My fiance's mother is driving me INSANE!!! She is basically refusing to pay for anything wedding related. Recently she got mad because Jason (fiance) and I wanted to go to a different photographer than she did. Well Jason talked to her and said she agreed to pay half the pictures and we could book the photographer we wanted. So my mom and I did that and now when we told her what her half of the deposit and pictures would be, she said she never agreed to pay for half the pictures and feels like she's being left out of everything since we TOLD her where we were getting our pictures done. Well we TOLD my mom too. It's OUR wedding and we should be able to pick out our own stuff! My mom understands that but his doesn't. I think my parents are going to have to pay the whole thing themselves and I'm in college and they say if they do have to pay for it all I might have to take a year off and go back later! Jason and I don't have the money to pay for it ourselves either. What should I do?
2007-03-04 07:12:32 · 16 answers · asked by jlg_jdf 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Also I don't think she should get any pictures if she's not paying half. It's not fair that my parents pay for them to get taken and she only pays for the ones she wants - she's really being a ***** about it
2007-03-04 07:13:30 · update #1
Also I will be out of college by the time we get married. I graduate in May 2008 and we are getting married July 2008.
2007-03-04 07:21:29 · update #2
It's the Bride's family's responsibility to pay for the wedding, but as for pictures and such the Groom's family usually chips in. If she chooses not to pay for anything then she doesn't get a say in anything, and I would tell her that. She's only making it harder for her son.
2007-03-04 07:18:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow ! Weddings sure do bring out the worst in people don't they. Really what you and your guy need to do is sit down with your folks and his.Be sure it is someplace neutral.Explain what you and Jason would like to have and the cost.Then your folks and his Mom can take it from there as to if it is affordable and who will chip in how much and for what.This way everyone knows what the others wants to do and can or can not pay for.And you and Jason will not have to be the ones going back and forth saying she said this and this and that.All of you will be communicating.Please keep in mind that somethings that you may want just may be somewhat unaffordable,
so you make have to make changes.But at least all the cards are on the table.Good luck and best wishes....
2007-03-04 16:57:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two wrongs aren't going to make a right.
Why do you have to start with this attitude because your MiL is being an *ss?
Tell MiL you're sorry she feels left out; that is not your intent. That you booked the photographer of your's & JASON'S choice. But also tell her if she wants any of the professional pictures, she is going to have to pay for hers as is your parents. You nor your parents just don't have the money to buy her her pictures, plain & simple.
Do not plan on this woman helping. You need to see if there is a way to have the wedding you want & cut costs at the same time. You don't want to have to take off from school as it's so much harder to go back.
Who knows why people cop the attitude they do. Maybe there's something in her past that is causing this stinky behavior. It just doesn't help you & she is definately hurting your relationship with her. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't.
2007-03-04 15:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They are not refusing to contribute towards your wedding.She is just letting you know that if she is going to pay for things, they are going to be items that meet her prior approval.
Your future mil made it clear she wants a part in the decision making and to be part of the planning. It sounds like you are miscommunicating with her and that this is a pattern of behavior that is established throughout the engagement.
You have choices.
One is to delay your wedding till you can pay for it all yourself, then plan it all your way. Another is to have your parents pay for it all and compromise on how elaborate your plans are so that your parents don't go broke pleasing you. Lastly you can meet with her and discuss this to reach a compromise. Have it written out as an agreement of what vendors and items she can approve, and how she will contract with them & the amounts will pay for.
It is not reasonable to expect others to provide you with a wedding and not want to input. It is also unreasonable to be upset with someone when you have not established a budget and approved vendor list BEFORE starting booking people. A good read is Toxic Inlaws by Susan Forward. It can help you to decide what words to use to be as tactful as possible when broaching this with her if you decide to include her. You had your fiance talk to his mom, you did not make an agreement with her yourself. I would be upset with Jason for not being a MAN and making her keep her word if they have some kind of promise.
2007-03-04 22:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by funschooling m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are complaining because the grooms family isn't paying for part of the wedding??? When me and my husband were married, we paid for everything ourselves. My inlaws paid for rehearsal supper and that was all ( only 10 of us too by the way). Maybe if your wedding is larger than you budget you should consider making it smaller... with less guests etc. I mean honestly... why have a wedding that is to expensive for you to pay for? Heck, just elope or have a small family only destination wedding. I promise, I probably paid less for my entire wedding... including the pictures than you will pay for your pictures alone. If you can't afford the wedding... how are you going to afford living on your own?
2007-03-04 22:27:29 · answer #5 · answered by mrslang1976 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, some parents like to dictate how there money is being used when it comes to weddings. And it sounds like your FMIL is one of these persons. The best thing to do is not ask for any financial assistance from her and plan your wedding based on what you and your parents can afford. I recommend you and your fiance sit down with your parents and discuss what they can afford to pay for (in addition to your college expenses) and plan your wedding based on that budget. You may need to limit your guest list or scale back in order to make it more affordable or plan your wedding later after you graduate when you have enough money to pay for it yourselves.
As for the pictures, even though his mother is not paying for the photography, she should be allowed to pay for any reprints she may like to commemorate your wedding (that's what we did). She is still your fiance's mother and she should be able to purchase her own reprints or parent album.
2007-03-04 15:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a crazy mother-in-law too so I understand. The best thing to do is find something besides pictures she can help with and get her to pay for that. Like the cake or the Place to have it bring her and get her opinion of it. make her feel like she is doing something to be part of the wedding planning. I know its hard but you just have to compromise.
Good Luck to you.!
2007-03-04 19:18:12 · answer #7 · answered by fobfanlovesgreg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in a traditional wedding it's up to the brides side to pay for the wedding. however, these days anything goes. what i would suggest is that you not include her in on ANYTHING! i mean absolutely NOTHING! how does jason feel about all this? you need to talk to him about this 1st. don't show her your dress, don't invite her to you shower, don't include her in on anything from now on. if she decides to do something for you, decline. if she wants to have a shower for you, decline. that way you are showing her that you don't need anything from her. as for your parents paying for everything, i would tell them that you will give them at least 1/2 of any monies you receive at the reception until after you graduate college.
good luck and congrats.
2007-03-04 15:37:05 · answer #8 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well remember she is your mother in law forever now. Good luck with that. Trust me when I tell you if you don't get along with your mother in law then you marriage will not be easy to her son. I know this from experience. If people truely love one another and want to commit and live the rest of their lives as husband and wife then all that should matter is the vows not that production that so many people put on at weddings.
2007-03-05 09:38:49 · answer #9 · answered by Ladybugs77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well she can have pictures that she pays for. that is how it worked with my parents and in-laws. we got the proofs back and they picked what they wanted and paid for them.
maybe consider downsizing on some aspects of the wedding if you guys can't afford it.
traditionally the in-laws are only responsible for the rehearsal dinner anyways, so don't expect them to pay anything but that.
2007-03-05 15:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋