my boyfriend of three years is a recovering alcoholic. in the first two years of our relationship it was pretty bad and he didnt treat me very well because he was drinking all the time. but i knew the good in him and wanted to stick around and help him. finally when things got so bad that i left him for 4 months during the summer. he really cleaned up and we got back together and have never been better! we havent had a single fight in 6 months and we couldnt be happier. we have plans to move away together in the next 3 months. 2 nights ago while i was doing a graveyard shift at work, he drank. for no reason, he just thought he could handle it. should i stay with him and help him through it? or is enough enough. i told him 6 months ago this was our last chance... should i stick to that?
2007-03-04 07:21:23 · 7 answers · asked by hola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i picked him up that night (early morning) and drove him home because he was oging to drive drunk. and the whole way home he kept saying how he made a huge mistake and he relapsed and wants help. and then the next day when he was sober he just felt so guilty and dissapointed with himself and said he needs help and he is trying his best not to mess up
2007-03-04 07:30:30 · update #1
Enough is enough when you've had enough. That is all your decision. A recovering alcoholic is a forever thing. There is no cure. Other slips are possible and perhaps, probable. I am speaking from experience. Has he been active in meetings and have you? Thinking that "he can handle it" is a common denial in the recovery process. It happens. What makes the difference is does he regret it? Does he want to learn from it and keep on trying? It's a long road and he can use all the help and sober support he can get. But it's his battle and your problem to live with or not. You will have to deal with the fact that a relapse can happen again. It isn't hopeless, though. If he wants to recover, he will most likely succeed. The MOST important thing in recovery is to keep going to meetings and/or substance abuse counseling. If you are going to stick it out, you may want to attend with him. Or join an Al Anon group that supports family and friends of alcoholics.It takes time and emotion, but it's a small price to pay for a healthy relationship. And, you may decide that it's too much work for you. But that is a decision that only you can make.
Good luck, honey! Remember, you are not alone. There are many many support groups available for this!
2007-03-04 07:43:28 · answer #1 · answered by Natch 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a saint for having stayed with him. Especially since he wants to quit. He must means a lot to you so don't pay attention to others who are telling you to dump him. I guess it's much easier to abandon problems than face them.
Recovering alcoholics have it really hard. It's not like drug-addicts. Alcohol can be bought anywhere, in any amount, at any time. Then there's the exposure to it. His friends can drink, people drink at parties, it's everywhere. Alcohol also forms a heavy addiction in long time drinkers.
He can't beat it alone if he's in too. He just can't. Sooner or later he will relapse. Either he should go into a rehabilitation program, or go to AA. He'll be able to communicate with people specialized in alcoholism and he'll be with others in a support group. Some people don't like the group thing. He could go speak with a professional specializing in gestalt therapy.
It's tough and he's been doing well for the six months like you said. That is progress. Relapses happen on the road to recovery but logical people learn from them and move on. He's probably feeling regretful (it is the m.o.) and if you up and leave him he'll most likely fall into the habit. He is on the path to recovery. He knows he has a problem. You have to help him see what he has to do.
I think if you love the guy then you'll help him through it. He'll thank you.
2007-03-04 07:25:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can do it alone. Encourage him to attend AA meetings to get back on the wagon. Slips happen, usually for a reason though. Is he getting stressed out about the move? Encourage him to get back on track, and also encourage him to he honest with you about his feelings and fears. It wasn't clear from your posting whether he went out to drink while you were gone, or just tanked up at home. If he was out, who was he with? Are they not supportive of his sobriety? If he stayed home, it's definitely an emotional issue he's doing battle with and trying to avoid in the bottom of a bottle.
There should be a list of local AA meetings in your local newspaper, or call the listing in your phonebook. There's also meetings for family members of alcoholics where you may be able to gain more insight to what he's going through.
Good luck to both of you.
2007-03-04 07:33:25 · answer #3 · answered by moosviews4u 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Help if you feel it is worth it....if you feel (and he feels ) that he can get back on the sobriety wagon then definatly stick around to support him. If he doesn't wish to stay on that wagon and insists on drinking then get far far away....
2007-03-04 07:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its over. Get one with your life. He chose alcohol over you. You have helped him enough, he needs to man up and take some responsibility for himself.
2007-03-04 07:26:20 · answer #5 · answered by msi_cord 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
dont put up with it hes never gonna change i would get on my own and be happy you cant support his habit hes not going to stop i wish i could say something helpful but i am speaking from experiences
2007-03-04 07:25:39 · answer #6 · answered by poohbear27 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You should have gotten out 2 and half years ago. Get out now.
2007-03-04 07:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
go on with your life
2007-03-04 07:23:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
leave him b4 you get hurt
2007-03-04 07:25:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋