My in law does not agree with the way I deal with things, please tell me what you would do :
When her children left school and got a job she was on there case the whole time about when they were coming home and when they will be eating.
I have a stepson who has left school, and works and I won't keep calling him about dinner etc.......I have said to him he knows what time I start cooking dinner, if he text me I will put a dinner aside for him if he does not I won't ........Unless its something I cook in bulk like sheperds pie etc
This is what my mum did with me, I was given my space, I ate when I was hungry and if I came in late she would shout there is a salad etc.....
All my mother in laws kids have been majorly over weight, where as I have never worried about weight (well not til I have had kids lol)
And I have quite relaxed views on food
Who is right?....................
2007-03-04 06:57:02 · 51 answers · asked by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Oh just wanted to add one thing
He does not starve he eats me out of house and home, he is great a cooking beans on toast and bacon sarnies lol
2007-03-04 09:06:08 · update #1
I like your way of handling dinner. Keep doing what works for *your family.*
2007-03-04 07:00:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋
If he was still a child I would agree with your mother-in-law but he isn't a child anymore and is quite capable of fixing his own food should he get hungry. He knows what time to come home if he wants a proper meal so what is the problem? If you tried to force him to be back at home for dinner he would probably rebel at his age and it would be a pointless argument as he is old enough to decide when he is hungry. You are in the right so stand your ground.
2007-03-04 07:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by Dancing Queen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a right and wrong on this. Your parenting styles are different. However, my feelings are, that if you are over 18 you are an adult. You can make your own choices. I think she should not force anyone to come home to eat. If the kid/young adult is hungry he will eat. I think the options you leave give your kid space but I hope that he/she does let you know if they will be joining you for dinner. Anyway, force feeding adults is not good. We will eat when we want to.
2007-03-04 07:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one is right or wrong but one thing is for sure. Mother In Laws stick their oars in where they aren't wanted all over the world all the time.
I have one very similar!
My mum raised me in a similar way once I was out of school and working. I would go out on a Sat night and not go home but as long as I text her saying I wasn't coming home she was fine. She didn't ask to many questions (just as well) and I turned into a well rounded person!
2007-03-04 09:11:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say just make them cook their own dinner (if they are on the young side then just buy microwave food and show them how to use the microwave, they can do that from about 4years onwards, or sometimes even younger!!!)
If the in-law keeps on then chop her up and make her into a nice Thai Green Curry and feed her to the kids - If she is genuinely concerned about the children's eating habits then I'm sure she wont mind!!!
2007-03-04 07:14:27 · answer #5 · answered by niccilicci 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is old enough to work for a living, her is old enough and independent enough to decide when he eats.
Family dinners are nice, however as you children age and develop lives and schedules of their own sometimes they are not always possible. In the late teens and early 20's children are no longer children, they are young adults, with jobs, friends, and commitments outside of the home. As long as they are keeping up with their obligation whether it is school or work then there is no reason to panic when they are not home for dinner.
2007-03-04 07:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by smedrik 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are, you're mother in law sounds to me as if she lives her life through her children and found it hard when they left school and suddenly didn't need her anymore, cooking dinner for them was probably the only way she felt needed. But that is more her problem and not her kids, you have to allow your children to grow up and become independant, that's your job and you are doing that well in my opinion. I'd be interested to know if your mil works.
2007-03-04 07:10:54 · answer #7 · answered by Sam 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely correct!! By being over-protective and constantly on their case suggests that your children are not growing up to be healthy individuals with a mind of their own and constantly need your prompting. They will not starve if you do not fuss over every plate of food - they will eat when they are hungry and agree that it is just respectful for them to let you know in good time whether they want supper kept.
2007-03-04 23:59:58 · answer #8 · answered by Sandy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we are all individuals and sometimes we like a snack while otheres like a dinner, i think if a child is that hungry they will not miss a dinner, and if they are given alternative when arriving home your doing the right way, pushing food on kids will do more harm than good, if old enough they will eat when they want to, your inlaw is bossy and a controller
2007-03-04 07:36:03 · answer #9 · answered by linda r 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not even about the food. If they are that old now, they can handle meal time and bed time and work time and all their time on their own. I think it's great that you foster that independence.
Perhaps she's overcompensating for a realization that she did the wrong thing with her kids; perhaps she really thinks she's helping. Either way, don't let the MOL get under your skin. What you are doing seems to work great for your kids.
2007-03-04 13:34:16 · answer #10 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have the most sensible approach. It is a healthy approach IMO.
However some parents find it difficult to let go of the purse-strings and give their offspring the room to become a self-sufficient adult. Your in-law seems like one of these people.
If your step son has completed school and has left scholl, he is old enought to make his own decisions and his own mistakes. He may prefer to eat out.
Give hime the room to grow and he will apprieciate you more for it.
LB
2007-03-04 07:11:29 · answer #11 · answered by Fiddlesticks 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋