i really dont want my parents to get back together!?

Question

my parents are in the proccess of getting a divorce and all i'v ever known them as is fighting. i hate my dad for the things he's done. i herd him threaten to shoot my mom when i was nine. i havent seen my sister for two years because he abused her and she now lives w/ her mom in nebraska. i dont know what to do. my mom stays the night at his house and kisses him and he's always coming over for dinner. my parents just dont go together and i'v tried talking to my mom about it but she just ends up making me feel guilty for being mad at her! and now im the blame for acidently telling my grandparents that they're seeing each other agian :-( ! i dont know how to stop it or get through to my mom that it can NEVER work between them! every one knows it and when ever someone tries to warn her she just gets mad!

please help im desperate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

How old are you sweetie? You sound young but mature. You can't make your moms mind up. My parents were always fighting a lot growing up. My mom was emotionally abusive and my dad smacked me and my sister around. The only piece of advice I can give you is that you will grow up and you will get through this and it will only make you stronger and more aware if you let it.

I know these words sound so cliche, but there is a lot of truth in them. Is there anyway you can stay with your grandparents instead? If not, just get your headphones when they start to fight and turn it up really loud.

Remember though, that everything in life you experience only makes you more of who you are going to become. It's up to you how you take the information and experiences that are given to you and use them.

Good luck. Truly!!!

Answer 2

sometimes things are not in your control, and when ur dad does the things you told us about, y should ur mom hold it in? I think it is best for uu to be out of this or it even might get worse. My parents tried to divorce a lot of times, but i always did somethin to make them realise that they love each other, try to recreate the moment when they were totaly happy together, wish u luck. Elizabeth

Answer 3

You'll just have to accept that it's not up to you. Your mom has to make her own choices for her life, because she's the one who has to live with them forever. If you are really concerned about your father's threats, and think that you can phrase this without sounding bossy and controlling, perhaps you can suggest that your father take some anger management classes, and that they seek couples therapy. Your parents obviously see a future together, and with therapy you could have hope for them, too. My husband and I fight alot, but I love him dearly and would give my life for his. If, however he is abusing you, you should call Child protective services, or ask if you can go live with another relative for a while. Protect yourself, but don't interfere with your mom's choices, because it will ruin your relationship with her.

Answer 4

The Bible’s Viewpoint

When Singleness Is a Gift

‘I AM lonely,’ laments a Christian woman who has been a widow for several years. ‘I have been hoping for a mate. Keeping busy helps. Having friends helps. But I want to be married.’

When you sincerely desire to be married but your search for a mate has not been successful, singleness hardly seems to be a gift—it may feel more like you have been sentenced to a prison of negative emotions that leave you weary and depressed. Or if you already have a family of your own but are single, you may have the sole responsibility of providing for all the needs of your children.

Therefore, you may not view your single state as a gift. Some others, though, regard singleness as something very precious, and they choose to live alone. So is singleness a gift, and if so, when and why? What does the Bible say?

Roadblock to Happiness?

Marriage can be a source of great delight. (Proverbs 5:18, 19) Some “are convinced that a walk down the aisle is the only route to happiness and fulfillment,” comments the Los Angeles Times. Is a marriage license the only “ticket” to happiness?

One mental-health professional, Ruth Luban, says, according to the Los Angeles Times: “Women [and men] will be surprised at how much fulfillment they can find when they stop putting their lives on hold in the hope that a man [or woman] will rescue them from the single life.” Yes, singleness is not something that stands in the way of a happy, fulfilling life. Many a divorced person would confide that marriage is not automatically a road to happiness. True happiness is the result of a good relationship with God. Thus, a Christian can be happy either single or married.—Psalm 84:12; 119:1, 2.

Besides mentioning self-induced hurdles, Marie Edwards and Eleanor Hoover, in their book The Challenge of Being Single, hold out another potential roadblock to happiness—social pressure. They say the “assumption is that if you aren’t married you suffer from some deep, dark, emotional malaise. . . . Something’s wrong with you, for sure.”

Even well-meaning friends can unwittingly put enormous pressure on single people by naggingly asking, ‘When are you going to get married?’ or, ‘How come a handsome man like you hasn’t found a wife yet?’ Although comments like these may be spoken in jest, they may ‘stab like a sword,’ resulting in hurt feelings or embarrassment.—Proverbs 12:18.

Each One’s Gift

The apostle Paul was unmarried at the time he traveled as a missionary. Was this because he opposed marriage? Hardly. The apostle Paul was single because he chose to remain unmarried for “the sake of the good news.”—1 Corinthians 7:7; 9:23.

Paul had the power to refrain from marriage, yet he recognized that not everyone can be like him. He said: “Each one has his own gift from God, one in this way, another in that way.”—1 Corinthians 7:7.

Singleness can become a road to happiness, even though it may not be the one you had intended to travel. Certainly, marriage is included among the many gifts received from Jehovah. But the Bible indicates that singleness can also be a “gift”—if you can “make room for it.” (Matthew 19:11, 12; 1 Corinthians 7:36-39) What, then, are some benefits of singleness?

Paul said that married couples are anxious for “the approval” of their mates, whereas the unmarried are “anxious for the things of the Lord.” This highlights one of the greatest benefits of singleness—the opportunity to serve Jehovah “without distraction.”—1 Corinthians 7:32-35.

The Bible does not say that a single person lives without distractions completely. A person living alone, however, generally has fewer distractions than one who is caring for a family, since he is the only person to be taken into consideration when he makes a decision. For example, when God directed Abraham to leave Haran and move to the land of Canaan, the Bible says: “Abram took Sarai his wife and Lot the son of his brother and all the goods that they had accumulated and the souls whom they had acquired in Haran, and they got on their way.” (Genesis 12:5) Although Abraham’s family situation did not hold him back, no doubt he spent considerable time organizing his household for such a mission.

Compare Abraham’s move with that of the apostle Paul. While Paul and Silas preached the good news in the city of Thessalonica, an angry mob formed against them. That same night, the brothers sent both Paul and Silas out immediately to Beroea. On another occasion, in Troas, Paul received a vision to “step over into Macedonia and help [them].” Now as soon as he had seen the vision, he left for Macedonia. Clearly, Paul’s having no wife allowed for great freedom of movement in a short period of time, something that would have been more difficult with a family.—Acts 16:8-10; 17:1-15.

Another benefit that singleness offers is greater freedom of personal choice. When you live alone, deciding where to live, what and when to eat, or even what time to go to bed is usually easier. This freedom also extends to spiritual activities. More time is available to engage in personal study of God’s Word, share in the public ministry, and take advantage of opportunities to be of help to other people.

Therefore, whether you are single because of choice or because of circumstances, be determined to use your time wisely. You will have a happier life when your singleness is spent helping others. (Acts 20:35) If you desire marriage, do not imprison yourself with negative emotions or live your life as though you were only half a person because that ‘special one’ has not yet come along. Keep yourself busy in God’s service, and as Paul said, you may find that singleness can be a gift.