I have a 4 yo with special needs. Her attitude is horrendous, Itry to dicipline her but it makes her orse, but when I try to talk to her she wont listen. I ahve been having very, very bad thoughts about hurting her (none which I have acted upon). I feel the best thing would be to give her up for adoption, but then I would have to deal with my family. I am stressing out badly over this. She goes to Early Intervention Programs, I really feel like I would be better off without her in my life, Am I normal to feel this way? How do I maintain control ant still not hurt her? How do i get rid of the thoughts of hurting her. I know my life would be better without her. I can't give her to her dad....he refuses to even say she is his b/c of her name.HELP!
2007-03-04 08:23:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Please don't be too hard on yourself. Parenting is not an easy thing. These kind of issues are hard to talk about. I find most parents act like they have it altogether in fear that someone might think they're a bad parent. My 7 month old isn't special needs at all but sometimes he screams so loud and for so long that I just want to do whatever it takes to make him stop. Sometimes thoughts of spanking him or the like crosses my mind...but I don't act on it and I know it won't make the situation better. I think a person would be lying if they say they've never thought about spanking their child or whatever. Nobody is perfect. I think you need to ask yourself if you really, truly love and want your child. And can you live happily without her in your life? The truth is there are tons of people out there that can and will love your daughter. But none of those people will be you, her mother. Don't worry about what your family thinks. You really need to take some thought into this and do not only what's best for both of you but what is right. I'm sorry that life took this turn for you and I do hope that you seem some light soon. :)
2007-03-04 09:33:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am no professional. My experiences tell me to offer this advice:
Please, PLEASE take yourself to someone who works with this type of difficulty and can help you get some solid, concrete help. I would personally recommend a member of the clergy. You need an unbiased view of your situation, a heart-felt, but realistic, approach to available solutions and some moral support during this tough time for you and your child.
If one person that you express your difficulties with is not helpful or is overly judgemental, move on to another one. There are many, many people that are capable of helping you with this. Solutions ARE available!
Please do not hesitate - take care of this now. You are not alone, other people have gone through the same thing or are undergoing it now. There are solutions. You are a good person or you wouldn't be asking this question. So accept no blame but take the necessary steps to get this taken care of.
I pray that all will turn out well for you and your child.
2007-03-04 08:35:59 · answer #2 · answered by Pete W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are under a lot of pressure and you need a break. Is your family willing to help you? Personally, I feel if you feel it would be better for both parties if your daughter was in at least foster care while you maybe take a few classes to learn how to deal with a special needs child. If your family isn't willing to help you or they can't help you, it is my opinion that they really don't have much swing in how you make sure your daughter is taken care of.
Blessings to you.
2007-03-04 08:35:15 · answer #3 · answered by MamiZorro2 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sure you do not hate your child. YOU ARE STRESSED OUT! You have not harmed your child. It is hard rising children with a father in the picture. You are carrying the whole load. I don't know if you go to church or not, But a lot of churches have programs for single mothers and getting into church can give you a great support systems and Church Pastor also do family counseling. and if push comes to shove the church can help you with placment your child. The Church of God is the church I am a member of our church system has it own orphanage and they have home parents in the orphanage this children are well taken care of and have a full college scholarship at Lee University when they graduate. But I think you need some help and support. I don't know how you believe ,but me and my Friends will be praying for you. I hope that's alright.
2007-03-04 10:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by sandy.d 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have just taken the first step by admitting that there is a problem and asking for help. You obviously have some love in your heart for her because you are not wanting to hurt her. I honestly don't believe that you hate her, you just hate what is wrong with her. I think the next step that you should take is looking into counseling for yourself. You need a way to get your frustrations out. You need someone confidential to talk to about the thoughts that you are having. You need to find someone who can help you learn how to deal with a special needs child & their behaviors. Don't give up just yet. Try everything in your power to help yourself before you decide to give her up for adoption. Then, if things still don't improve or the feelings you are having about hurting her are still there or get worse, see about finding an adoptive family for her. I am sure your family wouldn't hold it against you for NOT wanting to harm your child and for wanting to give her a better life. I wish you the best on this.
2007-03-04 08:53:59 · answer #5 · answered by Crystal 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
First of all what is wrong with her name? I think your biggest problem is because he is refusing to be in her life which can also be a cause to her problems. Is she bi polar or something. I am and my mom and dad had trouble with me they still do I am 17 years old. I do understand where you are coming from but when she really starts getting on your nerves think of how much she helps you how much you love her. And most of all how bad of people she could end up if you put her up for adoption. I don't think you really want to. I belive your nerves are running short and you are having trouble handling her because your afraid that she my recent you later on over stuff your doing to get in control. Have you tried medication. I know with as young as she is you may not want to but there is stuff out there that will not harm her as much as finding out later on in her life that her mother just gave up on her. Think about it she may only be 4 years old be she loves you more then you know. Think of that anytime she start riding those nerves. You could try the reward if she good. If she is as bad as you say do if she is good for an hour give her a sucker after awhile if she likes this she'll start relizing that if she is good she gets something for it and try if she only messes up a couple times a week she can pick one cereal or something. Theres many diffrent things to try. I don't have kids but I have two younger sisters and one that I was 9 when she was born and me and the other one are only two years apart and I have little cousins I was around and my mother and father tried similiar stuff with me till they found out I was bi polar if you haven't had her tested for bi polar try it that could be it.I have read stuff because I know when I have kids my nerves will be thin but I want to know ways to handle it so try cheeking books out a the library about the stuff your dealing with her about. It is never to late to fix something and never give up. And if you did give her up it would hurt you later on. It does most people and you seem like one of those otherwise you would not be tring to get help. ever need someone my email address is hellraisingblonde@yahoo.com
2007-03-04 08:50:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned your family, are they helping you? If not then they have no right to interfere or criticize. The people running the programs she is in should know of some help for you. There are atoption agencies that you can talk to, but the older they are the harder it is to find someone who will take them.
Not knowing what you have tried so far discipline wise, out of control behavior often gets worse before it gets better.
2007-03-04 08:41:28 · answer #7 · answered by Kenny O 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, you need counseling, like, yesterday. You sound terribly depressed. It's not safe for you or your child to let it continue any longer.
You also need respite care for your child. Do you have someone who can take her for even a night or two so you can relax and pull yourself together a little?
You really, really need to get help.
Admitting you have these feelings is a good start, but we're not going to be able to help you out.
Do you have a mental health crisis line in your area? Calling them would be a good first step. They can refer you to the proper services.
2007-03-04 08:40:57 · answer #8 · answered by ihatesunsets 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should call the child abuse hot line and tell them how you feel ,i know it sounds crazy to do this but they can help you to decide what you want to do ,help with getting counseling and help you with making decisions that seem very hard for you to make ,there are respite programs also for you to use and you should ask about programs in your state,by you admitting this even online shows me that you care enough to look for help and get answers so get the phone book and look up the number and give them a call before you do loose it and do something you may regret for the rest of your life its not the child's fault or yours just get the help you need its OK
2007-03-04 09:40:45 · answer #9 · answered by raindovewmn41 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are describing is really serious. You are under too strain. You should try counselling, perhaps you can find some counsellors for parents in her EIP.
If your family would be a problem about you giving her up for adoption, why couldn't they help you with raising her? It's worth a shot.
2007-03-04 08:31:29 · answer #10 · answered by izzy9954 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋