would honor her request... It's her one day..be a friend and grin and bear it.

Answer 10

I would let the bride know that you understand fully that it is her day BUT maybe show her soemthing different as far as the hose and shoes go. Or ask if you can do soemthing a lil different, maybe where closed toe shoes...maybe switch to nude hose.
If she says no then, you have to respect that.
If,however, you know you cannot stand the thought of going through looking like that, back down. Thanks for the offer, but no can do.

That however cud ruin a freindship.
Just Grin and Bear it, It cud be worse. The dresses could've been hideous.
Good Luck!