My boyfriend and I have always been honest with each other, but lately he'd been acting strange. He'd be on AIM while I was sleeping, chatting. Even when I was awake. Whenever I'd approach, he'd hide the window quickly, and pretend that nothing was up. Red flags raised.
Yesterday morning while he was out, I went onto the AIM service and read the logs that they keep of chats, and saw that he was talking with a girl that he had met about two weeks ago. They were being flirty, but I didn't think that anything was wrong, until he suggested meeting up and fooling around, saying that he was supposed to hang out with friends but if he could get out of it, he wanted to meet her for an hour or so.
I cried for five hours. I printed out the conversation, highlighted his remarks, and pinned it to the front door to read when he returned. I contacted the girl who assured me that nothing happened. My boy and I talked about it for hours, but I still can't get over it. I feel betrayed,
2007-03-04 08:10:44 · 18 answers · asked by Gemini_456 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He admitted that he made a mistake and he says that he won't do it again, but my trust has been broken. I am trying to forget, but I can't even kiss him without remembering those lines exactly, suggesting that they hook up. He told me that it's a self-esteem thing, wanting to know that women like him. He told me that he's never cheated on me, and I believe him.
But I feel like he has, with the very suggestion. I can't kiss him, I can't trust him. I am trying though. How to I forgive him? We just moved into our first apartment a month ago, just got a beautiful little kitten. So I want things to work out,
Am I overreacting? He says that he felt distant and not-loved because I am so busy with school. I am in my senior year of college, and so all of my free time is spent in homework, though he is on his computer all of the time. I feel like this is my fault, but he's always told me to put my school first.
I am confused and hurt and I cannot stop crying. How do I forgive him? Help me!
2007-03-04 08:15:33 · update #1
Understand that this is not your fault. He is in control of himself. He can choose to respect you and do things right with you, or he can choose to disrespect you, as he did. If it was me, I'd find a relative or close friend to stay with for a while so I could think things through for myself. Staying there with him keeps you from thinking from an objective point of view. There is no way to re-establish trust other than with time and experience, if he's worth that risk. But to make the decision about whether or not it's worth it, you need to step outside the picture for a while. Consider this: if it was your daughter going through this circumstance, what would you advise her to do? Care about yourself as much as you would if it was your own child (or sibling or mother or very close friend). I, myself, after having been in a long term relationship with a head game playing cheater and contracting an incurable STD from him, would not consider taking the risk, but that's me. Listen to what your gut is telling you. Your gut feeling doesn't know how to lie or blind you.
2007-03-04 08:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read your letter - you've answered your own question.
He's secretive, he's "looking", he's trying to say it's all your
fault he did it.
You say your hurt, your self esteem is damaged, you can't
bring yourself to trust him and your betrayed.
It's time to take a break - go out with the girls, have fun,
have some friends that are boys, ask questions, listen
and get over him.
That doesn't mean that you'll never get back together again
but if you can 't forget and can't forgive - don't break your
own heart by hanging on. Find someone you deserve.
2007-03-04 08:22:44 · answer #2 · answered by rga 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's anything for it. Can you really trust him again? If you want to give him another chance, then go ahead - but you have to decide if it's really worth it. A relationship without trust is no fun at all, so if there won't be any trust, then why bother? And if he brings up the fact that you shouldn't have been snooping in his conversations or something, then I'd definitely not give it another go (he's being defensive and therefore has something to hide.) Good luck, and I'm sorry.
2007-03-04 08:15:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are still crying and can't seem to get over the situtation it is best to move on. I mean I know it is hard, but you should not be miserable because of something that he chose to do to you...consciously. I mean if you did not find out about it he probably would of had sex with the girl. Forget about the low self esteem excuse because if he loves you he would not do that to you. Trust me..guys will give any excuse for cheating and my ex even tried to put the blame on me for his actions! Can you believe the nerve of these f****** cheaters! Grrrrrr...Lose him..if he cared he would have thought twice about that..He didn't. Being with him will only lead to more heartache in the future. Trust me..been there..done that!
2007-03-04 08:29:29 · answer #4 · answered by asiansmile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with forgiving him, if you are capable of doing so and truly feel that's what's best for you and your relationship. BUT if you chose to stay with him, not only do you have to forgive him but you have to FORGET! You can't throw it up during every fight, etc. That's what most women struggle with--forgetting. So, you have to ask yourself if you can do BOTH, forgive and forget before you chose to stay. Good luck and make sure you are doing what you honestly believe to be best for you. You deserve to be in a relationship with a man that values your love and knows how to treat you and make you happy.
2007-03-04 08:15:48 · answer #5 · answered by Staying Quiet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've lost your trust you've lost everything. You can try because that's what you want to do , not give up. His excuses are flimsy and I think deep inside you know this but you care so much you don't want to let go. Sometimes this just isn't possible. You're a stronger person than you think. You deserve better. Think about it !!
2007-03-04 08:22:25 · answer #6 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him you can try to work it out. It was hard for me to trust my husband again but i do now. I still find myself thinking about it sometimes but i dont let it get to me. But if he were to ever do it again it would be over. Every one is deferent. Listen to what your heart is telling you. If you think he will do it again then you should leave or atleast take a break. Dont do what everyone else thinks you should do. Do what makes you feel good.
2007-03-04 08:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta find out whats wrong in this relationship that he is looking elsewhere and then decide if you can fix it together and if you can trust him ever again. If either of these is a No - then get out and save what is left of your self esteem for someone who deserves you.
2007-03-04 08:15:31 · answer #8 · answered by daisygeep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard. It is going to be complicated to get over it. Any one can say that they have changed so just make him prove it. If you really like him, like love then don't give up so easily. Does his explanation sound realistic? Just keep a close eye out.
2007-03-04 08:17:56 · answer #9 · answered by Bina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave. Once a cheater always a cheater. Dont buy nothing has happened. May be with this girl but who knows abt others.
2007-03-04 08:14:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋